Airports are horrible places. Just overall so f**king shit.
I was returning home from Turkey this year and the new one is 'no water'. No f**king water out of a bottle. I said 'but its not been opened... look its water im drinking it now.' He said 'no water.'
I said 'ah...you've sussed me. Its true. I was going to soak you.'
He said 'you may have tampered with it and we cannot make any exceptions.'
I said 'what you think that I would have put nitroglycerin in this bottle and sealed it back up again? As if I could be f**king arsed to do that!'
Was quite funny though I saw a woman being pulled over. Very serious offence this. She had a jar of -wait for it- olives. All of the people were watching in shock and I heard mutters of 'how did she think she'd get away with that?' and 'stupid bitch'.
Well the guy pulled her over and said 'I am afraid you cannot take this item through' - 'but its a present!' - 'Well I am sorry but it cannot be taken'
And the best part was, he put it to the side instead of the pile of other shit he'd taken!
"The missus will love some o' that t'nighttt"
I was thinking I'd just stand there and pretend to work there and get free gifts from people!
'A brand new pair of trainers... What size are they sir?'
'Erm...size 10?'
'Right. I'm afraid I'll have to take them sir they're not allowed on board.'
'But they're brand new!'
'Sorry sir. Tell you what, chuck in those Toblerones in all'
But no its getting more and more serious now - and ridiculous at the same time.
At security you've got to take off the shoes, belts, coats. Two years time it will be trousers. 2 years after that your pants.
In ten years time we will all be stark naked being ushered through those bleepy things incase we've got knives up our arses.
"Squat and cough, please sir"
"Excuse me?"
Well, just sort of rambling but maybe it would be a funny subject for stand up?
