Alien Abduction Rewrite.

Original one is here: https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/19040/

EXT. FIELD. - NIGHT.

A UFO is hovering above a man, (MARK). A beam of light emits form the spacecraft and transports MARK on board the ship.

FADE TO:

INT. UFO.

MARK wakes up on a table. An alien (CARL), stands nearby.

MARK:
What's going on? Who's there?

CARL:
You bastard.

MARK:
Carl?

CARL:
How could you?

CARL waves a magazine with MARK on front and a headline that reads " MY ALIEN ABDUCTION HELL!"

MARK:
Carl, listen, I'm sorry.

CARL:
I thought we were friends.

MARK:
We are. I mean It's not like that.

CARL opens the magazine to read from the article.

CARL: (CONT'D)
And I quote. When he stuck the probe up my anus I could only pray that it would all end soon?

MARK:
Well to be honest you did do that and it did hurt.

CARL:
You lost that bet fair and square. If you don't want my fishing rod stuffed up your arse, then don't make a bet you can
urinate into a cup from the other side of the room.

MARK:
Yeah..well. I thought you had zero gravity.

CARL reads the article further.

CARL:
What's all this about me wiping your memory? I never wiped your memory.

MARK:
Oh right, yeah that was, that was the night of your brother's stag do.

CARL:
Planet Nymphos And Gambling!

MARK:
Exactly. I came home with the most unsavoury stains on my trousers, and told her we had to sell the house.
The usual, it was the aliens routine wasn't washing. I had to say something, and besides, I couldn't actually remember anything anyway, so...

CARL:
Yeah that was a classic night out.

MARK:
I had to change the time on my watch and everything.

CARL:
Haha "We come in peace"

MARK:
Haha. Yeah Ha, " Take me to your leader" Ha ha.

CARL:
Ha ha You earthlings are well out there.

MARK:
So listen, great to see you and that but I need to get back. I promised Sally I'd have a quiet night in.

CARL:
Yeah ok, no worries. Did you bring my fishing rod back?

MARK:
Yes mate. 'ere you are.

MARK passes CARL a plastic bag. CARL looks inside it.

CARL:
Arrh Mark! You could have cleaned it.

END.

Hi

I really enjoyed this. Great opening.

Nothing constructive to say except it wasn't immediately clear what these lines were referring to...

CARL:
Haha "We come in peace"

MARK:
Haha. Yeah Ha, " Take me to your leader" Ha ha.

CARL:
Ha ha You earthlings are well out there.

Did they go down to earth for the Stag night?
ETA: well - that's not clear to slow-witted me, it probably was clear to everybody else!

Hi cluless. thanks for the kind comments. The confusing lines are the characters re-living the night out on Planet Nymphos And Gambling. I imagined that they kept saying those phrases to each other on their drunk night out, so maybe I need to clarify.

Ahh - I've just fallen in! My bad.

That they were referring to what was said on their night out came across well but I misread Carl's next line 'You earthlings...' as being another of the same (didn't notice the lack of quotes). If I'd heard it, of course, it would've been obvious he was referring to Mark. Nice one.

Really enjoyed this Scratch. Up to your usual high standard. Not really a crit I know - more a bit of deserved praise for a fab idea.

I thought this was great.
The only reason I have a niggle that the pay off could be better is because the lead up is so good.

Quote: clueless @ November 25 2010, 2:50 PM GMT

Ahh - I've just fallen in! My bad.

That they were referring to what was said on their night out came across well but I misread Carl's next line 'You earthlings...' as being another of the same (didn't notice the lack of quotes). If I'd heard it, of course, it would've been obvious he was referring to Mark. Nice one.

View original

Yeah that could be confusing I admit. Sorry for being unclear.

Quote: Kasm @ November 25 2010, 10:35 PM GMT

Really enjoyed this Scratch. Up to your usual high standard. Not really a crit I know - more a bit of deserved praise for a fab idea.

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Why thanks Kasm. Nice to see you again. You going to be posting again soon outside of the comp?

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ November 25 2010, 11:24 PM GMT

I thought this was great.
The only reason I have a niggle that the pay off could be better is because the lead up is so good.

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Fully justified niggle there, Steve. Think I need a special ending writing machine as I only seem to manage a good one in every several sketches.

Quote: scratchyr @ November 26 2010, 8:26 AM GMT

I need a special ending writing machine

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Have no fear: I am here.

Quote: Veronica Vestibule @ November 26 2010, 8:58 AM GMT

Have no fear: I am here.

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can you also teach others?

Loved this. Very nice idea Scratch. Made me giggle.

Thanks Otterly. You know I appreciate it.

Very good indeed I enjoyed it

Thanks Juan.