Teenage/kids sitcom

Howdy. There's been a bit of talk of late about kids sitcoms and I happen to have written one. It's called 'Powerless' and is part animation, part live-action.

I see it as a mix of MI High, Buffy and probably some Harry Potter thrown in for good measure...oh, and hopefully a few laughs. Would appreciate any feedback.

Thanks:-

1 EXT. BATTLEGROUND. DAY. (ANIMATION)

Pan down from the darkening sky to a bleak desert
landscape. A female voice (MADAME FORTUNE) narrates...

MADAME FORTUNE (VO):
Since the dawn of time we have
lived among you. Superhumans with
unique powers passed down from
generation to generation. The
heroic Pacmen...

Thwummp!! A figure in blue (THE MASTER) drops to
the ground, standing solid as an oak tree - his blue vest
emblazoned with a white 'M' logo.

MADAME FORTUNE (VO):
...And warriors of darkness - The
Dread...

Crackkk!! Another figure in a red spandex and black cape
(CAPTAIN TERROR) lands in a crouched stance.

MADAME FORTUNE (VO):
For a thousand years they and
their descendants fought...

The two enemies glare...then slam into each other! Using
sheer physical strength they uproot and throw trees, or
catapult huge boulders at each other, leaping out of the
way at the last minute.

Death-rays shoot from their eyes smashing rocks asunder.
Stone fragments pelt both fighters, but their bodies
withstand the punishment.

Eventually a victor emerges - The Master throws Captain
Terror, exhausted, to the floor.

MADAME FORTUNE (VO):
Finally the Pacmen emerged
victorious.

Terror knows he's lost. He scrabbles to his feet and runs.

MADAME FORTUNE (VO):
The remaining Dread warriors went
into hiding, leaving The Pacmen
to revel in the glory of their
victory.

Other heroic-looking figures in costume (MADAME FORTUNE,
MR FABULOUS and others) join The Master, clapping him on
the back in celebration of the victory. They gaze
heroically into the distant sunset...

CUT TO:

2 EXT. BATTLEGROUND. DAY.

The Pacmen still gazing heroically into the sunset as
before - except now it's not animated they're a
bit...rubbish. Their costumes now look rubbery and tacky.

THE MASTER:
So - who's for a curry?

Cheers and shouts of 'Too right!', etc.

CUT TO:

3 INT. CURRY HOUSE. DAY.

The heroes, still in costume, rowdily enjoying a curry.

MADAME FORTUNE (VO):
The noble Pacmen enjoyed their
Chicken Tikka Massala, safe in
the knowledge that their ancient
enemy was defeated...

CUT TO:

4 INT. CAVE. NIGHT.

Dank and dripping. Captain Terror and other remnants of
The Dread (THE SLIME, DARK MAIDEN, THE FREEZER) try to
light a fire by rubbing sticks together.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
(Bitterly)
The most powerful evil force the
world has ever known hiding out
in a dank cave - it's not right!
(BEAT) And are we sure no-one's
got any kind of flame power?

His compatriots shake their heads. A man in an ice-blue
outfit (THE FREEZER) speaks.

THE FREEZER:
I can make the sticks icy cold?

Captain Terror sighs and shakes his head.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Idiot! For a while I really
thought we had it, y'know? Couple
of lucky breaks and I honestly
think we could have enslaved
mankind in darkness for all
eternity.

THE SLIME (in slimy green spandex) speaks...

THE SLIME:
You mustn't blame yourself, Lord.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
I don't - I blame you!

THE SLIME:
But my Lord...

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Shut it, slime-features.

A sudden movement in the entrance to the cave, and a
disembodied voice speaks causing them to start...

THE VOICE:
Behold the mighty warriors now!

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Who's there? I'm warning you, we
are The Dread - warriors of
darkness...
(Unconvincingly)
...We're very scary!

THE VOICE:
Once perhaps. Now? Not so much.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Tsch - kick us when we're down!

THE VOICE:
Fear not. I can help you become
more terrible than ever you were.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Thanks, but we're already pretty
terrible.

THE VOICE:
I mean like terribly powerful.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Oh. Who are you?

A dark shadow enters the cave.

THE VOICE:
I am 'The Voice'.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
The voice of who?

THE VOICE:
Just 'The Voice'.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Hmmm. Bit weird.

THE VOICE:
I'm not the one wearing tights.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Touche. Very well, tell us - how
do you intend to make us so
terribly powerful?

THE VOICE:
Listen carefully. And hear of an
ancient prophecy. Long before the
Pacmen and the Dread, there
lived...

The group huddle closer as The Voice speaks - his tones
fading...

MADAME FORTUNE (VO):
So perhaps the threat was not
gone entirely. But with the last
great victory a new age had
dawned, and with it a time for
new heroes.

