British Comedy Guide

Need help

I'm writing a kids' sitcom and I need a list of child-friendly insults, especially - but not exclusively - describing an unintelligent person. For instance "div" "divvy" or "thicko". The likes of "Mong" and "Spaz" are no good for obvious reasons. Although in SpongeBob The Movie he does get called a Knucklehead McSpazz-O-Tron.

But anyway.

Can anyone assist?

Spanner is a good all purpose one.

When I was a kid, if someone did something stupid or wrong, we'd say, 'You Spoon!'

Quote: RJ @ October 8 2010, 10:31 PM BST

Spanner is a good all purpose one.

Yeah I like spanner but isn't that contraction of spastic? Not sure I could use it. Maybe, I dunno. Cheers.

Quote: Lee Henman @ October 8 2010, 10:12 PM BST

I'm writing a kids' sitcom and I need a list of child-friendly insults, especially - but not exclusively - describing an unintelligent person. For instance "div" "divvy" or "thicko". The likes of "Mong" and "Spaz" are no good for obvious reasons. Although in SpongeBob The Movie he does get called a Knucklehead McSpazz-O-Tron.

But anyway.

Can anyone assist?

You Zero?

Quote: Matthew Stott @ October 8 2010, 10:34 PM BST

When I was a kid, if someone did something stupid or wrong, we'd say, 'You Spoon!'

Spoon's good. Cheer's Stott.

Quote: Marc P @ October 8 2010, 10:36 PM BST

You Zero?

Yep, cheers Marc.

Numpty?

Where does div actually come from?

Quote: zooo @ October 8 2010, 10:38 PM BST

Numpty?

Where does div actually come from?

Reading.

I like Tool and Chop.

Quote: zooo @ October 8 2010, 10:38 PM BST

Numpty?

Where does div actually come from?

Numpty's great. I've looked up div and it seems there's an ambiguity of origin. Some think it originates from prison slang in the UK. A job often given to the lowest inmates was to put cardboard dividers into boxes. Someone given this job was a 'divider' or a 'div'. Now used as an insult to those who display stupidity.

Others say div is short for divvy which in turn is a corruption of Deva. The Deva Hospital was a well known mental hospital (since renamed the West Cheshire Hospital) on the outskirts of Chester. Chester was founded by the Romans who named it Deva.

So I'm hoping it's the first one

Quote: AngieBaby @ October 8 2010, 10:39 PM BST

I like Tool and Chop.

Can't use tool. Never heard chop though.

My dad still calls me turnip-head. I'll probably use that too.

Alf on Home & Away calls people 'you great pork chop'.

Quote: Lee Henman @ October 8 2010, 10:42 PM BST

Numpty's great. I've looked up div and it seems there's an ambiguity of origin. Some think it originates from prison slang in the UK. A job often given to the lowest inmates was to put cardboard dividers into boxes. Someone given this job was a 'divider' or a 'div'. Now used as an insult to those who display stupidity.

Blimey, who knew!

Quote: zooo @ October 8 2010, 10:43 PM BST

Alf on Home & Away calls people 'you great pork chop'.

Hmmm. How's that novel coming along?

I don't know why but it's gradually become set in Australia and there's loads of home decoration and cooking in it.

Muppet? Dingus?

Quote: Matthew Stott @ October 8 2010, 10:34 PM BST

When I was a kid, if someone did something stupid or wrong, we'd say, 'You Spoon!'

No one believed me that this is a thing?

Quote: Lee Henman @ October 8 2010, 10:36 PM BST

Spoon's good.

No, it isn't.

'Spoon' is a racist slang word!

Egg and spoon = coon.

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