UFO Sightings in the Deep South

(AMERICAN)NEWS PRESENTER:

The town of Franklinston in the deep south has gain celebrity status over the last few days after a raft of UFO activity has been reported. We now go live to our field reporter Steve Pap who has a chief witness with him. Steve...

CUT TO LOCATION:

STEVE:

Thanks Burt. I'm here with Chip Boiner who claims to have seen the mysterious crafts on almost two occasions. Chip can you tell us what you saw?

CHIP:

Sure will, there were no lights. It was silent Flying saucers that would hoover.

STEVE:

Don't you mean hover?

CHIP:

Yes. They did both.

STEVE:

What did you see then?

CHIP:

I saw you coming up the driveway, all the cameras came out and then I saw a sort of you type person that I'm pretty sure was you.

STEVE:

What did you see in relation to the craft?

CHIP:

Well it didn't have no relations. There was only one of them. I was outside in the barn when I saw a big ball of light, after I'd flicked on the light switch.

All of a sudden I heard nothing coming from the sky so I turned around to have a look. I tilted my head upwards, my eyes soon followed and I was looking skywards and that's when I saw it; a plate in the shape of a saucer.

I mean I couldn't believe it, up in the air.... I jumped to get a slightly better look and I...I never came back down.

STEVE:

You were hovering?

CHIP:

No I was in the barn. I aint never hoovered a barn. You aint got none much of a brain if you don't mind me saying. Why would I hoover my barn? I was floating. You see I was walking but the ground was not meetin' my feet. It was got to do with them saucers.

STEVE:

What happened then?

CHIP:

Then my mind went blank.

STEVE:

Then ....your mind went blank. Your mind only went blank then?

CHIP:

Yes sir. Then I woke up and all you folk were standing around me.

STEVE:

But you never passed out. You were standing on your front porch when we pulled up.

CHIP:

[BEAT]Which event are you talking about again? I mean I'm 39 years old. Literally tens of things have happened to me in my life.

STEVE:

I'm talking about the UFO'S which you claim to have seen tonight.

CHIP:

I aint seen none of them sir. I aint never seen them UFO's. I was minding my own business, floating around my farm when you lot showed up. I swear I aint seen nothing...I mean I have seen some stuff; trees, biscuits, oranges, I once saw my cat bite a mans tooth but no UFO's, now can ya'll just leave me alone!!

STEVE:

Well this looks like a very costly interview wasted, back to you in the studio.

WE CUT BACK TO STUDIO BUT CAN STILL HEAR FEED FROM LOCATION.

CHIP:

The only thing I did see was those flying saucers.

END.

Good Stuff.
Some funny lines & nice silly characterization.
Enjoyed it.

I'd change the names. It's not believable that somebody called "Chip" would act that way.

I'm not in this one so I'm not so interested.

One big problem with your dialogue - Americans don't use the word "hoovering".

Quote: David Bussell @ November 24 2010, 9:58 AM GMT

Americans don't use the word "hoovering".

View original

Change it to 'J.Edgaring' and you'll be fine

I think I can remedy all of the discrepencies raised in the previous posts. The 'Chip' character is now called Nat Wicks and as suggested by Veronica and Mr. Bussell 'hoovering' has been omitted.

(AMERICAN)NEWS PRESENTER:

The town of Franklinston in the deep south has gain celebrity status over the last few days after a raft of UFO activity has been reported. We now go live to our field reporter Steve (Sunshine) who has a chief witness with him. Steve...

CUT TO LOCATION:

STEVE:

Thanks Burt. I'm here with Nat Wicks who claims to have seen the mysterious crafts on almost two occasions. Nat can you tell us what you saw?

NAT WICKS:

Sure will, there were no lights. It was silent Flying saucers that would J. Edgar.

STEVE:

Don't you mean Herbert?

NAT WICKS:

Yes. Both.

STEVE:

And what did you see then?

NAT WICKS:

I saw you coming up the driveway, all the cameras came out and then I saw a sort of you type person that I'm pretty sure was you.

STEVE:

What did you see in relation to the craft?

NAT WICKS:

Well it didn't have no relations. There was only one of them. I was outside in the barn when I saw a big ball of light, after I'd flicked on the light switch.

All of a sudden I heard nothing coming from the sky so I turned around to have a look. I tilted my head upwards, my eyes soon followed and I was looking skywards and that's when I saw it; a plate in the shape of a saucer.

I mean I couldn't believe it, up in the air.... I jumped to get a slightly better look and I...I never came back down.

STEVE:

You were J. Edgaring?

NAT WICKS:

No I was in the barn. I aint never J. Edgared in a barn. You aint got none much of a brain if you don't mind me saying. Why would I J. Edgar in my barn? I was Herberting. You see I was walking but the ground was not meetin' my feet. It was got to do with them saucers.

STEVE:

What happened then?

NAT WICKS:

Then my mind went blank.

STEVE:

Then ....your mind went blank. Your mind only went blank then?

NAT WICKS:

Yes sir. Then I woke up and all you folk were standing around me.

STEVE:

But you never passed out. You were standing on your front porch when we pulled up.

NAT WICKS:

[BEAT]Which event are you talking about again? I mean I'm 27?? years old. Literally tens of things have happened to me in my life.

STEVE:

I'm talking about the UFO'S which you claim to have seen tonight.

NAT WICKS:

I aint seen none of them sir. I aint never seen them UFO's. I was minding my own business, floating around my farm when you lot showed up. I swear I aint seen nothing...I mean I have seen some stuff; trees, biscuits, oranges, I once saw my cat bite a mans tooth but no UFO's, now can ya'll just leave me alone!!

STEVE:

Well this looks like a very costly interview wasted, back to you in the studio.

WE CUT BACK TO STUDIO BUT CAN STILL HEAR FEED FROM LOCATION.

NAT WICKS:

The only thing I did see was those flying saucers.

END.

Hooray! I almost care enough to read it now

How about:

STEVE:

You were J. Edgaring?

NAT WICKS:

No, I was J. Arthuring.

Quote: Otterfox @ November 24 2010, 2:03 PM GMT

(BEAT)Which event are you talking about again? I mean I'm 27?? years old. Literally tens of things have happened to me in my life.

View original

Something about this line jars with me. Sounds a bit British. "Literally" used in this way sounds a bit Limey as does the order of the question at the start.

Nice sketch though.