British Comedy Guide

Very useful poems Page 11

Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ December 22 2010, 10:49 PM GMT

A daily c**t is useful
If such a thing you seek.
The seven I know on BCG
Keep me going for a week.

:O :O

It was six not long ago!

A penis is quite useful
For sticking in a fanny,
But beware her Adam's Apple
Shit! You're balls-deep in a tranny!

No need to tell me off, I'm ashamed enough of myself for writing that.

Quote: Badge @ December 22 2010, 11:25 PM GMT

:O :O

It was six not long ago!

Yeah I think I was added on.

Quote: Lee Henman @ December 23 2010, 12:35 AM GMT

A penis is quite useful
For sticking in a fanny,
But beware her Adam's Apple
Shit! You're balls-deep in a tranny!

No need to tell me off, I'm ashamed enough of myself for writing that.

Laughing out loud Just laughed my cock off at this Lee

Tranny's are quite useful
If you have one you'll be glad
By breaking ice at parties shouting
Look! Me Mams me dad

A Willcam is most useful
He really is quite great
He's the one I think of
When I masturbate

Sootyj is quite useful
If you need to guage
Your level of perverion
Look to him, he is the sage

Quote: Will Cam @ December 23 2010, 10:31 AM GMT

Tranny's are quite useful
If you have one you'll be glad
By breaking ice at parties shouting
Look! Me Mams me dad

Funny you should say that. I used to take a transvestite friend to embassy functions and other swank parties for entertainment purposes. The trick was to find the newest, youngest (or most naive), loud-mouthed expatriate hotshot in town, wait for him to become very drunk and then get the transvestite to come onto him - and watch him leave happilly, under the impression he is taking a sexy girl home. Heh!

Quote: Kenneth @ December 23 2010, 12:45 PM GMT

I used to take a transvestite friend to embassy functions and other swank parties for entertainment purposes. The trick was to find the newest, youngest (or most naive), loud-mouthed expatriate hotshot in town, wait for him to become very drunk and then get the transvestite to come onto him - and watch him leave happilly, under the impression he is taking a sexy girl home. Heh!

Your friend clearly had a 'thing' for hospital food.

Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ December 23 2010, 1:02 PM GMT

Your friend clearly had a 'thing' for hospital food.

Not so. These were poncy embassy dos and NGO parties, not parties of physically aggressive bigots (not counting the Scots and Kiwis). I gleefully recall a young Dutch fellow we'd set up; the next time I saw him, I asked how the "girl" was. His reply: "Great blowjob, but when we got undressed and into bed, something wasn't right. I counted the dicks and there was one dick too many."

:D

Quote: Kenneth @ December 23 2010, 1:16 PM GMT

His reply: "Great blowjob, but when we got undressed and into bed, something wasn't right. I counted the dicks and there was one dick too many."

Laughing out loud

For me, there's never a dick too many.

That's so getting quoted.

Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ December 22 2010, 10:49 PM GMT

A daily c**t is useful
If such a thing you seek.
The seven I know on BCG
Keep me going for a week.

Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ December 25 2010, 8:50 PM GMT

A daily c**t is useful
If such a thing you seek.
The seven I know on BCG
Keep me going for a week.

Merry Christmas to you too...

Boxing Day is useful
We're all in festive swing
So let's log in to BCG
Where it's "Seconds out the ring!"

"That's not funny!" "Yes, it is!"
"This is shit!" "It's class!"
"I don't get it!" "Yes, you do.
You're talking out your arse!"

Laughing out loud

Bank Holidays are useful
They mean we do less work.
That's great because we're idle ****s
Who simple LOVE to shirk.

Talk of toil, we run a mile.
Mention graft, we faint.
We want to write, make people smile.
'Working' class, we ain't.

Ideally, we'd do sweet f*** all
Throughout the live-long day.
We'd eat and drink and have a ball
And care not what we weigh.

Alas, that's not what life's about:
It's not the good Lord's plan.
Christmas comes but once a year:
Enjoy it while you can.

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