Inspired by the recent spate of zombie sketches on BCG and by Mikey Jackson's suggestion of a zombie sitcom based upon 'Love Thy Neighbour' I give you the opening scenes of my mental image.
"LOVE THY ZOMBIE NEIGHBOUR"
Scene. Eddie and Joan's House. Kitchen. Int. Day.
JOAN IS COOKING, AND BUTTERING SOME BREAD AS EDDIE ENTERS
EDDIE: Good evening, my little turtle dove. Home is the hunter.
JOAN: Have you seen the new neighbours?
EDDIE: Eh? What? I didn't know anybody was moving in next door!
JOAN: I've only seen them from a distance.
EDDIE: Are they . . . you know . . . alright?
JOAN: What do mean 'alright'?
EDDIE: You know. I mean are they like us?
JOAN: What do mean?
EDDIE: You remember Bill and Barbara?
JOAN: Aw, they were lovely.
EDDIE (WATCHING JOAN BUTTER THE BREAD): People are like slices of bread from God's kitchen - and He left some under the grill too long. That's all I'm saying.
JOAN: You can't say that. We're on the BCG forum. They won't like it.
EDDIE: They can kiss my arse. Anyway, I think I'll just pop next door and say 'Hello' before I have my tea.
JOAN: Don't be long. It'll be ready in five minutes.
EDDIE EXITS
FADE OUT AND IN
JOAN IS LAYING A MEAL ON THE TABLE
EDDIE ENTERS LOOKING SHOCKED
EDDIE: Bloody Nora!
JOAN: What's wrong?
EDDIE: Our new neighbours!
JOAN: Are they black?
EDDIE: Worse than that - they're dead!
ENDS.