Count Dracula 2 - HIV Positive

Count Dracula is sitting in a modern day clinic and a doctor enters the room with a clipboard.

Count Dracula: Is it all ok?

Doctor: Well Mr.Dracula, I'm afraid you are HIV positive.

Count Dracula: That's impossible. How could this have happened?

Doctor: Well it seems to me as though the amount of different blood types that you intake each week may have something to do with it. It certainly heightens your risk.

Count Dracula: But I am always very careful - I always take samples of my victims' blood and test it to make sure. This is very odd.

Doctor: The only other way you could have contracted it is through homosexual intercourse.

Count Dracula: (quickly) Actually it makes sense for it to be the blood.

Good idea, was hoping for a better punch though.

I read the title and almost didn't want to read more but this was actually pretty funny stuff.

Quote: Leevil @ January 18 2011, 3:43 PM GMT

Good idea, was hoping for a better punch though.

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I liked the punch.

It was pretty funny, then I remembered that the only way isn't through homosexual intercourse, but intercourse generally.

It wasn't bad, but was hoping for more.

I though C.D was quite openly Bi-sexual? That's what he told me anyway

Quote: Matthew Stott @ January 18 2011, 3:45 PM GMT

It was pretty funny, then I remembered that the only way isn't through homosexual intercourse, but intercourse generally.

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That is a very good point of course. Not to mention the myriad other ways HIV can be contracted. In fact, sorry to backpedal, but it makes the sketch a bit of a lost cause unless you can explain why your doctor is homophobic/thick like me.

Quote: Leevil @ January 18 2011, 3:45 PM GMT

I though C.D was quite openly Bi-sexual? That's what he told me anyway

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This is a lovely little skit Juan, you just need to tinker with the setup to the punch.

Maybe the doctor could say, "Can you think of any other way you could have contracted the virus?"

You could have the Doctor delivering the news to an unseen patient. And then he could finish by saying - "Can you think of any other way you could have contracted the virus?" We then see Dracula wiping blood from his mouth.

Quote: Leevil @ January 18 2011, 4:12 PM GMT

You could have the Doctor delivering the news to an unseen patient. And then he could finish by saying - "Can you think of any other way you could have contracted the virus?" We then see Dracula wiping blood from his mouth.

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Ugh, I feel like I've seen that joke done a hundred times. Take a lap and hit the showers, Leevil.

*goes back to writing for the Chuckle Brothers*

Quote: Gerry McDonnell @ January 18 2011, 4:08 PM GMT

This is a lovely little skit Juan, you just need to tinker with the setup to the punch.

Maybe the doctor could say, "Can you think of any other way you could have contracted the virus?"

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Thanks for the feedback everyone. I only thought of this today when I was in school and my friends laughed so I thought Id put it up here. I totally agree with sorting out how it is worded, I just wanted to get the idea up

I wanted it to be as if Dracula is in denial about his sexuality but then there would be a point where both the doctor and the Count know that its as clear as day - creating this lovely awkwardness.

You do realise his first name is not Count, yeah? But I still like "Mr. Dracula"

Hence why I referred to him as 'the Count'? Yes I do know I am studying him at A-level, would be rather worrying if I didn't?

Just checking!