CUT TO:

5 EXT. SUBURBAN STREET. DAY.

A 14-year old girl comes out of an unassuming house,
dragging a heavy suitcase on wheels and followed by her
mother.

MUM:
Lucy, we're so proud of you
getting accepted to Pacman
Academy. Funny thing is - I don't
know anything about the place, or
even remember applying.

LUCY:
Who cares? A new school means new
rules and new regulations.

MUM:
Aww, you really love rules and
regulations don't you?

LUCY:
They're the best things in the
world - next to sitting still and
being quiet.

She tries to lift her heavy case into the car, but
struggles. A teenage boy (DAVID) appears, turning Lucy
into an fountain of gibberish.

DAVID:
Hi Lucy.

LUCY:
Oh, David? Errr....

Her mum gives a wry smile and vanishes into the house.

DAVID:
Here - let me.

David takes the case and easily lifts it into the boot.

LUCY:
Oh, that's...thrrrugle.

DAVID:
Thrrrurrgle?

LUCY:
Yes, it's...a term of gratitude.

DAVID:
Is it?

LUCY:
It means...for...the
thing....the...lah de dah.

She goes to lean casually on the car bonnet.

DAVID:
Rrright. Congratulations on the
scholarship by the way.

LUCY:
Oh, thanks. Briggle...dy-doo

She slips off the car, landing in a heap.

DAVID:
You ok?

Lucy scrabbles to her feet. In lieu of words that won't
come, she just nods and grins foolishly.

DAVID:
Well, I'm glad we had this chat.

He wanders off, bemused. Lucy can only gaze longingly
after him. She sighs...

LUCY:
Brobbbledy.

6 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY.

Very ordinary-looking students filter into the
unassuming-looking school.

7 INT. GREAT HALL. DAY.

Students gathered for assembly mill around aimlessly and
chat. All except Lucy - who stands ramrod straight facing
the empty stage - and 3 others...

A rotund boy (DINGBAT) looks about himself furtively. When
he believes no-one's looking, he whips a pasty out of his
jacket and shoves it in his mouth.

A sullen-looking boy (CRAIG) yawns, as if bored by
everything and everyone.

A jolly-hockey-sticks girl (KAYA), whose fringe keeps
flopping down in front of her face, approaches Lucy...

KAYA:
Hi, I'm Kaya. Your first day too?

LUCY:
Shhhhh. I'm waiting to hear some
inspirational words from our new
HeadMaster. Hopefully it'll be
about how important it is to turn
up promptly to lessons, sit
quietly and things like that.

Finally, The HeadMaster (WHO IS IN FACT 'THE MASTER' SOME
YEARS OLDER) appears, dressed mortar-board, black cape and
a blue vest with a 'HM' logo. The hubbub doesn't die down,
so Lucy intervenes...

LUCY:
Shhhh!! The HeadMaster!

Quiet descends.

HEADMASTER:
Greetings my fellow Pacmen...

Lucy raises an eyebrow, and mouths 'Pacmen??'.

HEADMASTER:
...And welcome to another term
learning how to fight the forces
of evil, darkness,
and...etcetera, etcetera...

All of the assembled students laugh - except Lucy, Craig,
Dingbat and Kaya, who are utterly bewildered.

HEADMASTER:
...who am I kidding? There are no
forces of evil. And why not?

ALL STUDENTS:
We destroyed them!

Lucy, Kaya, Craig and Dingbat are now utterly lost.

HEADMASTER:
Abso-bloomin'-lutely'! So you can
just, you know, go ahead attend
lessons and learn...stuff -
whatever. It's all good.

The students start to wander off, all except Lucy, Kaya,
Craig and Dingbat who are flabbergasted.

KAYA:
People say I'm not very bright so
I may be wrong, but...did that
seem a bit weird to you?

LUCY:
He didn't even tell us not to run
in the corridor!

She realises Kaya and Craig are gawping at something.
Following their gaze, Lucy is astonished to see one of the
students hovering a foot above the ground!

Kaya turns and sees another student (THE MYTH) snap his
fingers...and vanish into thin air!

Craig gapes, open-mouthed as a third student...walks
through a solid wall!

DINGBAT:
Place is weird - I need a pasty.

He reaches into his jacket...his hand comes back empty!

DINGBAT:
Aaaaaaagh!

8 INT. CORRIDOR. DAY

Lucy runs into a deserted corridor! She takes out her
mobile and dials.

LUCY:
Mum??? There's something weird
about this school!

CUT TO:

The same corridor - Craig.

CRAIG:
Aunt Helen??? There's something
weird about this school!

CUT TO:

The same corridor - Kaya.

KAYA:
Dad??? There's something weird
about this school!

CUT TO:

The same corridor - Dingbat.

