Hostile World (sketch)

Hi, all! Nice place you have here. I had written this one as a short story, but thought it could work better as a sketch.

Manolis
Greece

HOSTILE WORLD
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SCENE 1

NIGHT. A MAN IN HIS MIDDLE TWENTIES, SITTING CROSS-LEGGED ON THE BED, LOOKS AT HIS CONSTANTLY BARKING DOG, WHICH STANDS BEFORE HIM.

"I've spent a fortune on dog shrinks, and for what? In your sick mind every human is a criminal but the one who feeds you.

I'm not a misanthrope like you, boy. I trust people and feel safe in my house. I don't need a mad dog to protect me.

You can keep barking as long as you want. I'm gonna tie you up, put my earplugs on and sleep like a baby. You know, I'm thinking of leaving you with my parents for a while. Tomorrow I'll give them a call."

SCENE 2

THE MAN TALKS ON HIS CELL PHONE

"Good morning, dad. Has mom told you? Yeah, I can't stand this worthless dog anymore. I wish the burglars had taken him last night too."

I'm afraid this left me a little confused. Does scene two occur after the house has been burgled after scene 1. If this is the case you might want to mention in the scene 2 description that the man is standing in an obviously burgled flat - either stripped bare or with stuff lying all over the place - maybe a police officer in the background? Though even with that I think the dialogue would need some work to make the punchline more effective. Sorry if i've misunderstood the sketch entirely (it does happen).

Bo.

Thanks, Bohannon. I agree that the man should deliver the punchline standing in his empty flat. Thanks for the useful suggestions.

To be honest I don't find the puchline that funny. It sounds like something someone would say naturally if they got robbed, you know "why didn't they take that horrible vase I wouldn't have minded that". Yeah it's a joke, but the delivery doesn't make it a good one.

Personally I would have gone with something like, the man hates his dog, in the middle of the night he gets robbed and just as the thieves are making a getaway the man comes running out shouting "hey stop stop" before holding out the dog and saying "take him too!"

Just my opinion

Yeah I didn't get it either sorry. It had a very surreal feeling though which I liked....or maybe that's just how I read it.

What if the only thing that hadn't been stolen was the dog's bowl. I think that would give the owner more reason to be disappointed with his dog.

I don't think I could add too much more than what's already been said. Structure is everything which, I'm afraid, just wasn't there.

Thanks for the comments, all. The joke was supposed to be that, although the dog was right to worry that night, that didn't stop its owner from putting the blame for the burglary on it. Anyway.

Oooh you see I just didn't pick up on the dog really being worried like that. I just say all that as filler. Maybe it needs to be re-written then to make that bit more noticable.

Hi Manolis

I actually quite liked it. I agree it needs a rewrite or two to make your point clearer but I wasn't as confused as the others seemed

Maybe make it a single scene ('In fact...' and rings them straight away) and lose the 'I trust people and feel safe in my house' line.

Just my thoughts

Dan

Glad you liked it, Dan. Maybe I'll take your suggestions and rewrite it. Thanks. :-)