British Comedy Guide

Status report Page 3,358

Quote: EllieJP @ January 21 2011, 10:03 AM GMT

Are you applying for a job Leevil?

I don't think he's doing it for fun.

But then again....

Quote: EllieJP @ January 21 2011, 10:03 AM GMT

Are you applying for a job Leevil?

Many-a-job, Ellie. Many-a-job.

Quote: chipolata @ January 21 2011, 10:04 AM GMT

I need at least 8 hours in the sack to function.

:D

Quote: sootyj @ January 21 2011, 9:59 AM GMT

1990-began making sandwich (ongoing)
2000-put some posts on BCG
2006 Had a wank.

there we go Leevil all done for you.

You hacked my computer?!

Quote: Leevil @ January 21 2011, 10:15 AM GMT

Many-a-job, Ellie. Many-a-job.

In whatttttttt?

Quote: EllieJP @ January 21 2011, 10:15 AM GMT

In whatttttttt?

Oh, it ain't a career move. Just need a new job. Applying to anything that takes me fancy at the minute, so I have to keep adapting my CV for each job.

Quote: Leevil @ January 21 2011, 10:17 AM GMT

Oh, it ain't a career move. Just need a new job. Applying to anything that takes me fancy at the minute, so I have to keep adapting my CV for each job.

What was your old job?

Everyone hates their CV, don't they? Except, y'know, liars.

Robyn is coughing and will kill Elliot if she has his chest infection.

Had a person applying to be an admin who,

1 Forgot to remove track changes
2 Didn't add her phone number
3 Well it was generally shit

Ha ha what an idiot

Quote: Griff @ January 21 2011, 10:52 AM GMT

It is horrible writing your own CV but hilarious going through other people's CVs if you are recruiting for a job. People don't half write some bollocks.

I have to do this, and I get some completely ridiculous CVs.

The thing I find hard is people think we have a warehouse attached and I get a lot of lovely old school letters from truck drivers looking for work.

Quote: EllieJP @ January 21 2011, 11:06 AM GMT

I have to do this, and I get some completely ridiculous CVs.

The thing I find hard is people think we have a warehouse attached and I get a lot of lovely old school letters from truck drivers looking for sex.

You're quite formal about this dogging business aren't you?

Have to be... always the professional!

Absolutely some of them don't even bring their own dogs.

If you have a load of CV's to sift you need to employ some unconventional techniques to narrow them down.
1.) Avoid employing unlucky people by throwing half of them away at random.
2.) Avoid employing sickly people by sniffing them and throwing away any that have the unmistakable stench of approaching death.
3.) Avoid employing fun-loving tikes who will turn up late by further sniffing CV's and throwing away any that smell of alcohol, smoke, coke, puff, twiglets or nougat. If you are uncertain, a good lick will also inform. Also watch out for "socialising" under hobbies.
4.) Avoid employing pretentious farts by throwing away any CV's that are printed on coloured paper. This isn't racism. It's just discriminating against people based on colours. It's...erm..chromism.
5.) Avoid employing anyone who isn't keeping up with the times by binning any CV's that aren't printed.

That should see you right, but frankly it's a lot of work - most people just hang around in car parks, flash their lights and unzip.
Good luck.

:D

Share this page