Failed to float the ladies boat

Looking through some old stuff and found this effort that failed to trouble the judges at Bearded Ladies last year

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Appraisal Time:

JENNY:
Come in, Tanya. Shut the door. You know it’s time to review your probationary period, don't you? You've been with us three months now.

TANYA:
It’s going well enough, isn’t it?

(PAUSE)

JENNY:
Do you think you’re really cut out for social work?

TANYA:
It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. Well, since I ditched my media degree.

JENNY:
Yes, the media degree. Are we absolutely sure we’ve put that behind us?

TANYA:
What do you mean?

JENNY:
I only ask cos I’ve been reading some of your case notes this morning.

TANYA:
Yeah? And?

JENNY:
In particular Mrs Pargiter’s file. She’s attempted suicide on several occasions and there’s an email in the file that you apparently sent to a TV reality show offering them the chance to see Mrs Pargiter, and I quote, “take a dive off a multi-storey car park” in return for a payment of £700.

UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE

JENNY:
Or maybe we could talk about Mrs Fleming. You know the elderly lady who's never forgiven herself for putting her illegitimate twins up for adoption fifty years ago?

I found a note from the same TV show and again I quote, “Sorry, Tanya but there’s too much of this reunion nonsense on our screens at present. It’s Cilla Black’s fault”. (PAUSE) What I don't see in the file is any mention of how Mrs Fleming reacted when you told her you'd found her long lost children?

TANYA:
I never bothered telling her. There was no point.

JENNY:
You’ll forgive me Tanya but that response has rather proven my point. Your attitude is cold and callous. You are motivated only by furthering your own ends. You don’t care two hoots for your clients and you are obviously still trying desperately to get a foothold in the world of media. Social work is not for you I’m afraid and I’m going to have to ask you to leave the department immediately.

TANYA:
Can I make one phone call?

F/X: PHONE NUMBER DIALLING ON SPEAKER PHONE

MAN: Reality TV Productions. Good morning.

TANYA:
It’s Tanya here. Tell me, are you still doing that reality project about the modern working environment? Only I’ve got a real live sacking you can shoot if you can get a crew over to the DSS building. It’s yours for two hundred but you’ll need to get a wiggle on. Yes the DSS. Five minutes. Great.

Excuse me Jenny but I must just pop to the loo for a moment.

END:

This had me in mind of the 'Not The 9 O'clock News' PC Savage sketch. Could do with a little pruning and perhaps the payoff could be a little tighter but even so, I felt it came over really well.

I enjoyed it, I thought well written and nice pace to it. Top Dollar mate

I think you got the germ of a good idea there - I would stick some other stuff in there maybe like, she'd organised a phone vote for fostering a child, or devised some social programmes inspired by reality TV, you know like "Juvenile Offender Swap" or something....
You can really play about with that situation, maybe even do a series of appraisal sketches...

Thanks for your comments and I'm pleased it seems to have been liked in general terms.

Thagyewvwermush

Great idea mate, but agree with the payoff could be a bit tighter. Mybe she could phone up the reality t.v company and tell them that if they get over quick they might see a dss boss getting murdered. just a thought.

Hi Blenkinsop

Think you got the style right for Bearded Ladies as I could imagine the cast doing it. Just wasn't quite funny enough in my opinion. Needs a couple of extra jokes in there or maybe just the situations described need to be a bit more ridiculous. I like the idea though, just think you could execute it a bit better.

Bear in mind that I think making it too funny would make it unacceptable to Bearded Ladies as the programme is very much not really that laugh-out-loud funny, in my opinion. More sort of 'nice' comedy.

Hope this helps

Dan