British Comedy Guide

Extended Warranty

A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WALKS INTO AN ELECTRICAL RETAIL STORE, STRUGGLING UNDER THE WEIGHT OF A STEREO SYSTEM WHICH SHE PLONKS ON THE COUNTER IN FRONT OF AN ASSISTANT.

WOMAN: See this stereo?

ASSISTANT: Yes.

WOMAN: I'll be wanting a refund.

ASSISTANT: Did you buy it here?

WOMAN: No, I bought it at a cake shop along with two fairy cakes and lovely bun loaf. Of course I bought it here!

ASSISTANT: I was asking because we don't sell that particular make.

WOMAN: Matsui? Are you telling me you don't sell Matsui?

ASSISTANT: We don't sell Matsui. We've never sold Matsui.

WOMAN: You do! I bought it here a couple of Christmases ago.

ASSISTANT: A couple?

WOMAN: A few. Anyway, it's got a twenty-year money-back guarantee.

ASSISTANT: I don't think so.

WOMAN: I'm telling you. Here's the receipt.

SHE SHOWS THE RECEIPT

ASSISTANT: This is from Dixons.

WOMAN: And it says twenty-years money-back guarantee. I paid extra for that.

ASSISTANT: We're not Dixons.

WOMAN: You are Dixons! You think I don't know Dixons when I see it? You just get your hand in that till!

ASSISTANT: Dixons were here a number of years ago. When they moved out, we moved in. It's common practice among High Street retailers. We all do it. One moves out, another moves in, in-out, in-out . . .

WOMAN: Listen son, you and your mates can do the Hokey-Cokey up and down every High Street in the land until you're blue in the face but my stereo's still needing a refund.

ASSISTANT: Your receipt says 'twelve months warranty' but it appears somebody has altered that with a biro to read 'twenty years money back'.

WOMAN: It was a special offer.

ASSISTANT: How much did you pay, in total?

WOMAN: £25 for the stereo plus £75 for the extended 20-year warranty.

ASSISTANT: Right. So you'll be wanting . . .

WOMAN: My £25 back.

ASSISTANT: I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll allow you £25 for your old stereo against a new system. Five years interest-free credit.

WOMAN: Free delivery and free installation?

ASSISTANT: Of course.

WOMAN: How much is the new system?

ASSISTANT: £1249.95

WOMAN: What? Are you out of your mind? I'm not paying that!

ASSISTANT: £4.75 per week for 260 weeks.

WOMAN: Is there a guarantee?

ASSISTANT: Twelve months.

WOMAN: Is that all?

ASSISTANT: Or twenty years, whichever comes first.

WOMAN: I'll take it.

END.

I think the voices of the characters, in particular the customer, are good. You could maybe use more customer service language though - really trying to politely reason with the woman, even though she is clearly wrong.

I think you could extend this scene, too. It ends rather suddenly, I think it is okay to make it longer. Does the woman need more persuading? Would she accept his reasons quickly? My limited customer service experience suggests no, she wouldn't, she'd repeat her argument. Maybe the shop assistant could get more frustrated with her.

On the whole, I liked it!

I too, like it on the whole - no matter how you spell it. Nice voices, nice lines,
nice sketch.

It's funny from start to finish with good dialogue and good charactarization.

Ooh, I wouldn't want to be working for Dixons right now. Imagine the red faces...

Thanks, everyone.

I'll be posting more as soon as I have the time. :)

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