Quote: JohnnyD @ December 3 2010, 1:23 AM GMTBefore.
Eh? How come you're still on 999?
Walking the Walk or just Talking the Talk? Page 3
Quote: JohnnyD @ December 3 2010, 12:28 AM GMTJust you and me, Veronica. Everyone else has taken refuge in one-liners.
I'll knock something up tomorrow morning. I've never done Stand Up, but I went to one in Richmond once.
I very much look forward to reading your piece.
I stayed up listening to the Cricket. So I've written and posted my piece.
Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ December 2 2010, 7:48 PM GMTI know somewhere they'd love that.
It's called 'the 1970s'.
2008
Quote: JohnnyD @ December 3 2010, 12:28 AM GMTJust you and me, Veronica. Everyone else has taken refuge in one-liners.
I'll knock something up tomorrow morning. I've never done Stand Up, but I went to one in Richmond once.
I very much look forward to reading your piece.
My piece is now posted.
I don't know why people seem reluctant to join in. I mean, let's face it, nobody's going to get more stick than I, myself, will.
The challenge isn't to come up with something world-shattering. It's just to come with a couple of minutes' worth of material that would hang together as a stand-up set.
Just sit down at your keyboard and blast away till you've filled a page or two.
It ain't rocket science.
Come on in, the water's lovely.
Quote: JohnnyD @ December 3 2010, 4:27 PM GMTCome on in, the water's lovely.
No it isn't.
Leevil is shamelessly trolling my thread with offensive remarks and ruining BCG for everybody.
I'm going to report him to a moderator.
No. Wait . . .
Oh, bum!
Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ December 2 2010, 9:47 AM GMTThere are several people on BCG whose profiles say 'Stand-up comedian' and plenty of others who give wonderful advice to newbies and not-so-newbies who bravely post stand-up material in the forums.
I, myself, am as 'guilty' as anyone else when it comes to telling people how it should be done.
So, instead of us all just talking the talk, how about we actually walk the walk and post 2 minutes of original stand-up in Critique?
Who's up for it?
Nice idea Veronica. I'll have a crack.
Quote: Gerry McDonnell @ December 3 2010, 5:26 PM GMTNice idea Veronica. I'll have a crack.
As well as being fun, it's also hugely educational for people who either ARE stand-ups or who want to BECOME stand-ups.
Either way, you have have to be prepared to expose yourself (in a legal way, obviously) and learn from people's reactions.
Whenever I read a stand-up script, I always try to imagine it going down really well with an audience. If I can do that successfully, the script is good.
Clearly, you can imagine ANY script dying on its arse but that's not the way to judge it.
The question is "COULD this go down well?"
Sometimes, the words themselves aren't funny. Sometimes, it's all in the performance. But at all times, the words have to be COMPATIBLE with that performance.
"A MAN WITH UNKEMPT HAIR AND BIG TEETH COMES ON STAGE WAVING A FEATHER DUSTER
MAN (SHOUTS):
Nick-nacky-nick-nack! Nick-nacky-noo!"
Now, you try pitching THAT to the execs at HBO.
There you go. My little effort.
----------------------------------
Are there any deaf people in tonight?
Yeah, I know what you're thinking.
What's that c**t doing on the stage?
Yes. I admit it. I've had surgery.
I had my tonsils taken out when I was a kid.
Just a little bit about me.
I was an only child.
At least, that's what my brother reckons.
I came from a broken home.
The windows were smashed and the front door had fallen off its hinges.
The only central heating we ever had was a candle in the middle of the room.
At school, my headmaster often gave me the cane.
And if I was naughty, I'd get lines.
I had a fear of the tall wall in my garden.
I never did get over it.
When I became a man, I married beneath myself.
I used to rent the flat above the registry office.
I used to work in a factory making piggy banks, but I left because there was no money in it.
On Saturday nights, I like to push the boat out.
Now the owner of the boating lake says I'm on my final warning.
There. My life in a nutshell.
Said the acorn.
Ah, you can tell it's Christmas.
The Easter Eggs are in the shops.
For Christmas, I've bought my missus a book on Chinese cooking.
I've also got her Jamie Oliver's 30 Minute Meals, because we're bound to want to eat again in half an hour.
Talking about the missus, she agreed to pose nude for a photographer the other day, which was very strange.
She only went in for a passport photograph.
I was at the doctor's at the time. I said to him, "Knock knock! Doctor Doctor! There's a fly in my soup."
He said, "You're nothing but a mixed up joke."
The time before, I told my doctor I kept thinking I was a bus.
He said to me, "That's uncanny. Up until today, I'd never heard of that condition. Now three of you have turned up at once."
On the way home, this guy stopped me for directions.
I soon told him where to go.
When I walked past the church, I waved to the vicar. Nice man.
I like religious people, but I couldn't eat a holy one.
Then I went to the Rose And Crown and got very drunk.
I complained to the barman. I said, "Every time I drink in this pub, that ugly wanker keeps staring at me."
The barman asked, "Have you been standing by that mirror again?"
But at the end of the day, I can always rely on my missus.
She likes nothing better than to sit on my face and wiggle.
Why?
F**k nose.
Some gems there, Mikey.
Copy it over to Critique with the other efforts?
Oops. Misread your first post. (re posting it in Critique) 
Quote: Tony Cowards @ December 2 2010, 3:03 PM GMTOne of my friends used to play keyboards for Sinn Fein, he was an IRA synthesizer.
Hey man, I don't get this Irish terrorist humour cos I in LA....
Lots of great stuff there. I particularly liked...
Quote: Mikey Jackson @ December 5 2010, 2:08 PM GMTWhen I became a man, I married beneath myself.
I used to rent the flat above the registry office.