Hello,Im Si,
After crashing my car I got cheesed off and finished a script i have worked on for about a year. I sebt it as a pilot episode and its doing the rounds. Of note Armando Iannucci is reading it, Stephen Merchant is awaiting a copy and hopefully i'll hear from a pfd agent who asked for the episode after reading a taster i sent.
Anyway this is episode 4, why iv moved to ep 4 is long and boring. Id appreciate feedback. Hopefully its self explanitory, if not Peter is a docu presenter i.e. Louis Theroux.Huw is a farmerwhos set up a lonely hearts campaign for himself and his fellow single farmer friends. Think Rob Brydon.
Im new to the game abd im intrested in your feedback, be nice.
Simon
here's a taster of my kind of writing.
please keep in mind this is the first draught and write, i spent a month tidying up and perfecting the pilot. sorry im just nervous... enjoy, i hope.
New Scene
Peter Narrating: Huw kindly allowed us a tour of both his land, all one hundred and three acres, and his home.
Huw “…and here’s my great aunts bed pan (hanging on roof beam) though it belonged to the whole family at first, she had a condition which left her needing it more regularly than her nine sisters and so it became her own...”
Peter “ Nine sisters, astonishing! An all girls home! Your poor great Grandfather!”
Huw “ No! There was twelve sons, the females were quite the minority!”
Peter “ Dear me…..That’s a lot of mouths to feed, Difficult times I imagine.”
Huw in thought “ Its hereditary..”
Peter “ It is? You have a high libido ?”
Huw “My great aunt’s urinary condition.”
Peter “ Oh I see.”
Huw “ Its probably best I don’t mention that to potential partners.”
Peter “ Everybody has negative genes.”
Huw smiling “ Though I’m sure she’ll be happy about the high libido !”
Peter “ No doubt, no doubt!”
Huw “ That reminds me,….. come meet bertha!”
Peter “ Oh ok !……….What’s this a family heirloom, seems old, is it a cross stitch?”
Image of a criss-crossed picture in a frame.
Huw “ No that’s my family tree……. ‘Tyd Uma’, Come on Bertha awaits..”
New Scene
Big four poster bed. Thick dark oak.
Huw “ Ta Da! Bertha ! Have a sit Peter, feel the true comfort of an ancient Welsh bed!”
Peter “ Uhhm, I’m ok thank you..”
Huw “ No its quite all right..” begins to manoeuvre Peter towards and down onto the bed.
Peter “ Oh yes very comfortable indeed, Mmmm not like today’s inferior mattresses..”
Huw “The last five generations of Evans’s have been born on this very bed!”
Peter gets up immediately “ Excellent.”
Huw “ Born AND Conceived all under one roof, (points to roof of four post bed) Bit like that toy store ran by the giraffe.”
Peter “ Just like it” cleaning himself down.
Huw “Lets go have a cup of tea in the kitchen.”
Peter and crew leave the bedroom, on exiting they notice the family photos, all of the family elders long dead, they all look very scary on they’re yellow stained photos.
New Scene
Huw is sat in front of the camera in a huge Welsh kitchen, am arga a Welsh sideboard in the background. He’s drinking a huge mug of Tea.
Huw “ How do you like the special (winks) Tea Peter?”
Peter coughing “ What’s in it ?”
Huw “ Ooh just a little dribble of the finest fire water.”
Peter “ Really?”
Huw “ aye, keeps you warm in the field, and straight and true when driving the tractor!”
Peter “ Id like to ask you more about your media campaign to find partners for Welsh Farmers.”
Huw “Oh right, yes.”
Peter “What gave you the idea?”
Huw “ little Benny Jones bach.”
Peter “ Who, sorry?”
Huw “ Little Benny Jones bach, he was that little lad, went missing, they advertised so on the local milk carton labels, and I came to thinking, oooh that’s how I can find a wife. My missing sweetheart, wherever she may be!”
Peter “ What came of Benny?”
Huw shrugs “ Iv’e had lots of mail, and thousands of emails.”
Peter “ Oh so you have the internet.”
Huw “ The what sorry?”
Peter “ The world wide web.”
Huw “ Oh so you’ve met the spider in the outhouse, been meaning to clean it for a while, point taken Peter!”
Peter “ The internet is a collaboration of computers sharing information…”
Huw “ Actually it’s the servers in between distributing the information, depending who your I.S.P is with of course, if you have an independent network with your own I.P. addresses your computer may well serve as the distributor of information..”
Peter “ Right…..”
Huw “No I apologise, I shouldn’t have teased you, alot of farming is very modern today, we have to move with the times too. Shall we make a move now ?”
Peter “ Of course may I use the toilet before we go?”
Huw “ No problem Peter, bottom of the garden. Blue wooden door. Did you bring your own roll with you?”
Peter “ Uhh no but I don’t need any”
Huw smiling “ Here you can use some of mine…”
New Scene
Peter returns from the toilet with his hands raised “May I wash my hands please Huw?”
Huw “ Oh very Gentlemanly like, here use the sink.”
Peter “Thank you, So what’s the name of the pub were going to? The Lonely Farmer
Campaign Headquarters.”
Huw “ No its called the ‘Englishman In The Tree’. They weren’t going to change the name just for us.”’
Peter “No, I didn’t mean… never mind, Uhm…. ‘The Englishman in The Tree,’ sounds nice, Reference to Charles the second no doubt.”
Huw shrugs his shoulders. “Who?”
New Scene
Scene outside Pub called “The English Man In The Tree.” The pub logo is a man hanging on a rope from a tree.
Peter and the crew are up looking at the sign.
appreciate u reading it