British Comedy Guide

Probably my darkest sketch

THE GRUMPY EXECUTIONER (ge) AND HIS CHEERFUL AIDE (ca) ARE STANDING BESIDES A WOMAN (W) ON THE GALLOWS SHE IS CLEARLY HEAVY PREGNANT

ca
Well at least it's a lovely day for it, shame there's no windows in here.

w
Just 2 months, 2 months.

ca
Yeh those are the breaks. But well budget cuts all that breakfast porridge isn't going to pay for it's self? Cheerup you're saving the tax payer at least a fiver.

w
You're taking 2 lives today. And one of us is innocent.

ca
Oh I dunno he could have grown upto be the next Hitler or Jeremy Beadle.

w BURSTS INTO TEARS

ge
Enough already you little twerp. This is so unjust, I'm so sorry this is just wrong.

ca
So if you hang a pregnant woman there's going to be quite a mess isn't there? Good thing we put lots of newspapers under the trap door, only fair on the cleaning lady.

w WAILS WITH TEARS

ca
Oh wait that's you doh!

ge SHAKES SAVAGELY ca

ce
I swear one day I will end you, you, you monster.

w
It's ok, leave him, it's not your fault..you're such a sucker!

ca WHIPS A CUSHION OUT FROM UNDER ws DRESS SHE IS CLEARLY NOT PREGNANT

ca
Sucker!

ca TAKES A PICTURE OF GE WITH HIS PHONE

w
What a poof, boo hoo! I can't hang a pregnant woman, fancy one of my tampons girly knickers, you,...eurrggh!

ge PULLS A LEVER DROPPING w THROUGH THE TRAPDOOR

ca
Oh you're no fun.

ge
I hate you so very much.

PRISON GUARDS PUSH IN THE LATEST VICTIM, IT'S A BROMPTON PRAM WITH WE ASSUME A BABY IN IT

ca
Oooh who's been a naughty baby?

Why the blue f**k did I write that?

This IS your darkest sketch. T'was sooo dark it was veritably sooty black. Happy new year.

I did laugh which probably means I'll again be accused of needing a psychiatrist.

This is sick. You people should be ashamed. How can you encourage sootyJ - a self confessed crack addict and social worker - to write more of this twisted filth?!

I wouldn't worry I should worry I wrote it

I like to think the humour lies in the relationship the violent imagery is just the setting

Quote: Ben @ February 2 2011, 10:12 PM GMT

This is sick. You people should be ashamed. How can you encourage sootyJ - a self confessed crack addict and social worker - to write more of this twisted filth?!

As I said to you the day after I spiked your drink with roofies

So your pain, shame and self disgust

But did you like it....?

Quote: Ben @ February 2 2011, 10:12 PM GMT

This is sick. You people should be ashamed. How can you encourage sootyJ - a self confessed crack addict and social worker - to write more of this twisted filth?!

Probably because I used to be a social worker too! :P

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