Look no words

A few purely visual gags. Had in my mind the little sketches Not the Nine O'Clock News used to have as fillers, even if these are nowhere near that quality

SKETCH 1 - FLY TIPPING

1. EXT LATE AT NIGHT ALONG A COUNTRY LANE. A VAN DRIVES ALONG AND STOPS IN A LAY-BY. A MAN FURTIVELY GETS OUT AND STARTS HOISTING RUBBISH FROM THE BACK OF HIS VAN OVER A HEDGE. SUDDENLY A POLICE CARS HEADLIGHTS COME ON AND TWO OFFICERS RUSH OVER. THEY GRAB THE MAN WRESTLE HIM TO THE GROUND. WE SEE CLOTHES FLYING IN THE AIR AND HEAR THE MAN SHOUTING.

FADE

2. LAY-BY. THE MAN STANDS UP LOOKING CONFUSED. HE'S WEARING A SHORT LEATHER SKIRT AND HAS MAKEUP PLASTERED ON HIS FACE. HE IS HANDCUFFED TO THE POLICEMAN. HE LOOKS QUIZZICALLY AT THE OFFICER.

THE POLICEMAN SHINES HIS TORCH ON A SIGN WHICH SAYS 'FLY TIPPERS WILL BE PROSTITUTED'

SKETCH 2 - MUSIC MAN

1. INT HOUSE. MAN COMING IN FROM WORK LOOKS REALLY ANGRY. HE THROWS OPEN THE FRONT DOOR AND HEARS THE THEME TUNE FROM 'THE SWEENY'. PUZZLED HE CLOSES IT AGAIN, OPENS IT SLOWLY AND HEARS NOTHING. OPENS IT QUICKLY AND HE HEARS THE SWEENY MUSIC AGAIN.

FADE

2. INT BEDROOM. THE MAN IS GETTING READY TO GO OUT. HE STANDS IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR WEARING A ROUGH SHIRT AND JEANS AND HEARS 'MY OLD MAN'S A DUSTMAN'. HE LOOKS AROUND TO SEE WHERE THE MUSIC IS COMING FROM. ANNOYED HE CHANGES TO A SMARTER OUTFIT AND HEARS THE JAMES BOND THEME. SMILING HE GOES OUT.

FADE

3. INT OUTSIDE HIS BEDROOM. HE'S KISSING A WOMAN HE'S BROUGHT BACK AND HEARS 'MR LOVER LOVER'. THEY BOTH GO INTO THE BEDROOM. THE DOOR CLOSES AND WE HEAR THE LAUREL AND HARDY THEME.

SKETCH 3 - SOMETHING FOR THE WEEKEND

1. INT BARBERS SHOP. MAN IS GETTING HIS HAIR CUT. HE GIVES THE BARBER A TRENDY PICTURE OF GEORGE MICHAEL AND POINTS AT IT. THE BARBER TAKES A LOOK AND SHAKES HIS HEAD EXASPERATED.

FADE

2. INT BARBERS SHOP. THE MAN IS READING A MAGAZINE. HE LOOKS UP AT HIS HAIR IN THE MIRROR AND SEES HE'S BEEN GIVE A RIDICULOUS QUIFF. HE STORMS OFF.

FADE

3. EXT. THE MAN IS DRIVING HIS CAR. THE QUIFF FALLS DOWN OVER HIS EYES AND HE DRIVES OFF THE ROAD INTO SNAPPY SNAPS.

All fun 3 especially.

There was a real mania for silent sketches here about a year ago.

All nice
I liked the 3rd one best.

The third one is comfortably the best for me. Very good.

First one feels like a tribute to my witless signage business

I liked number 1 best. But 3 was also funny.

I liked no.1 and no.3 and the other one...what was it called.... Oh yes, number 2. Seriously they were all great. Number 1 is probably my favourite. It's a talent to be able to pull off a silent sketch and you've got 3 out of 3 here. Love your style of comedy Ishy

Thanks everyone. Thought of another one this morning during my morning ablutions

1. INT POLICE STATION. A WOMAN IS IN TEARS. SITTING NEXT TO HER DRAWING ON A PAD OF PAPER IS A POLICE CRIME ARTIST. SHE'S TALKING AND HE'S NODDING HIS HEAD.

HE FINISHES AND TURNS THE PAD OF PAPER AROUND TO SHOW HER A DRAWING OF AN ONION. SHE SOLEMNLY NODS HER HEAD.

Neat

So simple, yet brilliant. Really enjoyed number one and the onion one.

Another funny one!

These are all great Ish, my favourite being the late onion addition

These are funny but I don't get the third one at all. Can someone explain it? What are snappy snaps for a start?

I liked all of them but the second was the one I keep thinking about.

Quote: Don P Musey @ January 20 2011, 1:11 PM GMT

These are funny but I don't get the third one at all. Can someone explain it? What are snappy snaps for a start?

View original

Hi Don, this was based on a story last year. George Michael (singer and dodgem car owner) had another mishap where he veered off the road in his car and smashed into a branch of Snappy Snaps photo printing shop. Some wag was on the scene pretty quickly to write 'Wham' on the damaged shop panelling No-one was hurt.