The Undertaker

INT: SALESFLOOR

A SALESMAN (BRIAN) IS SELLING A COFFIN TO A VAMPIRE, THEY SHAKE HANDS, VAMPIRE EXITS. BRIAN WALKS OVER TO A WHITEBOARD AND ADDS ANOTHER SALE TO THE 'BRIAN' COLUMN. THE 'COLIN' COLUMN HAS NO SALES.

CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL COLIN, LOOKING UNIMPRESSED.

COLIN: How do you look in the mirror?

BRIAN: <SARCASTIC> Is that a snidey remark, or do you really not know?

COLIN: No, I don't. How can you sell to 'one of them'?

BRIAN: Their money's the same colour as ours. Not that you'd know, loser!

COLIN: They come over here, taking our jobs....

BRIAN: They're not taking 'my' job, I think it's the hours that puts them off...

COLIN: Months ago there'd be corpses lined up out that door.

BRIAN: No wonder you don't get any business.

COLIN: It's not my fault nobody dies these days.

BRIAN: True, but like it or not, they're here to stay.

COLIN: 'Undertaking is a Job for Life', they lied.

BRIAN: You need to adjust your business model. Think outside the box.

COLIN: I don't know anything about Vampires.

BRIAN: You'll pick it up. < THROWS A 'TWILIGHT' DVD AT COLIN.>

COLIN: How's that meant to help? I'm not a teenage girl!

BRIAN: No, but you have transferable skills. Here, read this in the car....
<THROWS A 'TAXIDERMY FOR DUMMIES' BOOK AT COLIN.>

COLIN: I don't understand.

BRIAN: It's Vampires v Werewolves over on Eerie Beach tonight. Let's make a killing!

Can't help feeling that if Vampires took over the world (#), then Undertakers would become coffin-bed salesmen instead of taxidermists.

(#) as in "I am legend"

Thanks Bill, That was my thinking too, perhaps I didn't make it obvious that Brian was making a fortune selling coffins to vampires, and he's trying to talk Colin into doing the taxidermy so they can move into the werewolf sector. I'll have another look at it.

You need to set it in one of those VAST warehouse type shops that they use to sell beds nowadays, with coffins on low stands, with lots of Vampires wandering around discussing the silk linings and clambering in and out of coffins to test the comfiness.

The idea of someone stuffing dead werewolves on behalf of grieving relatives is very funny indeed. I love it.

Very funny and original business idea from Brian.

I'd love a stuffed werewolf.

Can I get one on eBay?

Don't werewolves revert to human form when they die? So you'd just be stuffing a naked human.