Stand Up sketch Page 2

Quote: Leevil @ October 20 2010, 12:05 PM BST

Why not be really clever and write jokes that weave into the sketch? You can be ironic, post-ironic, post-modern, postman Pat and have a fully fleshed out sketch.

Think about John Thompson's Bernard Righton. He doesn't just tell un-PC jokes in a funny way. He makes them relevant, clever and interesting. He hasn't just plucked out random jokes, he wrote them specifically for the set.

I think you need to write your own, make them clever double bluffs. Don't be afraid ma'an!

View original

Why would I want to kill a guy making clever, insightful jokes? The irony is in the fact that his spinny bow-tie device leads to his untimely demise.

Quote: sootyj @ October 20 2010, 12:00 PM BST

Whats the diference between f**king and rsping Leevil?

He deserves one and gets the other

I think old jokes are the most perfect cliches and can slow thinfs up a bit

hence with Funster Frank one of my jokes is how he screws them up

View original

Yes, but Funster Frank is a joke about a crap comedian following an impossible act. It's apples and oranges to this sketch.

Sorry, I meant make your choice of jokes relevant, rather than picking random ones off the 'net.

I'm a racist dyslexic

I ended up joinin DEL

I'm just not v.good at giving constructive feedback.

Quote: Leevil @ October 20 2010, 12:10 PM BST

Sorry, I meant make your choice of jokes relevant, rather than picking random ones off the 'net.

View original

Relevant to what though?

Quote: David Bussell @ October 20 2010, 12:11 PM BST

Relevant to what though?

View original

The message you're trying to send? I don't know anymore...

It's a good sketch

Maybe switch one liners for a shaffy dog?

Gives you more of a chance to build character?

I would prefer he had a slower death and attempted to tell jokes after having his throat cut. E.g, blood is pulsing out of his neck/throat and he is using his hand to stem the flow. MAN: How do you stop the bleeding.... immigrants from coming into the country.

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ October 20 2010, 12:16 PM BST

I would prefer he had a slower death and attempted to tell jokes after having his throat cut. E.g, blood is pulsing out of his neck/throat and he is using his hand to stem the flow. MAN: How do you stop the bleeding.... immigrants from coming into the country.

View original

Good.

Quote: Leevil @ October 20 2010, 12:13 PM BST

The message you're trying to send? I don't know anymore...

It's a good sketch

View original

I've just thought of another way to get the same point across. Write your own dialogue instead of Keith Chegwining them off the 'net. I'm not accusing you of plagiarism, God who'd want to claim ownership over those types of gags. I'm just saying, you've wrote a sketch, but you've actually only came up with 50% of it.

Why am I still trying to make this point. It's not even a good one... *sigh*

Quote: David Bussell @ October 20 2010, 11:42 AM BST

I think the fact that they're old and predjudiced makes them even worse, which is exactly what I'm after.

View original

They should stay where they belong...in the archives

I liked the joke about why Jews eat pizza but I thought the end was a bit flat. I really didn't understand the sketch at all.

Quote: Not Dave Gorman @ October 20 2010, 12:58 PM BST

I liked the joke about why Jews eat pizza but I thought the end was a bit flat. I really didn't understand the sketch at all.

View original

You like jokes about the Holocaust!!!

Quote: sootyj @ October 20 2010, 12:13 PM BST

Maybe switch one liners for a shaffy dog?

Gives you more of a chance to build character?

View original

You mean give him a hand puppet? That's not a bad idea.

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ October 20 2010, 12:16 PM BST

I would prefer he had a slower death and attempted to tell jokes after having his throat cut. E.g, blood is pulsing out of his neck/throat and he is using his hand to stem the flow. MAN: How do you stop the bleeding.... immigrants from coming into the country.

View original

Interesting idea but I think it might spoil the punch slightly. I think it would play better if his death is as gruesome as possible - it'll make the payoff of the audience suddenly bursting in applause all the funnier. That said, a man trying to stem a lethal wound with a hand puppet is pretty funny...

Quote: Leevil @ October 20 2010, 12:19 PM BST

Good.

I've just thought of another way to get the same point across. Write your own dialogue instead of Keith Chegwining them off the 'net. I'm not accusing you of plagiarism, God who'd want to claim ownership over those types of gags. I'm just saying, you've wrote a sketch, but you've actually only came up with 50% of it.

View original

I think you could quite fairly accuse me of plagiarism. I've taken other people's jokes and failed to give them credit. The difference between me and Chegwin is that I've taken jokes no one in their right mind would want to lay claim to and used them without the intention of getting a laugh. The sketch is an exercise in tension/release, not a showcase for one-liners. The question, as you stated in your first email, is whether the set-up justifies the punch, and in the state it's in right now I don't think it does.

Quote: bushbaby @ October 20 2010, 12:45 PM BST

They should stay where they belong...in the archives

View original

Not sure about that. What's that thing about forgetting history...?

Quote: bushbaby @ October 20 2010, 1:44 PM BST

You like jokes about the Holocaust!!!

View original

I suspect 'Dave' wasn't being entirely serious.

There's no business like Shoah business!

New draft on page 1 taking some advice on board.