How I lost my job as a cancer

How I lost my job as a Cancer

Interviewer: Losing ones livelihood is a tough situation for anyone. In the studio today we have Mel. Hi Mel, can you tell us how you lost your job as a Cancer and how that affected you?

Melanoma: I started out working in an OAP home. It was a great atmosphere, really easy going. I felt liked.. even loved! Well perhaps Love is too strong a word, but I was certainly accepted and gained a gentle respect. It felt like many gladly welcomed me into their... them. You know? With relief - as if they'd been waiting for me their whole life.

But after some time, I got itchy feet. I wanted a new challenge, get out of the old routine so I began working in a School.

It was an absolute nightmare! Whenever I showed up the children and teachers and the Parents went absolutely wild. I was hate figure number one! The stress was overwhelming.

So I packed up my troubles! Ha ha! And went to India. Oh My Goodness - I was worshipped like a GOD. Do you know they advertise cigarettes directly to pre-teens. The younger they start, the more they smoke, the more money is made and the quicker I can enter them! And China - fantastic country - sending peasants into toxic mines - I felt like a celebrity! Every where I went in these developing countries I was in high demand. Gosh it was so nice to be wanted! And by so many.

Interview: Mel - but you did evenually lose your job as a Cancer?

Mel: Yes, well the aeroplane I was on was diverted to London and overnight I was facing redundancy. I just knew it. Bright lights and nanobots slicing and dicing me. I couldn't move and infect new people I was trapped. I had my wings clipped.

Interviewer: So what does your future hold for you now?

Mel: Well I've been around since the dawn of organic life, those fictional Vampires have nothing on me - I've been preying on and loving the human cattle since they started out. And I'm not done with them yet! No No. Using my ingenuity I got on a nanobot and entered the digital world.

I heard the humans called me the 'Morris Worm' not as scary a term as 'Cancer' but I'm glad I got noticed. Infecting the virtual world is fascinating! I'm now replicating mainly in California as they're about to put digital devices in humans to regulate Diabetes, eyesight and hearing..etc. I am SO getting in on that rollercoaster ride. See - you humans can't evade me.

My motto is - stay flexible and make your own opportunities!

Interview: Thanks

Mel: See you all very soon.

Not funny

Horrible page setting

Poor taste, poor idea

Please let me know when you start making an effort or paying attention to critics.

Seriously why did you bother?

I have to say that your posts to date have been alright.

But not liking this one myself.

I like the idea of this and I can see what you are trying to do. I did snigger at one point, but it didn't make me laugh lots.

If it was a choice between re-reading this sketch and contracting ACTUAL ass cancer I'd say "lube up that plutonium!"

Bo.

Sootyj soot - Miss Miss - see what Bohannon wrote!

While I'm not offended by this sketch in the way sootyj obviously is, I would add that it's not very good. I could go into more detail but you've already demonstrated that improvement isn't a motivation for you. I guess the only reason I'm posting at all is to ask why you decided to base a sketch on a pun of my 'How I lost my job as a Censor' one. Seems like wasted effort to me.

DonnaG - I'm glad you got the idea. In my head I've got a 'Fagan' or Ralph Fiennes swarve type character reading the Mel part. Then I believe the funny and sinister will show clearly.

It's sick, it's sad and it's not funny. It won't be made remotely funny by getting a famous actor to read it. Ditch this one and move on.

It is certainly different!

Boundaries & rules are made to be broken.
It needs to be a little more comedic so as not to be taken seriously. I think I know where you were trying to go with it.
I would not ditch it but re read it in a few months & then edit as & where.

Another Marmite Sketch! Thanks Charley - will do:0)

Quote: Vroomboo @ January 17 2011, 4:23 PM GMT

Another Marmite Sketch! Thanks Charley - will do:0)

View original

'Marmite' implies love or hate and I don't see anyone owning up to loving this, just a couple of people telling you it's not absolutely terrible.

I don't think this is ideal subject matter for a sketch and is in poor taste. Too many peoples lives are affected by the disease to make this even remotely funny. Sketches like this are more likely to alienate your audience.

Quote: David Bussell @ January 17 2011, 3:01 PM GMT

Seems like wasted effort to me.

View original

At least you recognise I did make an effort. I'm sure you guys write sketches in moments without a sweat or a pause. I can assure you - I put in effort.

Yes - I love TV Burp!

If you're gay - you can tell jokes about being Gay

if you're Jewish - you can mock the Jewish community

If you have been affected by cancer - HELL YES YOU CAN LAUGH AT THE BASTARD!

Marmite - ok I love this sketch - it's my favourite!

Quote: David Bussell @ January 17 2011, 3:01 PM GMT

While I'm not offended by this sketch in the way sootyj obviously is, I would add that it's not very good. I could go into more detail but you've already demonstrated that improvement isn't a motivation for you. I guess the only reason I'm posting at all is to ask why you decided to base a sketch on a pun of my 'How I lost my job as a Censor' one. Seems like wasted effort to me.

View original

Not offended by the message only the medium