Escape from Berlin?

I know, I know! I write nothing for weeks and then suddenly it's spam-city! Well, I was trying to write something concerning Hitler's last days in the Bunker, but couldn't get it right, and now something just came to me, so I want to get it out there before I forget it...

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE BUNKER...

Hitler is aghast. His world is collapsing around him, the Third Reich is crumbling into the dust of the oncoming Russian hordes, and his dream of a thousand year Germany is over. Beside him, his wife of a few hours lies dead, and in his hand is a pistol, which he has pointed to his head, a look of hopeless anger on his creased, sweating face.

Suddenly, a being appears out of nowhere, a blue glow surrounding him. It is humanoid, but a lot taller and thinner. It looks around, as if surprised to find itself here. It fiddles with something on its wrist, and looks at the dumbfounded Hitler.

A metallic voice crackles in perfect German, obviously running through some sort of translating device. SORRY ABOUT THAT, SIR. GOT A LITTLE TURNED AROUND AT BARNARD'S STAR. I WILL BE OUT OF YOUR HAIR IN JUST A MOMENT, ONCE THIS THING ALIGNS ITSELF. JUST PRETEND I'M NOT HERE. GO ON ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

Seeing his chance, the Feuhrer gasps "Mein gott! You're an alien, aren't you? Take me with you! Please! There is nothing here for me now!"

The alien seems to be considering the request. After a moment, it nods. WELL, WE KAMALAGIANS DO BELIEVE IN THE PRESERVATION OF LIFE ABOVE ALL OTHER THINGS, AND YOU LOOK AS IF YOU ARE ABOUT TO END YOURS. UNLESS THAT IS SOME SORT OF COMMUNICATION DEVICE IN YOUR HAND, AND NOT A WEAPON?

Hitler shakes his head. "Nein, it is a pistol," he confirms, lowering the gun. "I was about to kill myself." Unexpected hope fills his bloodshot eyes.

The Kamalagian looks shocked. TO ALLOW ANOTHER BEING TO TAKE ITS OWN LIFE WOULD BE TOTALLY CONTRARY TO OUR BELIEFS, it says, SO IF YOU WISH YOU MAY COME WITH ME TO OUR HOMEWORLD. YOU HAVE BUT TO TAKE MY HAND.

Hitler grins, reaches out. At that moment, a second alien appears.

FRIZZGAL! it snaps. HERE HE IS! OY VEY! COME ON! WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE HANNUKAH FESTIVAL, YOU SCHMUCK!!

The first alien, Frizzgal, replies AGAIN WITH THE FESTIVAL! FEH! WHO WANTS TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL? I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL! YOU WANT TO SHLEP ME TO THE FESTIVAL? FEH!

The second alien looks pained. STOP YOUR KVETCHING AND HURRY UP, MESHEGUNER!

OY VEY! moans Frizzgal. I SUPPOSE I HAD BETTER GO OR SHE'LL BE AT ME ALL DAY! ARE YOU COMING?

This last to Hitler, who, with a look of utter dismay and defeat on his face, shakes his head and raises the pistol to his temple again...

DISCLAIMER: My knowledge of the Jewish culture is virtually nil, so I hope no Jewish people take offence at my use of their idioms here. I just wanted to indicate that the aliens were jews without actually saying it. If anyone knows of a better (and less potentially insulting) way of getting this across to the reader, please let me know and I will amend it...

Again I like it. Is it part of a larger thing or just something in it's own right?

Thanks again. No, it's just a standalone. Like I say, I wanted to do something on Hitler in the bunker, and this just seemed to fit.

Did find it funny but I wonder if there's too much dialogue in the latter stages.

Yeah, I hear ya. Trouble is, as I said, I need the dialogue there to show that the aliens are jewish. Maybe I don't need so much? Not sure how easily/quickly the idea gets across? Any suggestions very welcome.

Quote: Trollheart @ January 31 2011, 12:22 AM GMT

Yeah, I hear ya. Trouble is, as I said, I need the dialogue there to show that the aliens are jewish. Maybe I don't need so much? Not sure how easily/quickly the idea gets across? Any suggestions very welcome.

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I find more problems with is Hitler a tyrant?, its so obviousley jewish, there is'nt a problem there. If you need a metaphor, look at all 'slang' jewish jokes and there must be one you could translate into comedic speak.

Not sure I get you there. What do you mean "is Hitler a tyrant"? Surely that's been proven and would not have to be referenced, the same as if you were to use Osama, Saddam or Caligula? Or am I misunderstanding you?

Quote: Trollheart @ January 31 2011, 5:21 PM GMT

Not sure I get you there. What do you mean "is Hitler a tyrant"? Surely that's been proven and would not have to be referenced, the same as if you were to use Osama, Saddam or Caligula? Or am I misunderstanding you?

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Trollheart, You almost made Hitler the comedic 'fall guy', perhaps a bit more nasty characterisation there.
I thought it fresh with a lot of possibility, just my opinions.

This doesn't work for me. It would be better as well if the aliens were communists, as Hitler hated them even more than the Jews and much of his hatred of the Jews was built around Karl Marx and Jewish 'cultural bolshevism'.

Quote: dellas @ January 31 2011, 9:22 PM GMT

Trollheart, You almost made Hitler the comedic 'fall guy', perhaps a bit more nasty characterisation there.
I thought it fresh with a lot of possibility, just my opinions.

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OK well the point is that the "alien jews" NEED to see Hitler as sympathetic for this to work. If he were to start ranting and raving at them then they might rethink the idea of saving him. Besides, Hitler is well known (and despised) enough that I don't think anyone would mistake him for a sympathetic character. Also, have you seen the superlative film "Downfall"? In this, he is portrayed as a broken, tragic figure -- mad yes, delusional yes, but someone almost (almost) deserving of sympathy. He has to play on the aliens' good nature to ensure he gets away: like they say, what you don't know can't hurt you...