Yes the rewrite is much better
Good stuff
Train Chef Page 2
It's good. The concept is good and at this stage I wouldn't worry too much about the exact details on how to do this joke, you got your point across well enough.
That is so much funnier! 
Thanks guys- I'm pretty relieved this is going down well. Thanks for the input, it's all q learning experience!
Nothing to add except same as everyone else: original was not very funny and a little awkward, but the rewrite hits it on the head! Very good use of constuctive criticism, which makes the end product better. Well done!
Thankyou 
That Wicks, is very funny now.
You should be careful of being nice to me, Will Cam. I might stop hqting you if you're not careful
Quote: Nat Wicks @ January 18 2011, 7:56 PM GMTI might stop hqting you if you're not careful
Sounds painful.
Shut up 
tiny virtual keyboard plus spazfingers and no spell check. BULLY.
Hee!
Poor old spazfingers. 