A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN DRIVES A TATTY ALLEGRO ONTO A CAR SALES SITE FILLED WITH MODERN CARS
SHE GETS OUT AND APPROACHES THE SALESMAN WHO IS STANDING NEARBY AT THE DOOR OF HIS OFFICE.
WOMAN: See this car?
SALESMAN: Yes.
WOMAN: It's shite.
SALESMAN: It's seen better days, love. That's a fact.
WOMAN: I want my money back.
SALESMAN: Your money back?
WOMAN: You sold me this car and it's shite.
SALESMAN: I never sold you that.
WOMAN: Somebody from here did. And it's shite. So where's my money?
SALESMAN: Are you telling me you bought this from us?
WOMAN: Are you telling me you didn't hear me the first time I told you I bought this from you?
SALESMAN: You never bought that here.
WOMAN: I bloody did. So where's my money?
SALESMAN: Do you remember the date of this alleged transaction?
WOMAN: Last week.
SALESMAN: Last week my arse!
WOMAN: I mean the last week in June.
SALESMAN: Last week in June my . . .
WOMAN: Nineteen seventy-six.
SALESMAN IS LOST FOR WORDS
WOMAN (CONTINUED): And I want my money back.
SALESMAN IS STILL LOST FOR WORDS
WOMAN (CONTINUED): Cos it's shite.
SALESMAN: Look love, it was probably a great little motor when you bought it
but I think you'll find it's out of warranty now.
WOMAN: It's not.
SHE HANDS HIM A WARRANTY DOCUMENT
SALESMAN: This is our standard warranty. 6 months parts and labour.
WHILE HE'S STILL HOLDING IT, SHE POINTS TO A PARAGRAPH
SALESMAN (CONTINUED): And the words 'six months' have been scribbled out with a biro and just above that, someone using that same biro has written '40 years'.
WOMAN: So where's my money?
HE LOOKS AT HER QUIZICALLY, LONG AND HARD, BUT SHE'S UNDAUNTED
SALESMAN: How much did you pay?
WOMAN: Two hundred pounds.
HE WALKS INTO HIS OFFICE AND SHE FOLLOWS
HE OPENS A DESK DRAW, RUMMAGES BRIEFLY, AND BRINGS OUT A SMALL WAD OF NOTES
HE PLACES ONE ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF THE WOMAN
SALESMAN: Two hundred pounds refunded in full.
CLOSE-UP ON THE NOTE SHOWS IT'S A £200 MONOPOLY NOTE.
WOMAN: Are you taking the piss?
HE PRODUCES A PEN, CROSSES OUT 'MONOPOLY' AND WRITES 'BANK OF ENGLAND'
HE LOOKS AT HER FOR APPROVAL
WOMAN: That's better.
SHE TAKES THE NOTE AND EXITS
END.
