Royal prenup

version 2

KATE MIDDLETON IS SITTING NEXT TO PRINCE WILLIAM READING THROUGH A PRENUP

KATE
I agree to do my fair share of shaking hands with poor people, foreigns, coloureds and that foreign coloured who's running the American colonies.
Will are you sure?

WILLS
I think she means President Barrack. Granny insisted on that one.

KATE
Ok. I agree to never point out to Wills that he is Ginger or how much he doesn't ressmeble Charles. Wills is this really neccesary.

WILLS
Harry insisted the little bastard. Look everyone has prenups these days,

KATE
Ok

WILLS
Last one.

KATE
If I break any of these agreements I agree to being driven by a pissed chauffer into a concrete column with no seat belt.

WILLS
Grand dad insisted on that one.

Not sure about the subject matter on this one. Te prenup idea is a good sketch idea but could it be better if you write a 'straight' sketch without the distasteful stuff?

Thats the coffee table bit innit?

Thought that was a bit strong.

Quote: sootyj @ January 19 2011, 12:33 PM GMT

version1

KATE MIDDLETON IS SITTING NEXT TO PRINCE WILLIAM READING THROUGH A PRENUP

KATE
I agree to do my fair share of shaking hands with poor people, foreigns, coloureds and that foreign coloured who's running the American colonies.
Will are you sure?

WILLS
I think she means President Barrack. Granny insisted on that one.

KATE
Ok. I agree to dress up as Eva Braun for Prince Harrys fancy dress birthday party. Wills is this really neccesary.

WILLS
Harry insisted atleast he relented on you shitting on a glass coffee table. Look everyone has prenups these days,

KATE
Ok

WILLS
Last one.

KATE
If I break any of these agreements I agree to being driven by a pissed chauffer into a concrete column with no seat belt.

WILLS
Grand dad insisted on that one.

View original

Quote: sootyj @ January 19 2011, 12:54 PM GMT

Thats the coffee table bit innit?

Thought that was a bit strong.

View original

Slightly

Wimp

Is the new version better?

It is but the first 'condition' makes out that the Queen is a racist, which she isn't?

...KATE
Oh Willy, I love you so. But what if you fall out of love with me?

WILLS
Don't be a silly little tammy wammy worry wort, I won't ever stop loveing you Kkkk.

KATE
But Willy Willy, What if you do?

WILLS sits up in bed.
Shhh - You'll get lots of money and and and the beautiful children.

KATE
Oh yes!!

WILLS
You'll be as happy as ummmm oh, aunty Fergie, won't you! She certainly's always smiling...

KATE
I don't think her face can do any other emotion...

WILLS
or like my dear Mummy.. sob.

KATE
There there my big sweet Willy Willy

WILLS shuffling back into Kate's arms
Just don't shag a Muslim!

KATE
Oh! Willy Willy:0)

Quote: Will Cam @ January 19 2011, 1:08 PM GMT

It is but the first 'condition' makes out that the Queen is a racist, which she isn't?

View original

Satire is anger redirected.

Besides she's a racist, she looks like one.

Vroomboom like yours just maybe I'd a twist.

"don't shag a Muslim or grand dad will have you done in like mumsy."

Quote: sootyj @ January 19 2011, 2:21 PM GMT

"don't shag a Muslim or grand dad will have you done in like mumsy."

View original

I'd hoped the implication was in the 'muslim' line. I was trying to be subtle enough that Sun readers would not read into the subtext and the chattering classes couldn't actually complain that I was accusing a royal of murder

I can see NR being interested in something like this Sooty, knowing what they have bought from me in the past.

But I don't think you have nailed it yet. I agree will Will about condition 1. The Queen isn't known as being a Racist - you need a different condition. Maybe start mild and build up to condition 3. Change your member of the family, have it as Charles saying she has to talk to the plants for two hours a day. Then build up to your nasty punch.

Look at the wording of condition 2 as well, doesn't look quite right to me.

Much prefer version 2, although I am assuming that she mustn't point out that Harry is ginger.

I'll edit thanks

Much preferred the first version - simple and to the point, but then I'm not a Royalist. If the Queen isn't KNOWN to be a racist, her old mother certainly was - could you work her into it?

Sorry. I meant version 2 which comes up first on the thread

They are a shower of c**ts aren't they?

My father used to say they should be put up against a wall and shot. He was a mild-tempered man!