Original sketch moved to Showcase in the interests of board harmony as the thread was - surprise, surprise - sliding rapidly into 'off-topic land'.
Who'd have expected THAT?
Katie and Harvey
Like it! LOL
The commissionaire's line doesn't ring true. He's unlikely to say 'sod' in front of the mother, and even less likely to say 'can't he walk' about someone he has only ever seen getting into a wheelchair. It's easily fixed with a dialogue tweak though - e.g. 'Poor little fella, shame he can't walk'. Or something better than that.
Quote: AngieBaby @ December 10 2010, 8:23 PM GMTLike it! LOL
Cheers, Angie.
You're a diamond.
Quote: Badge @ December 10 2010, 8:46 PM GMTThe commissionaire's line doesn't ring true. He's unlikely to say 'sod' in front of the mother, and even less likely to say 'can't he walk' about someone he has only ever seen getting into a wheelchair. It's easily fixed with a dialogue tweak though - e.g. 'Poor little fella, shame he can't walk'. Or something better than that.
I see your point Badge, but I think my version rings true enough, doesn't it?
My next-door neighbour woke up this morning to find his car had a punctured rear tyre. As he sat by the wheel, about to take it off, the man next door walked onto his drive, saw the tyre was as flat as a fluke and immediately asked 'Got a flat tyre?' It's a conversational device known to us all, and - as silly as it may seem - it isn't intended merely to elicit the information apparently being requested. It's often intended simply to create a friendly interaction.
As for 'sod', it's very often used affectionately (especially when preceded by 'poor'). I agree a hotel commissionaire might be unlikely to use the term with a posh guest but many will use it with 'one of their own' - someone from the streets who famously doesn't put on airs and graces.
Well, if you don't really want critique... anyway, I liked it, but I thought with your standards you might have avoided the problem. That way you wouldn't be left defending it! 
Quote: Badge @ December 10 2010, 9:19 PM GMTWell, if you don't really want critique... anyway, I liked it, but I thought with your standards you might have avoided the problem. That way you wouldn't be left defending it!
I see no problem with the dialogue.
If you prefer your version, so be it - but I prefer mine.
Shall I give you a list of people who are going to come on this thread saying they prefer yours?
Who knows? Perhaps someone will come up with something we BOTH prefer?
And perhaps they won't.
Horses for courses and all that.
Of course. But if you're never going to budge an inch, your work surely doesn't sit happily in Critique does it? If Aaron is starting a 'Praise Me ' forum then go for it!
I like the idea of the "Praise Me" forum
Showcase is too ambiguous.
I liked the sketch by the way.
Quote: Badge @ December 10 2010, 9:57 PM GMTIf you're never going to budge an inch, your work surely doesn't sit happily in Critique
I agree entirely but, as I'm delighted to accept and act upon suggestions for improvement when I see them as offering improvement, my work shall continue to sit here with a broad smile upon its face.
Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ December 10 2010, 10:30 PM GMTI agree entirely but, as I'm delighted to accept and act upon suggestions for improvement when I see them as offering improvement, my work shall continue to sit here with a broad smile upon its face.
Oh, it's a Smugathon, I'll donate £10 
Fact is Ron, 90% of people know that anyone calling Katie's son a sod - meant nicely or not - leads to a punch in the face or legal action. The other 10% don't know who Katie Price is. The 90% include the commissionaire. And you.
Have I missed something. What is the joke here?
Quote: Marc P @ December 10 2010, 10:54 PM GMTHave I missed something.
Last orders at the bar? 
Nah, stocks here
Feels a bit bandwagonesque.