Sick Jokes

There's not a natural disaster, celebrity death or sex scandal that doesn't get mobiles around the country buzzing with new, sick, jokes on the subject. From tsunamis to missing persons to celebrity spouses, sick jokes emerge almost immediately.

Stick 'em here and let's all be disgusted in public, but have a guilty chuckle on the sly.

Not exactly topical but I got this today.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.

and

What's black and blue and doesn't like anal sex?

The little boy in my cellar.

Quote: Nil Putters @ February 18 2011, 10:04 PM GMT

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.

View original

"adopts Alice mode at the end of VofD"

'Well, that's can't be can it? Because she was still in the car so, I mean, how could she have crossed the road?'

Well, it's a reply at least.

Was blue sits in the corner, makes girls cry and isn't funny?

Nil's jokes

Howdja like them apples?

Quote: sootyj @ February 18 2011, 11:34 PM GMT

Was blue sits in the corner, makes girls cry and isn't funny?

Nil's jokes

View original

We have a lot in common sooty.

And for the record, I didn't write them.

This will be a good thread to air our own sick jokes, but there's a whole website dedicated to the topic, called sickipedia.

http://www.sickipedia.org/

There's a lot of dross on there, but some gems amongst them.

Jeremy Hardy actually told a sick joke on The News Quiz last night, although reworded somewhat to be less vile.

The joke...

A paedophile and a young girl are walking through a dark forest when the girl says "It's getting dark and I'm scared." The paedophile says "You're scared?! I've gotta walk home by myself!"

Hardy changed it to a wood cutter and Snow White, which doesn't really work.

Quote: Nil Putters @ February 18 2011, 10:04 PM GMT

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.

View original

I always remembered;

What did Diana's driver say to Dodi?

Do you want to come with me and Di?

Quote: Nil Putters @ February 19 2011, 6:11 PM GMT

A paedophile and a young girl are walking through a dark forest when the girl says "It's getting dark and I'm scared." The paedophile says "You're scared?! I've gotta walk home by myself!"

View original

A paedophile and a young girl are walking through a dark forest when the girl says "It's getting dark and I'm scared." The paedophile says "You're scared?! I've gotta walk home by myself!"

I've told that joke before. It never fails to get a sharp intake of breath from the listener.

For Chip,

My penis is only 3 inches long, but it smells like a foot.

Two flys on a turd, one says 'where's bill tonight, hasn't he turned up' the other replies - no he's on the sick.

>_<

Quote: Nil Putters @ February 18 2011, 11:04 PM BST

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.

and

What's black and blue and doesn't like anal sex?

The little boy in my cellar.

View original

I once told this in a room full of people and nobody laughed.

What's pink, twelve inches long and stiff first thing in the morning?

A cot death.

Although I'm morally opposed to this thread, here's one for Putters...

I was sittin on the the bus opposite a real sexy Thai bird thinking to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."
To my horror, she did.