DINGBAT:
Mum??? I'll need 3 boxes of
pasties at half-term. No, 4.

CUT TO:

Wide shot. They're all staring at Dingbat.

DINGBAT:
What? I got crumbs on my face?

9 INT. HEADMASTERS OFFICE. DAY

The HeadMaster sits with his feet planted on his desk
folding a paper aeroplane. He sends it zooming into the
air...then a heat-ray shoots from his eyes, exploding the
plane and sending the wreckage crashing into the
wastepaper basket.

He smiles, looks around, checks his watch. He's bored.

Suddenly the door bursts open. A little man (MR FABULOUS -
looking much older than last we saw, with beard and thick
specs) rushes in.

MR FABULOUS:
HeadMaster!

HEADMASTER:
(Hopefully)
What is it, Mr Fabulous?

MR FABULOUS:
There's been an administrative
error!

HEADMASTER:
(Sighing)
You ever miss the old days when
we fought the evil Dread forces
instead of worrying about
administrative errors?

MR FABULOUS:
Not really. Since setting up the
school I've learned that I
actually prefer administrative
work to battling evil

HEADMASTER:
But you're Mr Fabulous! You could
rip apart sheet metal with your
bare hands if you wanted to.

MR FABULOUS:
Yes, but I don't want to. Anyway,
remember my holiday in May when
we got a temp in?

HEADMASTER:
No - go anywhere nice?

MR FABULOUS:
A fishing village in Cornwall.

HEADMASTER:
Oh, lovely.

MR FABULOUS:
We hired a boat - you get to see
some wonderful views of the
coastline that way. And there's a
clifftop walks that...wait, I'm
getting diverted. The thing is,
the temp must have been a bit
slack, because...some ordinary
humans have been allowed into the
school.

HEADMASTER:
Normaloids in the Academy??

MR FABULOUS:
I'm not sure we should call them
that, but yes.

HEADMASTER:
This is a catastrophe!
(Into a wrist-communicator)
Scramble the Pacjet!

CUT TO:

10 INT. BUNKER. DAY. (ANIMATION)

A spectacularly futuristic jet bursts into life, priming
it's engines, smoke pouring from the exhausts.

CUT TO:

11 INT. HEADMASTERS OFFICE. DAY

MR FABULOUS:
They're just downstairs.

HEADMASTER:
Good point.
(Into the communicator)
Belay that - I'll walk.

CUT TO:

12 INT. BUNKER. DAY. (ANIMATION)

The futuristic jet powers down - engines sounding quite
disappointed.

13 INT. ANOTHER CORRIDOR. DAY

Lucy, Kaya, Craig and Dingbat huddle together making their
way nervously past the corridor full of strange kids.

LUCY:
I can't believe mum didn't
believe me! She just thought it
was first day jitters.

KAYA:
Same with my dad.

CRAIG:
And my aunt. Can't blame her
really - who'd believe this?

The other kids are exercising their various powers. One
student (STRINGBOY) stretches out his arm to enormous
length to tap another (FLAMER) on the shoulder, then
retracts it speedily before the other can turn around...

FLAMER:
When I find out who that is,
you're toast!

His hand bursts into flame...but the culprit's already
vanished. He flames-off, turns and carries on his way -
unaware that his rucksack has caught fire.

Oh - figured I'd just post the first 10 pages - that's usually enough. Possibly more than enough with my formatting skills.

Oh - figured I'd just post the first 10 pages - that's usually enough. Possibly more than enough with my formatting skills.

This is good stuff.

All things are relative of course and, while it might not be the best thing the The Writers Room or your average TV Comedy Producer has ever read, it's nevertheless very much better than 90% of the stuff that lands on their desks.

When any knowledgeable comedy person begins reading a script (be it a short sketch or a feature-length screenplay), the first thing he decides - and this happens in the first few seconds - is whether or not the writer is any good. The answer is usually a resounding 'No'.

However, upon beginning to read this script, my immediate answer was 'Yes' and, having finished reading it, it's still 'Yes'.

This script, in itself, doesn't really matter. Regardless of its quality, its chances of getting bought, paid for and produced are minuscule. What matters is that it shouts 'potentially successful comedy writer!' at any knowledgeable person who reads it.

So, keep writing and maybe one day we'll see your name in lights.

Thanks Ming - your comments are very kind and much appreciated.

You're probably right about it never being produced, though to be honest I'm not sure I'd ever finish anything if I was writing it just to be a sample or calling-card script.

Deep down, whenever I write something new I always have this insane dream that someone will actually let me - a complete unknown - have their own TV show....hahahahahahahaha!

I found this easy to read and amusing. It certainly has potential to extend and grow.

