Lee
Monday 21st February 2011 5:56pm [Edited]
36,452 posts
Okay, here's a rewrite. Thoughts? -
INT - GP's OFFICE.
A male patient sits anxiously awaiting the doctor's return.
The doctor enters the room holding test results. He has some bad news. He pulls a seat towards the patient and adopts a respectful, calming tone.
DOCTOR
I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
PATIENT
That's okay.
DOCTOR
Now, I have the results. I have them right here. And I am sorry to say...
PATIENT
Tell me, just tell me.
There's a dramatic pause between the two.
DOCTOR
I failed my clinical degree.
PATIENT
What?!
DOCTOR
I just finished my degree, well. I mean I failed medical school. But I came to the end of my degree.
PATIENT
Are you serious?!
The Doctor
Mmhmm.
There's an awkward pause. The doctor nervously taps his pen on the arm of the chair.
DOCTOR
Oh, yeah. The examination I gave you earlier was probably a little bit illegal.
PATIENT
A little bit Really? [beat] Did you find anything anyway?
DOCTOR
To be honest, I wasn't really looking. I actually spent most of the time trying to retrieve my pen lid.
The doctor remembers the lidless pen and inconspicuously tries to hid it in his pocket.
PATIENT
(disbelief)
Well I did think using a finger was more traditional.
The doctor shudders.
PATIENT
Don't you have gloves?
The doctors eyes dart to the ceiling. Helium filled gloves hangs above.
PATIENT
I don't believe this.
One of the gloves slowly floats down, they both watch it gracefully descend.
The doctor whips his pen out and pops it. He laughs and then places the pen casually into his mouth to chew.
He spits it out, remembering where it has been.
DOCTOR
That's disgusting!
PATIENT
No. You're disgusting. I'm going to get your medical license revoked.
DOCTOR
I don't have one. Did you not understand?
PATIENT
Then I'm going to speak to your superior.
DOCTOR
[sharp intake of breath]
I don't officially work here... yet.
The door handle rattles. The doctor panics. He leaps up and scrambles out of the window.
A real doctor enters. He spots the bewildered patient.
REAL DOCTOR
Who are you?
He looks up and sees the gloves.
REAL DOCTOR
And why are those gloves up there?
The patient points to the window and tries to explain but can't find the words.
The doctor looks down and picks up a pen.
REAL DOCTOR
And what is my favourite pen doing here on the floor, without the lid?
He puts it in his mouth to chew.
END
