I read the news today oh boy! Page 308

Quote: Lee Henman @ January 15 2011, 12:48 PM GMT

I can't imagine what use a golf club would be in a burglar-tackling situation. There'd be no room to get a good swing, unless you asked the intruder to place his head on a tee. Then you'd have to put your plus-fours on and phone your caddy so he could select your 9 iron for you. Too much hassle. I'm starting to see the upside of a shotgun.

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Don't need to swing really can use stabbing motion to hit them in the gob, it won't do much damage but will be instant pain and give you chance either Junior rocket pants the f**k outta there or pretend your a golfing trophy.

Quote: Matthew Stott @ January 15 2011, 12:21 PM GMT

If I ever find someone has broken in, I'll just think back to that one boxing class I attended aged eleven and unleash the pain.

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I came home from university one day to find the front door had been prised open (we'd been robbed the previous month too), so I entered silently and startled two men - one with a CD player and one with an armful of clothes. They fled out the back. I chased them and caught the one with the clothes, got him in a headlock, then decided it would be better to offer him a beer and a cigarette. The CD player was never returned but the break-ins stopped after that. Thank Christ the average Australian burglar and householder do not own guns.

I like what Kenneth said.

Quote: Matthew Stott @ January 15 2011, 12:21 PM GMT

I can't say I've found myself in a potentially viloent situation since I was at school.

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The vicious towel whipping that Pongo Jenkins gave you?

Quote: Kenneth @ January 15 2011, 1:02 PM GMT

I chased them and caught the one with the clothes, got him in a headlock, then decided it would be better to offer him a beer and a cigarette.

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I applaud your efforts to punish the burglar with a slow, painful death from lung cancer and cirrhosis of the liver, but I'm the impatient type and would rather impose a sudden and fatal case of lead poisoning. To each his own, I guess.

Forget guns. How about a Home Alone style setup? The bit where he grabs the red hot door knob was eye-wateringly funny and painful looking.

Quote: Leevil @ January 15 2011, 4:05 PM GMT

Forget guns. How about a Home Alone style setup? The bit where he grabs the red hot door knob was eye-wateringly funny and painful looking.

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Oddly enough, setting booby traps for intruders is illegal but shooting them is OK.

Hah.

My former father-in-law was just elected chairman of the Republican Party of Florida. It's kind of a big deal because the 2012 Republican presidential convention will be held in Tampa.

Quote: DaButt @ January 15 2011, 4:06 PM GMT

Oddly enough, setting booby traps for intruders is illegal but shooting them is OK.

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What if the booby trap is a rope, attached to a door, which when opened pulls the trigger of a shotgun?

Quote: Matthew Stott @ January 15 2011, 4:23 PM GMT

What if the booby trap is a rope, attached to a door, which when opened pulls the trigger of a shotgun?

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That is exactly the type of booby trap that has been ruled illegal in the past.

Is a burglar alarm a booby trap or is the definition of a booby trap something that causes direct bodily harm?

Booby traps are designed to kill or injure and their non-selective nature makes them illegal.

Quote: DaButt @ January 15 2011, 4:02 PM GMT

I applaud your efforts to punish the burglar with a slow, painful death from lung cancer and cirrhosis of the liver, but I'm the impatient type and would rather impose a sudden and fatal case of lead poisoning. To each his own, I guess.

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I think that's really telling and rather sad that you say you would RATHER cause a fatality through shooting. Until this point you've maintained that the guns were for protection, but never said that you would shoot with the intention of killing.

I know you're only being flippant, but I think this is so so bleak.

Quote: DaButt @ January 15 2011, 4:35 PM GMT

Booby traps are designed to kill or injure and their non-selective nature makes them illegal.

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What if a rope net scoops them up, so they're not killed or injured, but are merely made secure whilst you call the police? Obviously, as they hung in the net, swinging from side to side, you could jab at them with a stick, hard enough to leave a bruise but not penetrate flesh.