As a sitcom it might need to be harder-hitting laugh-wise in the early scenes. At present it feels a bit more comedy-drama...not that this is a criticism in itself, more an observation.

But overall, good and worth persevering with.

Thanks Ponderer. Yes, it does have a less sitcommy feel at times early on. It's a balance I found quite tricky with something as high-concept as this. I may try another pass and see if I can up the gags.

Appreciate the feedback.

I liked this too, very much. It's different/amusing and well written.

Have to admit I didn't read all of it but was enjoying it. As it's not been mentioned I'll add my two-penneth.

I felt there was too much unnecessary wording in the 'action' paragraphs. There was a camera direction near the start and things like 'they slapped him on the back celebrating his victory' could be reduced to 'they slapped him on the back'. Similarly, 'in lieu of words' could be cut all together. I'm probably not quoting exactly but there were plenty of examples of this in my view. It was almost reading like a novel rather than a script.

I thought the opening VO was almost exactly the same as that in the movie Highlander, so you may want to tweak it to make it more original - I'm not saying you coppied it, I'm probably one of only a handful of people who ever watched that movie, but if the producer you send it to hapopens to be another one...

On the whole though, good stuff.

Thanks BB and Steve.

The opening was intended as a kind of homage/pastiche of Highlander (and the opening to 'Buffy' of course). I haven't seen the film in a while though so maybe my 'pastiche' was a bit too close to the actual lines!

You're right, I probably got a bit carried away with the actions - you can always trim a script.

Thanks very much for the feedback.

This is extremely interesting to me because it's very similar to something I wrote about 6 months ago. I sent it to the BBC and a few other production companies but nothing positive came out of it. It was, like your script, about flawed super heroes, concentrating mainly on the villains. It also started with a powerful animated sequence and a juxtaposition 'real life - real world' second scene. We are clearly influenced by the same things.

This is good - perhaps almost as good as mine (I would say that though, wouldn't I) and you should keep going with it. As an idea aimed at kids I think it works really well.

I'd suggest changing Pacmen.

Haven't you ever heard of the arcade game Pacman?

Hi Mikey. Yes, I named the group after the arcade-game. It was just there as a placeholder as I was writing it, but then I actually got used to it and started to sort of like it. Probably cause all kinds of legal problems if it ever got produced - but that seems unlikely anyway.

Joe - that's interesting. Sorry you didn't get any positive responses from the industry. Guess it doesn't bode well for mine. My reasons for mixing animation and real-life were purely cost-based (take out the word 'animation' from the script and we're suddenly talking an extra few hundred-grand to produce!). I'd really like to read your script if you wanted to put it up in critique?

Anyway, for those who can be bothered here's the remainder of the script - continuing from page 11:-

.....

Transfixed by this, Lucy accidentally knocks a young
glamster (FIREBIRD) who's in the middle of trimming her
nails with heat-ray vision, and addressing her crew.

FIREBIRD:
Watch it!

LUCY:
Sorry.

Firebird goes back to her monologue...

FIREBIRD:
So Doctor Dynamite and Kid Marvel
have both asked me to the Pacman
Ball. Doctor Dynamite's cute -
but he does tend to blow things
up. And Kid Marvel's sweet, but
...well, he's just a kid. Anyway,
I'm holding out for Wonderboy.

All eyes are drawn to a handsome boy (WONDERBOY) hanging
out with a bunch of mates. He notices Lucy and throws her
an impossibly white glinty-toothed smile. Firebird sees
this and glares dangerously at Lucy.

Suddenly a girl's scream rings out from a nearby changing
room. The girl emerges and angrily pushes something unseen
out into the corridor.

GIRL:
Get out, creep!

The invisible boy from earlier (THE MYTH) materialises,
smirking. He snaps his fingers and vanishes once more.

CRAIG:
Wow! I've got to have that power!

The others look disapprovingly at him.

CRAIG:
I'd only use it for good,
obviously.

LUCY:
We're the only normal ones here.

She looks at her 'normal' friends...

- Dingbat has found another pasty from somewhere and is
stuffing it in his face.

- Craig is snapping his fingers, hoping to become
invisible.

- Kaya smiles her agreement...then her hair suddenly drops
in front of her face.

LUCY:
Well normal-ish. We should stay
close to each other - agreed?

KAYA:
(Brushing hair aside)
Agreed.

DINGBAT:
(Through mouthful of pasty)
Agreed.

Meanwhile Craig is still snapping his fingers, futilely

LUCY:
Craig!

CRAIG:
Oh, err yeah.

LUCY:
We blend in and try not to draw
attention to ourselves, but above
all we stick together. Right?

ALL:
Right!

But they all start to wander off in different directions.

LUCY:
Wait - where are you going?

They each show their lesson-schedules.

KAYA:
French.

CRAIG:
Maths.

