A Sunday sketch; I didn't have any work so churned this out. Feedback etc... kthnx 
INT. LAB
A clean, white laboratory. Edgar is sat looking flustered, obviously nervous. By him are several people also in lab coats chatting amongst each other, next to them is a table with a sheet covering a large bulge. An important looking man in a lab coat enters, Dr. Locke.
Edgar:
Thank-you for coming, sir.
Dr Locke:
This better be important, Edgar.
Edgar:
It is, sir, it is! Behold…
Edgar pulls off a large sheet to reveal a robotic machine.
EDGAR:
AGNES.
Dr Locke:
AGNES…?
Edgar:
Yes, Doctor Locke.
Dr Locke:
The Artificially Glorious Networking Eternal Scholar? Completed?
Edgar:
Billions of pounds and years of research. Finally, she is complete. Yes sir, able to answer any question known to man. An omniscient being.
Dr Locke:
I didn’t think it was possible Edgar. Finally, after 2 failed marriages and 4 children who won’t return my calls, I can die a happy man.
Edgar:
It wasn’t easy, but with the help of my team, we’ve manufactured the most important creation in the history of mankind.
Dr Locke:
[Smiling] …May I?
Edgar:
I’d be insulted if you didn’t, sir. AGNES4322O-H, activate.
AGNES:
AGNES4322O-H activated.
Dr Locke:
Well, let’s give this a whirl. ...How large is my penis?
AGNES:
4 inches, 5 Millimetres.
Dr Locke:
Correct, excellent.
The team uneasily applaud, looking at each other shocked.
Right, that’s just the warm up, try something a bit more complex. ...What is the size of Edgar’s penis?
AGNES:
7 inches precisely.
Dr Locke looks at Edgar to verify.
Edgar:
…That’s correct, yes. That is the size of my penis.
Dr Locke:
I’m impressed, Edgar!
Edgar:
Sorry…?
Dr Locke:
At the machine, you’ve done humanity proud.
Edgar:
Oh, I see.
Dr Locke:
Right, next question.
Edgar:
Remember it knows everything. Ask it the meaning of life; I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
The team let out a light-hearted chuckle.
Dr Locke:
…What is the size of this gentleman’s penis?
He points to one of the research team.
AGNES:
5 Inches, 18 Millimetres.
He stares intently at the researcher, awaiting confirmation, who eventually nods his head.
Dr Locke:
A modern marvel, Edgar. Phenomenal. I think the Prime Minister needs to hear about this. One moment.
Edgar is left with the rest of the team. Fade out and back in again.
Edgar:
It is unacceptable, I grant you that Lloyd, but he is the one in charge of funding, there’s no way we can refuse/
Dr Locke:
/Just got off the phone from the PM, he’s arranging a summit for you as we speak.
They look at each other and cheer.
Edgar:
That’s wonderful news!
Dr Locke:
On one condition.
Edgar:
…Yes?
Dr Locke:
I must chair the presentation.
Edgar:
Sir, allow me to take over. There are questions that have plagued civilisation which are in desperate requirement of answers I think they need to hear.
Dr Locke:
Nonsense, I can ask them myself. Now, who wishes to celebrate?
Edgar:
Actually, I feel quite ill. I really must lie down.
They all mutter along the same lines and exit.
Dr Locke:
Very well, see you at the summit. It’s next Friday, don’t be late! 7:00!
INT. LARGE CROWDED ROOM
The room is abuzz with anticipation, with lots of talking. The Prime Minister is seen staring intently at the stage, intrigued.
Dr Locke:
Ladies and gentleman…
The room is silent.
Dr Locke:
For centuries, Mankind has had but one ultimate quest to accomplish. This quest has been absolute. This quest has been long and arduous. It is the quest for knowledge. The quest for omniscience. Too long has man pondered the apparent unanswerable questions of the universe. But now, those questions – once thought impossible to answer – have finally been answered. People, I give you the Artificially Glorious Networking Eternal Scholar: AGNES!
He pulls a sheet away to reveal AGNES, which is swiftly followed by rapturous applause.
Dr Locke:
AGNES4322O-H, activate.
AGNES:
AGNES4322O-H activated.
Dr Locke:
Thank you, Agnes. Behold!
The room is deathly silent.
Dr Locke:
...What is the size of the Prime Minister’s penis?
AGNES:
5 Inches, 3 Centimetres.
Absolute silence. Dr Locke’s head turns slowly to the Prime Minister, silently asking him to confirm it. He looks absolutely shocked.
