Prenup

CAROLE IS AT A BAR LOOKING MOROSE THE HOUR IS LATE
TONY APPROACHES HER

TONY
Ello darlin' your dad must be a terrorist cos you're da bomb.

CAROLE
Are you asking me out?

TONY
Well you could call it that. Think of it more as a one trip to orgasmiville no cancelations no refunds.

CAROLE
Oh that's great, but could you fill this in first.

HANDS TONY A DOCUMENT

TONY
What the hell is this?

CAROLE
It's a prenup.

TONY
Babes I wanna get jiggy not hitched.

CAROLE
No it's a one night stand prenup. Read it.

TONY
I agree to allow you keep 60% of your dignity in the morning and share the sense of guilt infused self loathing 50/50. You're bleeding cracked I'm out of here.

TONY STORMS OFF AND BUMPS INTO A BOUNCER

BOUNCER HANDS TONY A DOCUMENT

TONY
What's this then? Sever kicking prenup?

BOUNCER
You get to keep half of your teeth and we share the police camera action screen time.

TONY
Sounds fair.

Like it!

I liked it.

Please note, I have little more to offer at the moment than that. I haven't done much writing and so feel unable to criticise/wouldn't want to just yet.

An opinion is an opinion

(unless it's a Sootyj opinion in which case its about 2.34% more valid)

Quote: DonnaG @ January 17 2011, 10:23 PM GMT

I liked it.

Please note, I have little more to offer at the moment than that. I haven't done much writing and so feel unable to criticise/wouldn't want to just yet.

View original

Don't worry Donna
In the BCG shop they sell magnetic Critique tiles
You just throw them at the fridge & write what you see.

Things like "Needs Trimming" "you've written better" "I liked the Punchline"
"Didn't do much for me" "lovely stuff" "Shouldn't this be in General discussion"
That sort of thing

Do not treat the dread YWB so lightly!

I take it that doesn't stand for You're Wicked Bro!

Excuse me I need to do some rewrites

YWBBIDI

Thanks Steve.

Sooty- what is YWB?

You've written better
can't work out
YWBBIDI though

You've written better But I did it?

You've written better, Soots.

You've written better but I doubt it

The most atomic of critiques

LIke this idea. Could there be more of a barter between Tony and Carole? It could descend into a row which could attract the attention of the bouncer.

Quote: Nat Wicks @ January 17 2011, 10:39 PM GMT

You've written better, Soots.

View original

True butthat's because I'm the standard you aspire to