DINGBAT:
Geography? What about you?

Lucy checks her schedule.

LUCY:
History. Perfect.


14 INT. CLASSROOM. DAY

Lucy enters the class, nervously. The only free seat is
next to Wonderboy, who smiles at her. She blushes deeply,
but takes the seat.

The female teacher (An older MADAME FORTUNE) finishes
writing on the board and addresses the
class

MADAME FORTUNE:
Alright settle down. Today, we're
going to cover the reasons for
the great war between The Pacmen
and The Dread.

Lucy immediately sticks up her hand.

LUCY:
Sorry - the who?

The class gasp, giggle and sigh. Madame Destruction checks
his class-list...

MADAME FORTUNE:
Miss Jones? This is neither the
time nor the place for humour.
Can anyone tell Miss Jones when
that time is?

A boy sticks his hand up.

BOY:
Open-mic night, Miss.

MADAME FORTUNE:
Correct - the Academy's monthly
open-mic night.
(Deadpan)
I myself am an enthusiastic
stand-up comedian and have been
told I am hilarious. Now - the
war with The Dread...

LUCY:
But what about Henry the Eight,
World War Two, and...?

MADAME FORTUNE:
Normaloid history is chapter 46.

LUCY:
Normaloid??

She opens the thick textbook in front of her to Chapter
46. It's at the back, is only one page, and reads:-

'Some other things happened as well.'

MADAME FORTUNE:
Picture the scene. An inn in
Shrewsbury, 1000 years ago...

CUT TO:


15 INT. OLD FASHIONED INN. DAY. (ANIMATION)

A bustling olde-worlde inn, full of medieval characters.
The Master stands at the bar. He's handed a metal mug...

MADAME FORTUNE (VO):
The founder of the Pacmen rose
from his seat to get a flagon of
mead. But when he returned...

The Master returns to his seat...only to see Captain
Terror sitting there, grinning.

THE MASTER:
You nicked my seat!

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Yeah? What of it??

He rises and faces The Master. They glare angrily at each
other.

MADAME FORTUNE (VO):
So began the thousand-year war...


16 INT. CAFETERIA. DAY.

Lucy carries a tray of food. She spots her friends and
angrily plonks her tray at their table.

LUCY:
They call us 'normaloids'!

DINGBAT:
It's not so bad. The food's good.

He takes out another pasty from his jacket.

LUCY:
You bring your own.

DINGBAT:
True.

CRAIG:
Do you do anything but eat
pasties?

DINGBAT:
Don't knock it - each pasty
contains 3000% of the Recommended
Daily Allowance of crust.

KAYA:
Well I like it here.

LUCY:
Really? Why?

KAYA:
Dunno. I like it everywhere.

LUCY:
But it's full of morons with
superpowers they don't do
anything with. And they're always
going on about this war with The
Dread - whoever they are.

CRAIG:
I've been reading up on that. As
Pacmen, The Dread are our mortal
enemies.

LUCY:
We're not Pacmen! For one, we're
not morons...

As if on cue, Kaya's hair falls down in front of her face.

LUCY:
...Mostly. And for two, we don't
have any powers.

DINGBAT:
Dunno - I can eat a heck of a lot
of pasties.

LUCY:
That's not a power.

CRAIG:
Well I must have a power or I
wouldn't be here. I just need to
find the way to activate it.

He suddenly stands up...

CRAIG:
Shazzam!!

Nothing happens, other than the hall going silent and
everyone staring at him. He takes out a hanky and pretends
to blow his nose.

CRAIG:
(Sheepish)
Bit of a cold.

He sits down again. Lucy speaks to Kaya...


LUCY:
Suppose you think you've got
powers too?

KAYA:
I can run really fast!

Kaya stands, starts to run and instantly trips over a
chair-leg, falling flat on her face just as Firebird
approaches with her entourage.

FIREBIRD:
So, dork squad?

LUCY:
We're not dorks.

Kaya choses that moment to stand and take her seat.

KAYA:
(Cheerily)
I fell over.

Firebird throws Lucy look that says - 'Oh really?'

FIREBIRD:
This is a warning - keep your
grubby claws away from Wonderboy,
missy, or we'll have dealings!

LUCY:
I have no idea what you're
talking about. I don't even know
who Wonderboy is.

FIREBIRD:
You know alright - feeb!

LUCY:
That's not a word. Now listen...

Firebird turns away and holds up her palm.

FIREBIRD:
Talk to the hand.

LUCY:
Why would I do that?

FIREBIRD:
Because...
(Can't think of a reply)
...whatevah!

LUCY:
What do you mean - 'whatever'?

Firebird can't back down - her girls are watching.

FIREBIRD:
I mean...face? Bothered?

She does an impressive fingersnap and head roll.

