Pretty sure ive been rejected so heres the first few pages, I've not included the wheelchair line its later!!
INT. Baggage handling
Diehard he is chucking bags to Bin Laden (OOV).
Die Hard:
INCOMING .
Throws a bag and spins round with his back facing and throws 2ndd bag over his head hits the ground with the sound of something breaking.
Die Hard:
Sounds like glass ?
Bin Laden:
(oov) Yep...... probably Rene Lalique.
2 more bags thrown and another sound of breaking
Die Hard:
China in that one I think ?
Bin Laden:
Yeah probably Dresden....someone's going to be disappointed !
Die Hard :
You've been watching 'Flog it' again haven't you ?
Bin Laden enters from the opposite direction reading a leaflet and drinking hot coffee
Die Hard pulls ot a walkie talkie from his fluorescent jacket unaware of Bin Laden
Die Hard:
Bin Laden its Diehard are you there ....over ?
Bin Ladens walkie talkie echos.
Die Hard:
What ? have you been making coffee all this time why didn't you tell me we could have avoided all the breakages.
Bin Laden:
Calm down, nobody cares down here, we rule remember.
Bin Laden picks up something guitar shaped marked fragile
Bin Laden:
See this...( smashes it to pieces ) ....Whoops !
Bin Laden puts it back with the baggage
Bin Laden:
Damaged in transit.
Die Hard :
Yeah we rule.
Bin laden picks up a cup
Bin Laden:
See this...
Diehard:
WHOOAAAA!!!!
Bin Laden smashes it to the ground
Diehard :
That's mine you cock !
Bin Laden:
Well you get the gist.
Die Hard:
Yeah where's your cup ?
Bin Laden:
See past the cup brother were free men down here.
Diehard is staring at the broken cup
Die Hard:
That's my Bruce Willis cup .
Bin Laden:
Look at the bigger picture man we can do whatever we want down here.
Die Hard:
I know I wanna smash your cup..... I spent a hour in a bidding war on eBay for that cup I almost lost it to 'turdburgler1965'.
Bin Laden:
Don't be petty turn the other cheek be the bigger man...I mean you are obviously but I was speaking metaphorically.
Die Hard:
Yeah alright its only a mug I suppose.
Bin Laden:
There you go.....high five.
They high five Die Hard grabs Bin Ladens mug off the table and smashes it.
Bin Laden:
Not my Man U mug.
Die Hard:
Were even.
Bin Laden:
Can we just stop breaking each others possessions the point I was trying to make is were free to break other people's possessions.
Die Hard:
By breaking my Bruce Willis mug ?
Bin Laden:
It was accidental.
Die Hard:
It wasn't you threw it.
Bin Laden:
I didn't know it was yours look we better clean this up before Hans gets down here, you know what his like about health and safety where is the old fart anyway ?
Diehard:
Dickheads upstairs telling anyone and everyone about his terrible trip to Malaga.
He told me he doesn't know whether to laugh or cry about it, Julie in the canteen said she saw him doing both at the same time yesterday whilst eating a muller yogurt .
Bin Laden:
He got a suntan and a free trip to Malaga should think himself lucky didn't cost him anything, I spent £10 on those raffle tickets every year the same nothing it's a bloody fix I'll tell ya.
Die Hard :
Yeah I think the fingering by Spanish airport customs soured the trip somewhat.
Bin Laden :
He should consider it an opening act at his age its all about the prostate.
Die Hard:
I doubt his GP will be speaking broken English and chomping on a cigar flicking ash all over his arse through the examination though.
Bin Laden:
His saying they slapped him about a bit as well.
Die Hard:
He should play it down a similar thing happed to my sister on a 18-30 in Rhodes and she didn't complain in fact she tried to stay in touch with him, she said it was love at first sight.
Bin Laden :
A washed up blob fish is prettier than your sister she's reinvented the world 'Ugly', even Gok Kan would nut her and call her a fat ugly cow.
Die Hard :
She aint that ugly.
Bin Laden :
She's no Cheryl Cole though Ive seen better looking vomit, even that blind lad she went out with wretched when he ran his hands over her face for the first time .
Diehard:
Yeah shes not had a lot of luck with the lads, you gonna clean the mess up then ?
Bin Laden:
Yes im like bloody Cinderella down here, where's your sister when we need a ugly sister ?
DieHard:
You what ....?
Bin Laden:
Never mind.
