A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WALKS INTO AN ELECTRICAL RETAIL STORE, STRUGGLING UNDER THE WEIGHT OF A STEREO SYSTEM WHICH SHE PLONKS ON THE COUNTER IN FRONT OF AN ASSISTANT.
WOMAN: See this stereo?
ASSISTANT: Yes.
WOMAN: I'll be wanting a refund.
ASSISTANT: Did you buy it here?
WOMAN: No, I bought it at a cake shop along with two fairy cakes and lovely bun loaf. Of course I bought it here!
ASSISTANT: I was asking because we don't sell that particular make.
WOMAN: Matsui? Are you telling me you don't sell Matsui?
ASSISTANT: We don't sell Matsui. We've never sold Matsui.
WOMAN: You do! I bought it here a couple of Christmases ago.
ASSISTANT: A couple?
WOMAN: A few. Anyway, it's got a twenty-year money-back guarantee.
ASSISTANT: I don't think so.
WOMAN: I'm telling you. Here's the receipt.
SHE SHOWS THE RECEIPT
ASSISTANT: This is from Dixons.
WOMAN: And it says twenty-years money-back guarantee. I paid extra for that.
ASSISTANT: We're not Dixons.
WOMAN: You are Dixons! You think I don't know Dixons when I see it? You just get your hand in that till!
ASSISTANT: Dixons were here a number of years ago. When they moved out, we moved in. It's common practice among High Street retailers. We all do it. One moves out, another moves in, in-out, in-out . . .
WOMAN: Listen son, you and your mates can do the Hokey-Cokey up and down every High Street in the land until you're blue in the face but my stereo's still needing a refund.
ASSISTANT: Your receipt says 'twelve months warranty' but it appears somebody has altered that with a biro to read 'twenty years money back'.
WOMAN: It was a special offer.
ASSISTANT: How much did you pay, in total?
WOMAN: £25 for the stereo plus £75 for the extended 20-year warranty.
ASSISTANT: Right. So you'll be wanting . . .
WOMAN: My £25 back.
ASSISTANT: I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll allow you £25 for your old stereo against a new system. Five years interest-free credit.
WOMAN: Free delivery and free installation?
ASSISTANT: Of course.
WOMAN: How much is the new system?
ASSISTANT: £1249.95
WOMAN: What? Are you out of your mind? I'm not paying that!
ASSISTANT: £4.75 per week for 260 weeks.
WOMAN: Is there a guarantee?
ASSISTANT: Twelve months.
WOMAN: Is that all?
ASSISTANT: Or twenty years, whichever comes first.
WOMAN: I'll take it.
END.
