British Comedy Guide

Very useful poems

Last night I posted a couple of poems that my 11 year old daughter Hannah had written. They were short, silly and reminded me of something that Spike Milligan might have done. It struck me that the idea was so self-contained that we could all have a go using the same format.

First of all, for those that missed them, here are Hannah's poems:

BIN

A bin is very useful
You fill it full of tat
The idea is not to lose it
Or use it as a hat

LAMP

A lamp is very useful
It brightens up a room
You still have to be careful
And not use it as a broom

So this is what you do...

1. Name something that is 'very useful'
2. A reason why it is useful
3. Alert the reader to a potential problem or pitfall
4. Discourage odd uses of your object

Here's one that came to me while writing this...

GOAT

Goats are very useful
They eat up all the grass
Make sure you don't annoy them
Or bite them on the ass

Great thread Tuumble!

A chicken's very useful
It gives you lots of eggs
As labial decoration
They're more comfortable than pegs

A cat is very usesul
They're good at catching mice
They don't fare well when squeezed quite hard
So don't put one in a vice

Waheey! A great start from Will and Nat!

C'mon - we want more!

Cakes are very useful
They make your friends say yum
But they're not built for insertion
Don't put them in your bum

Books are very useful
For learning lots of stuff
But studying English Literature
Means you read a lot of guff.

A laptop's very useful
If you are forlorn
Twitter, Facebook, Myspace
Not forgetting granny porn

People are bending the rules!

Rules are very useful
For children in a class
But as for those on BCG
You can . . .

Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ December 17 2010, 11:48 AM GMT

Rules are very useful
For children in a class
But as for those on BCG
You can . . .

Laughing out loud

:(

Nat Wicks is very useful,
Her comments so well-put,
But please don't try to gang-bang her:
She's probably no source of group-gratification.

The BCG is useful
To unload your neurosis
And if you have it young enough
It cures Tuberculosis.

The heart is very useful
But never when broke
From losing a loved one
Or having a stroke.

Bottoms are very useful
For disposing of shit
But for keeping all your bits
It's not the most comfortable fit

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