A MAN AND A WOMAN ARE SEEING A DR.
WOMAN
Well Dr I've been feeling a bit funny all this week. Like I'm not weak, but I still have no urge to get out of bed, I just lie there and smile at people.
MAN
And, this is going to sound a bit mad. But well she's looking really beautiful but out of focus.
WE NOW SEE THE WOMAN THROUGH A VERY HAZY SOFT FOCUS LENSE.
DR
Oh dear, tell me Ms Jones what kind of films do you like wathcing? Tell the truth this is serious.
WOMAN
Ooh I love a weepy on DVD, Terms of Enderment, Love Story, Beaches.
DR
Mrs Jones I'm afraid you have Hollywood none specific terminal illness.
MAN
But how?
DR
Don't you people read the government health warnings on these films? Watching hours of actress's get increasingly more beautiful, and saintly before dying peacefully in a blaze of torch song. It makes blokes want to die, and women well..
WOMAN
Is it fatal? Is there a cure?
DR
Yes, dress badly, wear no makeup, kick the dog, hell kick the baby. The more normal and frumpy you look, the more of a chance you'll have. And what ever you do don't listen to "Wind Beneath My Wings,"
WOMAN
That could be a problem.
GRAMS HER PHONE PLAYS "Wind beneath my wings,"
IN SOFT FOCUS HUSBAND HOLDS HER HAND LOOKS AT HER, AND WE CAN SEE FROM HIS SAD FACE SHE'S DEAD.
MAN
Shite, oh well I can get after her sister now.
I have a feeling some one else has done this before, hope not.
