I wrote this two years ago. Don't know why - the idea just "popped right in there" (such as it is). Although it didn't start being a mighty Boosh sketch, their two characters just seemed to fit. Here it is anyway - it's called "Click":
(click)
VINCE: Is it recording now?
HOWARD: Yes.
VINCE: So are we going to stick to the script or ad-lib a bit?
HOWARD: (falsetto) Well, I think it'd be fairly interesting if we did the dialogue using a silly voice now and then.
VINCE: What's that?
HOWARD: That, is just one silly voice in my extensive comedy arsenal.
VINCE: It sounds stupid.
HOWARD: It's meant to, that's the idea.
VINCE: You sound like an albino.
HOWARD: What?
VINCE: An albino. You sound like an albino. (BEAT) Look, it's a little known fact, right, that all albinos have high voices.
HOWARD: Why's that then?
VINCE: Well, it's the lack of pigment in the vocal chords, gives them like a ... a.... oh, what's that singing style the Bee Gees use?
HOWARD: Shite.
VINCE: No, no, it's .....(snaps fingers) falsetto. That's it.
HOWARD: So all albinos are falsetto.
VINCE: Yeah.
HOWARD: What dodgy website is this pearl of wisdom from?
VINCE: No, no. I've got a friend who's an albino.
HOWARD: You've got an albino friend?
VINCE: Yeah.
HOWARD: Well I've never met him. What's his name?
VINCE: Al.
HOWARD: Al.
VINCE: Yeah, Al.
HOWARD: You've got a friend, who's an albino, called Al.
VINCE: Yeah.
HOWARD: I don't believe you.
VINCE: It's true....hey, guess what comic he reads?
HOWARD: (after a pause) The Beano.
VINCE: No, 2000AD (laughs).
HOWARD: You made all that up, didn't you.
VINCE: Yeah....but I got you again! I got you again, tra-la-la. I got you again, tra-la-la.
HOWARD: Very good. And what's all this "tra-la-la" business?
VINCE: Well, it adds a certain musical crescendo to my vocal attack. You know, "I think you're a bastard, tra-la-la. I think you're a bastard, tra-la-la".
HOWARD: This tra-la-la thing.....you can't even sing.
VINCE: What?
HOWARD: You're tone deaf. I can definitely see you playing the triangle at school.
VINCE: That's where you wrong. They took me off the triangle and put me on the bongos.
HOWARD: Really.
VINCE: Yeah.
HOWARD: So why did they take you off the triangle?
VINCE: Well, I sort of.....dropped the school triangle, down the school stairs... and it...sort of ended up as the school trapezium.
HOWARD: Right.
VINCE: So they put me on the bongos instead.
HOWARD: I see.
VINCE: Yeah, they were great, 'cos they were brand new. They had to buy some more after Bingo Bongo Pongo nicked the old ones.
HOWARD: B ........... who?
VINCE: Oh yeah, he was hilarious. We called him that because he liked bingo....and he played the bongos....and he had this weird smell which was never properly identified. So we called him Bingo Bongo Pongo (laughs).
HOWARD: Great.
VINCE: Funny when you're seven. But I nearly got in trouble because it was the big concert one night and I forgot them.
HOWARD: Sounds like the school had a lucky escape.
VINCE: Well, no, 'cos I had to improvise, so I played my knees instead. And it was really lucky, 'cos my knees sound great. Listen (a metallic drumming sound). See?
HOWARD: What're you doing?
VINCE: What do you mean? I'm playing my knees (a metallic drumming sound). Great, aren't they?
HOWARD: You've got two saucepans from the kitchen, and you're hitting them with wooden spoons.
VINCE: Yeah, but.... (quietly) look, the ones listening to this won't know that, will they?
HOWARD: They do now.
VINCE: Keep your voice down! There's twenty quid in it for you.
HOWARD: (a long pause) Great knees.
VINCE: Thanks.
HOWARD: Sound very much like kitchen saucepans, actually.
VINCE: I've had people say that to me before.
HOWARD: Hmm.
VINCE: Well, you know, even though these (a metallic drumming sound) are actually my knees and definitely not kitchen saucepans, I've always thought a kitchen to be a very musical place anyway.
HOWARD: Oh yes?
VINCE: Yeah. The clinking of wine glasses being washed, the rattling of metal spoons on the drainer, the rhythmic grinding of the automatic can opener.
HOWARD: Yes. Very like a Depeche Mode track.
VINCE: (dreamily). Yeah. (pause). So have we finished?
HOWARD: Yes. Thank Christ.
VINCE: So how do I stop it recording?
HOWARD: (sighs) Press "stop".
VINCE: Oh, right.
(A click, then a pause).
VINCE: So have we finished?
HOWARD: Yes. Thank Christ.
VINCE: So how do I stop it recording?
HOWARD: (sighs) Press "stop".
VINCE: Oh, righ.....didn't we just do this?
HOWARD: (annoyed), Yes, you pressed "rewind".
VINCE: Oh.
(click)
END
