INT: A Church confessional - NIGHT.
FATHER O'REALLY is taking confession when the object of his lust, LIAM, enters the confessional. The scene cuts back and forth between the pair.
LIAM
Bless me Father for I have sinned.
FATHER O'REALLY puts down what he is reading - the Daily Male.
FATHER O'REALLY
What is it my son?
LIAM
I've been having un-pure thoughts about other men Father.
FATHER O'REALLY
Go on...
LIAM
Well, I keep wanting to touch their supple young bodies.
FATHER O'REALLY
Go on some more...
LIAM
I have the urge to run my tongue over a big, fat co-
FATHER O'REALLY
CORNETTO!
LIAM
Father?
FATHER O'REALLY
Nuthin, nuthin. Now, er. I have a lot of sympathy for ye lad, a lot of sympathy.
LIAM
Thank you Father. I knew you would understand.
FATHER O'REALLY
Oh I do. Now er, what I loike ta do at when I find moyself thinkin' about things I shouldn't is ta focus on Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
LIAM
Of course, the Gospels.
FATHER O'REALLY
No, my choirboys.
LIAM
Oh Father! I can't hold it in any longer. It's not several men I fantasise about. It's just the one. It's...it's you Father!
FATHER O'REALLY
MOSES, DAVID AND JOSEPH!
LIAM
More choirboys Father?
FATHER O'REALLY
Er, you listen now. You need to forget any oideas ya have of me and you covered in Flora Margarine, runnin' Scalectrix cars over each other before a quick pit-stop to change out of the dry and slip into the wet while we surge towards the finale of the Grand Pricks. Ya hear me now?
LIAM
Yes Father. I'm willing to do any penance you see fit.
FATHER O'REALLY
Then that'll be three Elton John's, six George Michael's and two Jimmy Somerville's.
END
