Newsjack - sketch reject - Cameron mastermind

Hi guys

Heres a sketch I submitted to episode 3's Newsjack. Any advice would be appreciated!

Is the format/layout ok?

David Cameron Mastermind - Big Society

Miles Jupp announces that David Cameron will be doing Mastermind.

Miles Jupp:....and this week we have a special celebrity guest doing mastermind, it's the Prime minister, David Cameron. Hello Prime minister, thank you for coming.

David Cameron: My pleasure, Charles, and please, call me David Cameron, Mr David Cameron.

MJ: Its Miles (over spoken by DC).

DC: Charles, I would just like to say to you and your audience that I've always appreciated the appetite and artistic flare of entertainment on minority radio stations. This show Jacknews, is one of my favourites.

MJ: Oh, is that right, can you name any others Mr David Cameron?

DC (coldly and abruptly): No.

MJ: right.... Mr David Cameron, what is your chosen topic?

DC: the big society.

MJ: OK, well to minimise spin and maximise questions, you can only answer yes, no, maybe or in numbers.

DC: jolly good....

MJ: ok, and we're away, Mr David Cameron can you explain the 'big society' concept in plain English?

DC: No.

MJ: Correct, how many people do you think will volunteer?

DC: 5 million

MJ: correct, but how many people will actually volunteer?

DC: 5 million

MJ: heavily incorrect, Will you be volunteering your spare time for the big society?

DC: Yes.

MJ: Incorrect. Do you honestly believe people will give up their spare time to essentially work for free, for services that we are already paying for as tax payers?

DC: Yes.

MJ: Incorrect. How long will you be pushing this before you realise it will not work and that you have wasted a lot of time and money?

DC: 5 years.

MJ: Incorrect, the answer is two weeks, is the Big Society...

There is a beep to signal the time has finished.

MJ: Unlike your policy on cuts for building new schools, I've started so I'll finish, is the Big Society just a means of covering cuts?

DC: No

MJ: incorrect, and dock a point for lying. And that's brings us to the end of this particular round, and in a strange turn of events, similar to the general election, with a score that isn't the majority, Mr David Cameron, you are the winner. Thank you.

DC: Thank you Charles

Sorry, dude. It failed to raise one titter and it doesn't feel like a Newsjack sketch.

My advice: listen to this week's show again, pick a sketch you really liked, write it out in full and study the structure and tone.

Onwards!

You need to jump straight into the Mastermind bit, not mess around at the beginning. Also, it's satirical but not really funny enough, in my opinion.

I got a Mastermind sketch on in series 2, so they may not want to revisit something they've already done either.

(And by that I mean, I am credited with a Mastermind sketch in series 2. It is rewritten so much I think they are being generous with the credit!)

Look at the top sketch in this forum to see how a sketch is written and edited by the team.

Dan