LUCY:
Do you even understand any of the
things you say?

FIREBIRD:
No. I mean, yeah. I mean Whate...

LUCY:
...'Whatever'?

Firebird glows crimson. Her girls are shocked.

FIREBIRD:
(Hissing)
I'm watching you!

She storms off, followed by her entourage.

LUCY:
I have not the faintest idea what
she just said. Why do people say
that...
(Mimicking)
...'Whatever'?

DINGBAT:
You showed her, anyway.
So...who's Wonderboy?

But before she can answer, The HeadMaster slams his hands
down on their table.

HEADMASTER:
Gotcha!


17 INT. HEADMASTERS OFFICE. DAY

The 4 teenagers sit before The HeadMaster.

HEADMASTER:
So, let me get this straight -
none of you has any powers?

KAYA:
I can run really fast!

Kaya stands.

HEADMASTER:
Sit down.

Kaya sits.

DINGBAT:
I can eat loads of pasties.

HEADMASTER:
That's not a power.

LUCY:
Told you.

CRAIG:
I've got a power...!

The headmaster raises a sceptical eyebrow.

CRAIG:
(Sheepish)
...I assume.

The HeadMaster shakes his head.

HEADMASTER:
This has been a terrible mistake.
You're not Pacmen.

LUCY:
Women.

HEADMASTER:
What?

LUCY:
Well we...
(Indicating Kaya and
herself)
...would be 'Pacwomen'.

HEADMASTER:
There's no such thing as a
Pacwoman.

LUCY:
That is the most sexist thing
I've ever heard! Well, I'm
definitely not a Pacman now.

HEADMASTER:
I know.

LUCY:
And it's nice of you to offer,
but I don't want to be a Pacwoman
either.

HEADMASTER:
I'm not offering.

KAYA:
I do.

CRAIG
Me too.

DINGBAT:
You want to be a Pacwoman?

CRAIG:
Err, maybe. What's on offer
again?

HEADMASTER:
Nothing is on offer! You are
neither Pacmen, nor Pacwomen. The
first because you have no powers
and the second because there's no
such thing.

CRAIG:
Please let us be Pacmen sir! I
just know that deep down I've got
a power. For years I've felt that
somehow I - Craig Montmorency
Derby was destined for...

DINGBAT:
Montmorency??

CRAIG:
Shut it Dingbat, or I'll give you
a bunch of fives.

DINGBAT:
A bunch of fives? Ooh, I'm
scared. Then what? A clip round
the ear? A knuckle sandwich?

Craig stands and threatens a punch...

CRAIG:
How about a knuckle pasty? You'd
like that, wouldn't you?

Dingbat stands too.

DINGBAT:
Maybe I would!

CRAIG:
Yeah?

KAYA:
Why don't we all sing a song?
(Singing)
'Michael row the boat ashore...'

LUCY:
You boys and your macho nonsense.
Why'd you want to be Pacmen
anyway? It's not like you'd learn
about rules and regulat...

HEADMASTER:
Quiet!!

They fall silent.

HEADMASTER:
Face it, you're powerless - which
means you can't stay here. What
if there was an attack?

LUCY:
By who?

HEADMASTER:
The Dread.

LUCY:
I thought they'd been defeated?

HEADMASTER:
Yeah, but...err...they could
become powerful again...somehow.
Any moment Mr Fabulous could
burst through that door and say
'HeadMaster - The Dread are
attacking!'

Suddenly the door bursts open and Mr Fabulous rushes in.

MR FABULOUS:
HeadMaster??

The HeadMaster sits up, alert.

MR FABULOUS:
I can't find the stapler!

HEADMASTER:
(Deflated)
2nd drawer, stationery office.

MR FABULOUS:
Phew! Thank you.

He exits, closing the door...which then quickly re-opens.

MR FABULOUS:
Oh, and The Dread are attacking.

The HeadMaster leaps to his feet.

CUT TO:

18 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY. (ANIMATION).

Chaos. A group of black-clad, helmeted people are rushing
around throwing beams out of their eyes, blowing up bits
of the school grounds, tearing down parts of the
school-building, and leaping in front of terrified
students.

The leader steps out of a futuristic tank and takes off
his helmet...it's Captain Terror. He laughs evilly.


19 INT. HEADMASTERS OFFICE. DAY

The HeadMaster and the kids observe the chaos below.

HEADMASTER:
Captain Terror! I should have
known!

He punches his fist into his hand, Batman-style, then
takes another look outside...

HEADMASTER:
Hey - how come he looks so young?


20 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY

And indeed Captain Terror's face hasn't aged.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Master! Why do you not face me?


21 INT. HEADMASTERS OFFICE. DAY

LUCY:
Yes - why don't you face him?

