Quote: Ben @ January 12 2011, 1:43 PM GMTThe performance was generic camp, James, and no more. You didn't make it stand out.
How could I make it stand out Ben?
Hairdressers - Episode One Page 4
Quote: James Cotter @ January 12 2011, 1:45 PM GMTHow could I make it stand out Ben?
*snigger*
Quote: don rushmore @ January 12 2011, 1:46 PM GMT*snigger*
Someone on the BCG has finally got one of my jokes.
Quote: sootyj @ January 12 2011, 9:58 AM GMTI think it had potential but lacked tightness in the writing or explanation.
Maybe a heartfelt explanation of why barbering was so barbarous?
Also you pushed the gross out button too hard.
Thank you. I think there is less tightness in episode one then there is in episode two that's something I agree with. They never were barbers apart from there brief snit near the end of the episode. It is quite crude at times I admit but you really think it's too far?
Too be honest yes.
They go on about barbers through out (it's one of the bits I liked)
but contrast man, contrast! Have the hairdressers as sad hetro blokes in quiet moments and despairingly bad camp when they're worried about losing customers.
Also jokes should be linked. An old lady pissing herself isn't perse funny.
On a newly cleaned floor slightly funnier.
James
People only give up on something if its hard work. One should have to force themselves to endure something. If you do feel you are enduring it then that says it all. Comedy instinct kicks in instantly with a listener, and they judge that way very quickly.
Im sure most people aren't trying to be negative just to upset you - why would they? There is a lot of positive acclaim here when people experience accepted good comedy - expect the reverse though too when they are as keen.
I thought it hard work because as the audience, you have to try harder on radio and paint pictures in your mind. With Wayne being a 45 year old paedophile type - Im just confused! It seemed disjointed, hackneyed and a bit too 'dark' for my liking. It's probably a niche offering รก la League of Gentlemen (but not as good as that obviously).
I think you have to accept that it just didnt go down too well as a script here. You did ask for feedback after all. I gather you aren't the writer though (phew! eh?), and I see you took on the majority of the character roles - so good on you for that. Hopefully it will become more readily accepted as time progresses.
Also James if you got a BBC slot would you visit each view in person at home to explain what they were missing?
Quote: sootyj @ January 12 2011, 2:30 PM GMTToo be honest yes.
They go on about barbers through out (it's one of the bits I liked)
but contrast man, contrast! Have the hairdressers as sad hetro blokes in quiet moments and despairingly bad camp when they're worried about losing customers.
Also jokes should be linked. An old lady pissing herself isn't perse funny.
On a newly cleaned floor slightly funnier.
That's fair enough. Yes they do talk about barbers but there saying there not barbers but hairdressers. Maybe there should more moments of them being more heterosexual but they've been camping it up for so long even when they have a heart to heart about it they still speak in a camp manner. I don't quite get what you mean by the old lady pissing herself?
Well you just have the gag 2 or 3 times where she pisses herself or her colostomy leaks.
It's kinda out there on it's own.
Quote: sootyj @ January 12 2011, 2:37 PM GMTAlso James if you got a BBC slot would you visit each view in person at home to explain what they were missing?
I would if the BBC would pay the petrol money.
Quote: sootyj @ January 12 2011, 2:42 PM GMTWell you just have the gag 2 or 3 times where she pisses herself or her colostomy leaks.
It's kinda out there on it's own.
The joke is we or should I say Justin takes the piss out of her and treats her like dirt but we always refer to her as our favourite costumer and she keeps coming back. The gags are little asides while we're washing her hair, drying it or spraying moose on it. Catty comments that Justin is so fond of.
Production wise it's a big improvement over one of the last audio uploads, so well done for that James. I think you took some of the criticism of those posts on board as it's reflected here with good levels for sound effects and voices for the most part. The character voices were ok, but......
The premise of straight hairdressers camping it up to be more successful could be funny, if not a bit old fashioned and played out. Stereotyping gays is nothing new. But it is stale and everyone is over it. Well I am anyway.
Maybe if the characters fell out of gay character when clients aren't around. If they did, it was hard to tell. But this script is diabolical. Simply isn't funny and feels like ideas are not fully worked out. I listened to the whole thing so I deserve a reward. Hard work.
pedophiles as a source of comedy ..... leave it out.
I haven't listened to it because I'm away from home, but how does the series start?
Seems like the best way to intruduce the idea would be a conversation from them as 'hetro' complaining that their business is failing, then a new hairdressers opens the next town over and is exuberently camp and booked out weeks in advance. So they come up with a scheme to play the part of two gay men. If you start it from the point of desperation, it will be easier for listeners to accept, and will also allow for you to make some more misguided remarks because you would be focusing on their attempt (and sometimes failure) to camp it up. means you could always have an end of series episode where they have to 'come out' as straight when they are rumbled. It would also be a way of explaining the older apprentice- he's just some bloke from the social club who rumbled them and forced them to give him a job or he'd 'out' them.
Ooh also this would allow you to use more crass material because you could have one character trying to be overtly sexual due to their perceptions, with the other constantly trying to remind him that that's not how gay people act. Means you can have a moral vein running through it counteracting the crassness and possible homophobia.
Also, paedos aren't funny.
Quote: Win Wilders @ January 12 2011, 2:56 PM GMTProduction wise it's a big improvement over one of the last audio uploads, so well done for that James. I think you took some of the criticism of those posts on board as it's reflected here with good levels for sound effects and voices for the most part. The character voices were ok, but......
The premise of straight hairdressers camping it up to be more successful could be funny, if not a bit old fashioned and played out. Stereotyping gays is nothing new. But it is stale and everyone is over it. Well I am anyway.
Maybe if the characters fell out of gay character when clients aren't around. If they did, it was hard to tell. But this script is diabolical. Simply isn't funny and feels like ideas are not fully worked out. I listened to the whole thing so I deserve a reward. Hard work.pedophiles as a source of comedy ..... leave it out.
Thank you for listening to all of it and the positive comments. I'm glad I have improved personally in the production and characters.
They did fall out of character a few times and even where straight for a whole scene when they converted the shop into a barbers shop. I will admit though I think they should be straighter more and this is something I would like to work on with the writer in future episodes.
The whole paedophile thing was a complete mistake on my part some one else described Wayne and I copied there description. He is meant to be older and a bit of a moron but not a paedophile just a bit kinky.
It sounds like a David Walliams convention. The performances were pretty good, it's the writing and characters that let it down. If it were better written, I'd be almost tempted to listen to all of it but nothing grabbed me within the first 3 minutes. There was no hook.
But nice try J.C. Don't give up.
Quote: Leevil @ January 12 2011, 3:06 PM GMTIt sounds like a David Walliams convention. The performances were pretty good, it's the writing and characters that let it down. If it were better written, I'd be almost tempted to listen to all of it but nothing grabbed me within the first 3 minutes. There was no hook.
But nice try J.C. Don't give up.
Properly not a compliment but I'll take it as one as you've properly guessed I'm a big fan of David. Glad you liked the performances. To be fair episode two is better. The series does improve. Thanks.
You can take it anyway you want, James (ooeerr). But really it was just an observation.