British Comedy Guide

Online Slurs Rock Black Ops Community

I've been commissioned to write this for it to be possibly shot next week. It's got niche appeal but the brief said to really go after its intended audience. What do we think?

Vid description: 'The gaming world was in uproar yesterday following unprecedented infighting among its members.'

INT. DRAB ROOM - DAY

A SIGN ON THE WALL SAYS 'BLACK OPS SUPPORT GROUP'. IT'S A SOMBRE SESSION.

GROUP LEADER:

Okay, everyone, we all know why we're here - who wants to go first?

ANDY GINGERLY RAISES HIS HAND.

ANDY:
It's just so... horrible that someone would do this. I play Black Ops for simulated murder in a cold war setting. It's a community thing. I don't play it expecting to be called a...

GROUP LEADER:
It's okay, Andy, let it out...

ANDY:
To be called a "dick".

GASPS FROM AROUND THE ROOM. LOTS OF HEAD SHAKING. TOM STANDS UP, FURIOUS. HE'S WEARING AN XBOX HEADSET FOR NO GOOD REASON.

TOM:
What I want to know is; when did gamers turn on each other like this? How about a bit of respect for a veteran, you know? I've been fragging n00bs since Quake - now I have some guy nut-dunking my dead soldier's face?!

MICK TAKES THE FLOOR.

MICK:
Right! I mean what's next - people smack-talking their Nintendogs?

A MIXED ROAR OF APPROVAL AND DISGUST.

PETER:
(BESIDE HIMSELF) I was playing yesterday - minding my own business, spawn killing from a glitch - when this voice came over my headset and said, "Hey, LordVader19841234... you suck."

HE BURSTS INTO TEARS.

PETER (CONT):

I'm sorry. Teary I'm sorry...

GROUP LEADER:
(SOOTHING) Shhh. It's okay...

THE GROUP LEADER CONSOLES HIM WITH A HUG.

MICK:
I was on the Treyarch forum the other day when someone posted that my 'What's best: Halo Reach or Black Ops?' thread, was "dorky". What kind of a monster does a thing like that?

ANDY:
I was thinking we should have a minute's silence or something? Maybe a candlelight vigil?

PETER:
(HYSTERICAL) It's too late, the damage is done! I can't go back to Black Ops knowing that sort of prejudice is out there! I don't know, there's a gay bar near my house and they always seem to be having a good time - maybe I'll hang with those guys...

TOM:
(ANGRY) Come on, people! Whoever's doing this doesn't deserve our tears! So what if some loser is sat in his mum's basement saying we're "nerd burglars"? We're better than that! We have to stay strong!

THE GROUP LEADER STANDS UP, NODDING.

GROUP LEADER:
He's right... (BEAT) You are nerd burglars!

TOM:
What?!

GROUP LEADER:
I'm in your base killing your d00ds!

HE FLEES THE ROOM LEAVING THE GROUP IN A STATE OF SHOCK. FROM OUTSIDE WE HEAR THE SQUEAL OF TYRES AND A CAR REVVING INTO THE DISTANCE. PETER BURSTS INTO A FRESH FLOOD OF TEARS.

END SKETCH.

Not bad mate. I'd of used L2P in there somewhere ;) but I suppose don't wanna make it to niche lol!!

Not sure the end is a very good punch either. Sorry dude.

Quote: Gavin @ November 5 2010, 9:48 AM GMT

Not bad mate. I'd of used L2P in there somewhere ;) but I suppose don't wanna make it to niche lol!!

Not sure the end is a very good punch either. Sorry dude.

Cheers, Gav. What's L2P? I did a bit of research but that never came up.

Learn To Play.

Quote: Gavin @ November 5 2010, 10:08 AM GMT

Learn To Play.

And that's an cuss I assume?

Quote: David Bussell @ November 5 2010, 10:09 AM GMT

And that's an cuss I assume?

Yeh. L2P You Rtard. Or L2P N00b....Not that it gets shouted at me obviously. Lol! Like I say maybe a bit to niche. lol!

I very much like the concept, but it was a bit light on the laughs for me (and I imagine I'm very much the target audience). I imagine that a lot of it will be in the performance.

Also, I don't know if it would be funnier if they were talking over xbox live rather than all in a room. That way you could every now and again cut in to a buy just balls out crying.

Agree with Gavin that the punch isn't heavy enough, but it would work better if they were all on live.

Quote: Gavin @ November 5 2010, 10:12 AM GMT

Yeh. L2P You Rtard. Or L2P N00b....Not that it gets shouted at me obviously. Lol! Like I say maybe a bit to niche. lol!

Maybe. Doesn't really work spoken out loud either.

Oh an L2P is more for MMORPGs, but it could work as an insult.

Quote: Nat Wicks @ November 5 2010, 10:15 AM GMT

I very much like the concept, but it was a bit light on the laughs for me (and I imagine I'm very much the target audience). I imagine that a lot of it will be in the performance.

Also, I don't know if it would be funnier if they were talking over xbox live rather than all in a room. That way you could every now and again cut in to a buy just balls out crying.

Agree with Gavin that the punch isn't heavy enough, but it would work better if they were all on live.

Hmmm. Not sure about that. I think it works better visually if they're in the same room. I think you're both right that the punch isn't quite working though. I like the twist of the guy hosting the group being the guy that's smearing them but the out isn't funny enough as it stands.

Why not try something like?

TOM:
(ANGRY) Come on, people! Whoever's doing this doesn't deserve our tears! So what if one person is sat in his mum's basement calling us "lame brains"? We're better than that! We have to stay strong!

THE GROUP STAND UP.

GROUP
LETS DO THIS!!

Loading Screen...

[voices of the team getting killed in the back ground]

Loading complete. All team are dead.

Leader
F**king Lag!!

...Maybe not was funnier in my head.

But lag is a different joke all together, Gavin!

Quote: Nat Wicks @ November 5 2010, 10:26 AM GMT

But lag is a different joke all together, Gavin!

*Shrug*

Quote: Gavin @ November 5 2010, 10:20 AM GMT

Why not try something like?

TOM:
(ANGRY) Come on, people! Whoever's doing this doesn't deserve our tears! So what if one person is sat in his mum's basement calling us "lame brains"? We're better than that! We have to stay strong!

THE GROUP STAND UP.

GROUP
LETS DO THIS!!

Loading Screen...

(voices of the team getting killed in the back ground)

Loading complete. All team are dead.

Leader
F**king Lag!!

...Maybe not was funnier in my head.

Not quite sure how that fits this sketch. They're not actually playing XBoxes.

Quote: David Bussell @ November 5 2010, 10:34 AM GMT

Not quite sure how that fits this sketch. They're not actually playing XBoxes.

Laughing out loud fair enough.

Share this page