HEADMASTER:
(Distracted)
Moisturiser. Got to be. Gallons
of it and...Oh - yes, I suppose
we should fight them....

But still he does nothing.

LUCY:
Well?


22 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY

Captain Terror addresses the fleeing Pacmen students and
teachers.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
It is as we were told! You've
grown lazy and forgotten how to
use your powers.


23 INT. HEADMASTERS OFFICE. DAY

HEADMASTER:
He's right - it's been so long, I
can't remember how to use my
powers in battle.

LUCY:
But they're destroying the
school!

The HeadMaster shrugs, helplessly.

LUCY:
Ok, what powers have you got?

HEADMASTER:
Lots. I can warp metal just by
looking at it.

LUCY:
So? Look at that tank.

HeadMaster stares at the tank...nothing happens.

HEADMASTER:
Guess I'm rusty.
(Jokily)
Shame we can't say the same for
the tank, eh?

He holds up his hand for a high-five in response to his
joke - but receives only an angry glare from Lucy.

HEADMASTER:
No?

He goes back to concentrating. Sweat gathers on his brow.


24 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY.

The chaos is growing. Captain Terror laughs maniacally.

Then, suddenly, the Tank wobbles a tiny bit.


25 INT. HEADMASTERS OFFICE. DAY

HEADMASTER:
(Ecstatic)
Hey! Did you see that??

LUCY:
Keep at it. Come on you lot!

The kids rush out of the office.


26 INT. CORRIDOR. DAY

The student Pacmen are huddled in the outer doorway,
frightened, when Lucy and the gang arrive.

LUCY:
Ok - what powers have we got
here? You - Invisible Creep.

THE MYTH:
My name is 'The Myth'.

LUCY:
Whatever!
(Realising)
Oh, that's what that means...
(Back to The Myth)
...Anyway, turn invisible!

THE MYTH:
What for?

DINGBAT:
Trip them up. Push them over.
They can't fight you if they
can't see you.

LUCY:
Exactly.

THE MYTH:
That's just crazy enough to work!

He clicks his fingers and vanishes.


27 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY.

A New Dread warrior gives a mighty roar as he sprints into
battle...and falls flat on his face.

The Myth materialises and 'dusts' his hands, smirking.

THE MYTH:
Nearly as much fun as sneaking
into the girls changing room.


28 INT. CORRIDOR. DAY.

LUCY:
What else we got?

A stocky lad (DIGGER) tentatively puts up his hand.

DIGGER:
I can drill massive holes.

LUCY:
Go!


29 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY.

Digger rushes out of the corridor, leaps into the air and
starts to spin impossibly fast. As he lands he drills
straight into the ground.

A New Dread warrior chasing a student suddenly
shrieks...as he disappears down the hole.


30 INT. CORRIDOR. DAY

LUCY:
(To Firebird)
You - you've got heat-ray eyes.

FIREBIRD:
If you think I'm going out and
messing up my nails you are so
mistaken it's not funny.

KAYA:
I've just had a brilliant idea!

LUCY:
Does it involve running really
fast?

KAYA:
Yes.

And she shoots off.

LUCY:
Kaya, wait!

Lucy addresses the remaining Pacmen as inspiring music
swells...

LUCY:
See? No powers, no brain, just
stupid floppy hair - but she's
going to fight! What are you
going to do??

CRAIG:
Hey Dingbat - why don't you see
if being able to eat loads of
pasties comes in handy?

DINGBAT:
Maybe I will. Waaaaaagh!

And with a fearsome yell, he slams through the door. Craig
calls after

CRAIG:
I was being sarcastic!


31 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY.

Dingbat bursts out into the chaos, locates the nearest New
Dread warrior and leaps onto him - flattening him.

Meanwhile, Kaya is running around in a circle very fast -
unnerving The New Dread, who won't go near her.

THE SLIME:
Stay back Lord - we think she's
going to create a mini-cyclone!

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Are you sure?

THE SLIME:
No, but she's really weird. I
don't think The Pacmen are as
weakened as we'd been led to
believe.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Use your power!

THE SLIME:
Err, my power is that I'm quite
good at maths.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Eh?? Why are you called The
Slime??

THE SLIME:
I just happen to be very slimy.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
(Sighs)
Brilliant.

Suddenly a roar, as hordes of other Pacmen students burst
out of the school.

THE SLIME:
I think we should run away.

Captain Terror considers, then...

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Good idea. Run away everyone!


32 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY. (ANIMATION).

The Pacmen heroes chase the New Dread warriors towards
their tank...which suddenly bends completely in two!


33 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY

CAPTAIN TERROR:
(Sulkily)
Great - now we have to walk home!


34 EXT. PACMAN ACADEMY. DAY

Lucy grabs Kaya.

