Date with Death Page 2

Quote: Marc P @ November 5 2010, 1:08 PM GMT

No cos it's a reversal/reveal at the end. That's the gag. The clue is he took her to see thriller which is paid off in the end line. I don;t think it would help being telegraphed.

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Are you serious? I feel like I'm being tested here. The way I see it the only clue at all this about the undead is in the title. Without that it's way too vague for people to be able to know what it's meant to be about. So he took her to see Thriller? Is that just for zombies then? And the bit about him dragging her home and hiding in a bush, that just makes me think of sex offenders. There's been a lot of talk about zombies on the forum lately - maybe that's why some are making the connection. Put out of context this is clear as mud.

Quote: Marc P @ November 5 2010, 1:10 PM GMT

No cos it's a reversal/reveal at the end. That's the gag. The clue is he took her to see thriller which is paid off in the end line. I don;t think it would help being telegraphed.

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I disagree. It really isn't clear enough.

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ November 5 2010, 1:14 PM GMT

I disagree. It really isn't clear enough.

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How would it be funny if we know from the beginning she is talking about a Zombie. Riddle me that??

Quote: Leevil @ November 5 2010, 1:13 PM GMT

Because the writing is so god-dammed good, innit!

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In its present state I don't agree. It's just too ambiguous to be funny. Not to say it couldn't be funny but the message needs to be spelled out a bit clearer (without being telegraphed).

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ November 5 2010, 1:14 PM GMT

I disagree. It really isn't clear enough.

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Thank Christ, it's not just me!

I have to side with Dave here. It doesn't make any sense as currently written. Sorry Ang.

Quote: Marc P @ November 5 2010, 1:15 PM GMT

How would it be funny if we know from the beginning she is talking about a Zombie. Riddle me that??

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I wouldn't approach it that way. I'd have it revealed in parts over the course of the sketch. Little clues that mount to the punch. Then I'd probably add in an explosion or two.

I liked it, but I only got it because of the title.

Quote: David Bussell @ November 5 2010, 1:17 PM GMT

Then I'd probably add in an explosion or two.

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MEGAN: Well, that sounds nice.

KATIE: I don't want a 'nice' guy, I want a man who's interested in my body, not my brains!

MEGAN: Bloody Zombies. Haven't got the brains they were born with.

KATIE: Tell me about it I had guy wanting to bite my neck last week.

MEGAN: Vampire?

KATIE: No a Methodist.

[Sorry Angie I liked the sketch didn't mean to tinker!]

I've often wondered what it would be like to have a sketch in critique that got over a page in comments, now I know,it's scary!

Yes it's about zombies, and I did wonder about making the title clearer, but didn't want to give it away.

I'll have another go at making it more obvious, without telegraphing it, so thanks to everyone for the feedback.

Bussell, I didn't get the message either though I sort of figured it out with the help of the title.

What it needed was a scantily dressed female holding up a board that said 'Date with Death' at the beginning, y'know, like they have at the boxing.

Quote: AngieBaby @ November 5 2010, 2:25 PM GMT

I've often wondered what it would be like to have a sketch in critique that got over a page in comments, now I know,it's scary!

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The trick is to alternatively thank everyone then tell them their comments are wrong. Really drives the post count up!

Quote: Tuumble @ November 5 2010, 2:28 PM GMT

Bussell, I didn't get the message either though I sort of figured it out with the help of the title.

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Right. It's meant to be a sketch, not an awesome mind puzzle. Not to say it can't be smart, just that it needs to be a little clearer.