A sketch I wrote seing as it's coming up to that time of the year. It's fairly long but I like writing long sketches.
HAPPY NEW YEAR
A living room is covered with party decorations. On the wall is a banner that reads, “BRAMBLEY SCHOOL NEW YEARS PARTY”. Graham, the headmaster, is stood in the centre of the room, about five or six other teachers are sat on the sofa and chairs, most are wearing party hats and have party poppers in hand.
GRAHAM
Right, is everybody ready for the rehearsal? We need to get this right. Tonight is the most important part of the year, a time for happiness, joy and alleviation. A time to look forward and forget the past, forget all the rebellious and defiant students and step forth in to a glorious new year. And for those reasons is why we have to get tonight spot on, we can't have a confusing and disorganised new year it just upsets the scale of things to come.....John why aren't you wearing a party hat?
JOHN
I'm not really a hat person Mr Stevens.
GRAHAM
What do you mean you're not a hat person?
JOHN
They always mess up my hair.
GRAHAM
I don't care about the condition of your hair, do you see anybody else disobeying the rules?..No! So why should you get special treatment?
JOHN
I just...
GRAHAM
I'll hear no more! Do as your told! This needs to be perfect.
John defiantly puts on his party hat.
GRAHAM
Okay, have we all got our watches set?
Everybody looks at their watches.
GRAHAM
Right, let the rehearsal commence. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..Happy New Year!
Everyone apart from John shouts 'Happy New Year', fire off their party poppers and start hugging.
JOHN
(three seconds later than everyone else) Happy New Year!
John jumps up and sets off his party popper.
GRAHAM
No! What are you doing?!
JOHN
What? My watch only just struck 12.
GRAHAM
Well then you haven't set it to Big Ben time like the rest of us have you? We can't have a New Year with you jumping up three seconds late, what kind of way is that to begin the year?! Everybody sit back down and get another party popper.
Everyone sits back down and takes out another party popper.
GRAHAM
Don't bother looking at your watches this time, just follow my lead. Right here we go...10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Happy New Year!
Everybody jumps up and screams 'Happy New Year' but Helen's party popper doesn't explode. Graham notices while everyone else is hugging and kissing cheeks.
GRAHAM
No! No! No! Everybody stop what you're doing! Helen, Helen, Helen....what are we going to do with you? Everybody turn your attention to Helen, now who can tell me what she has done wrong?
JOHN
Her clothes are too depressing?
GRAHAM
No! Well..yes, but that's not too much of a problem. But look, her party popper has not extinguished. Why is this Helen? Everybody else managed to set off their party poppers, is it that you aren't putting enough effort in?
HELEN
It just got stuck...
GRAHAM
I don't want to hear excuses! You have to pull it hard Helen, hard, hard, hard.
Helen pulls the party popper and it explodes in to Graham's face.
GRAHAM
I think you've got the hang of that, now can we please get it right this time?!
Everybody moves back in to position and takes out another party popper.
GRAHAM
Okay, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Happy New Year!
Everybody jumps up and yells 'Happy New Year', all the party poppers are set off correctly, Graham looks happy as everybody hugs and kisses. Then Derek walks into the room zipping up his fly. Graham sees Derek and starts jumping up and down in a strop.
GRAHAM
No, No, No, No, No, No! Derek, where the hell have you been?!
DEREK
I went to the toilet didn't I. I'll tell you what, my arse isn't having a happy new year. What have I missed?
GRAHAM
Just sit down! We're trying to rehearse the New Years celebration! (Graham notices John has removed his hat). John get your hat back on!
DEREK
Ooh, I think the toilet's calling again.
Derek gets up to leave, Graham shoves him back down.
GRAHAM
No! Everybody is staying here and we are going to get this countdown correct!
JOHN
What is the actual time?
Graham looks shocked, everyone checks their watches.
JOHN
Turn on the TV.
Graham turns on the television behind him and on the TV is a news reporter out on the crowded, partying streets of London.
REPORTER
Happy New Year everybody!
Graham drops down to the floor, covering his face with his hands.
GRAHAM
Nooooooo! How could we miss it?! Noooo! (starts crying)
We move into the scene taking place on the TV.
REPORTER
What a great atmosphere here...Pardon?..Oh...Wait a minute...Right, I've just been told through my earpiece that somebody at the back didn't say 'Happy New Year', so we're going to have to start from scratch, everybody back in position and get ready for Take 10.