LUCY:
It's ok you can stop. We did it.

Kaya stops, grins...and falls over. She immediately gets
up again grinning.

KAYA:
Wow - I'm really dizzy.

Dingbat climbs off his victim, who groans and waddles off.

Dingbat smirks at the sullen Craig.

DINGBAT:
And that, my friend, is the power
of pasties!

CRAIG:
Just wait till my powers kick in!

He tries clicking his heels together.

CRAIG:
Alacazoo!

Nothing.


35 INT. HEADMASTERS OFFICE. DAY

The HeadMaster looks very pleased with himself as Mr
Fabulous enters.

HEADMASTER:
Mr Fabulous - I bent the tank
with my mind!

MR FABULOUS:
That's all very well HeadMaster -
but the stapler was not in the
second drawer!


36 INT. GREAT HALL. DAY.

Lucy, Kaya, Dingbat and Craig are on the stage in front of
the entire school, being presented with medals by The
HeadMaster

HEADMASTER:
For their courage in showing us
that while special powers are
cool, they're even better when we
use them properly - it gives me
great pleasure to make Lucy,
Kaya, Dingbat and Craig honorary
Pacmen...oh - and Pacwomen.

Cheers from the assembled kids.

HEADMASTER:
But you know, we learned
something else today. We learned
that the greatest power is not
being able to fly, or to turn
invisible. No, the greatest power
is...being able to bend metal
with your mind. Still can't
believe I did that! Round of
applause for me!

Half-hearted applause.

HEADMASTER:
Thank you, thank you. Too kind.

The assembly breaks up.


KAYA:
Isn't it great - we're Pacwomen!

LUCY:
Yeah - great. I'm still not sure
it's what I want though.

Like a bad penny, Firebird appears...

FIREBIRD:
Very wise. Cos after today the
Academy's going to train us to
use our powers to fight. And you
do not want to face me then.

LUCY:
I don't want to face you now.

FIREBIRD:
Well, you'll want to even less
then!

LUCY:
You know something?

Firebird holds her hand up, dismissively.

LUCY:
You cracked a nail.

Firebird checks and is horrified to see she's right.

FIREBIRD:
Aaaaagh!

At that moment Wonderboy appears...

FIREBRID:
Wonderboy? Don't look at me!
Don't look at me!!!

She shrieks off, hiding her broken nail.

WONDERBOY:
What's her problem? Hi. Lucy,
isn't it? I just wanted to say
how impressed I am at the way you
handled yourself back there.

Lucy melts into a pool of gibberish.

LUCY:
Oh, just you know...the bfft,
thing....the...lah de dah.

WONDERBOY:
Errr, right. So - I hear you
might be leaving us?

LUCY:
What - me? No! I'm not leaving.
Just you know...brobbledy.

CRAIG:
(To Kaya and Dingbat)
Least I have the power of speech.

They laugh - unaware that a tiny fly buzzing nearby
appears to be watching them. A close up reveals it's not a
fly at all, but a tiny man carrying a small camera-lens
strapped to his forehead.

Having seen what he wants to see he zooms off, turning
only once to grin and give an ironic farewell salute. Then
he shoots off once more...and smacks straight into a wall.

CUT TO:


37 INT. NEW DREAD HEADQUARTERS. DAY.

New Dread warriors watch this accident on a monitor.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
I'm surrounded by idiots!

He turns the monitor off.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
So - new Pacmen, eh? With
something we've never encountered
before - brains. Dark Maiden!
Freezer! Blubberface! Find out
everything you can about them.
What are their their fears, their
likes and dislikes, their
favourite foods? Do they have
pets? What films do they watch?
What flavour ice-cream do they
like...and so on.

DARK MAIDEN/THE FREEZER/BLUBBERFACE:
My lord!

They warriors leap into action, leaving Captain Terror
alone with The Slime.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Slime?


THE SLIME:
(Excited)
Yes, my lord?

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Find The Voice. We must know why
the prophecy never foretold this.

THE SLIME:
(Dejected)
Oh.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
What?

THE SLIME:
It's just...I thought you were
going to give me a surprise.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Why on earth would I do that?

THE SLIME:
'Cos it's my birthday.

CAPTAIN TERROR:
Get out of here!!

The Slime sulks off, leaving Captain Terror shaking his
head in irritation

We pull back, through a nearby window in the lair...

CUT TO:


38 EXT. MOUNTAIN LAIR. DAY (ANIMATION).

...We pull back further - revealing the lair is in a
mountain fortress on a dark, rain-battered, rugged island
surrounded by stormy seas.

MADAME FORTUNE (VO):
And so began the second great war
between The Pacmen and The New
Dread. A war in which ordinary
humans were to play the largest
part of all.

Lightning flashes, thunder crashes.

FADE OUT: