Time of the Month

Into the valley of death...

MAN WALKS ONSTAGE TALKING ON A MOBILE PHONE. HE IS CLEARLY AGITATED

MAN:
I know this is a bit tacky, doing it over the phone like this, but I think we need to split.

LISTENS BRIEFLY TO THE PHONE

MAN (CONT):
Look, lets not kid ourselves; your behaviour over the last few days has been appalling.

LISTENS BRIEFLY TO THE PHONE

MAN (CONT):
SARCASTICALLY) Yes, I know it's "that time of the month" but that doesn't excuse it. And it's not exactly a one-off is it? For a week every month you're a complete bitch.

LISTENS BRIEFLY TO THE PHONE

MAN (CONT):
No, I don't know what it's like for you, but it's pretty bloody for everyone else. And let's face it, when you're 'on' you take no pride in your appearance do you?

LISTENS BRIEFLY TO THE PHONE

MAN (CONT):
No. It's not 'perfectly normal'. And it's not just with me either. I couldn't believe how you bit Alan's head off last night.

LISTENS BRIEFLY TO THE PHONE

MAN (CONT):
But you know what, it's not even that that bothers me most. No, I can put up with the mood swings and the screaming. It's the blood that bothers me.

PAUSES FOR A BEAT

MAN (CONT):
I mean is that normal? The toilet is blocked for a week, and I'm forever mopping up after you.

LISTENS BRIEFLY TO THE PHONE

MAN (CONT):
What do you mean, unsympathetic? How many blokes have to change the sheets every bloody day? And I do mean bloody.

LISTENS BRIEFLY TO THE PHONE

MAN (CONT):
Look, if I'm honest, I don't think I even believe in this so-called "syndrome", I don't think most men do. I mean it's all a bit convenient isn't it? And there's no proper medical evidence is there?

WOMAN (V.O.):
Look, I assure you it's absolutely real.

SHE WALKS ONSTAGE WITH HER MOBILE, SHE IS A WEREWOLF

Thanks.

I could have done without the toilet line though, that one's a bit much. I enjoy the rest.

Neat writing not to give away the reveal.

Top bollock

What a brilliant twist and a well paced build up.

Quote: Nat Wicks @ October 1 2010, 1:17 AM BST

I could have done without the toilet line though, that one's a bit much. I enjoy the rest.

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I was kind of trying to get the audience really kind of shocked at the apparently graphic nature of the complaint to heighten the resonse to the punch through relief it wasn't what they were expecting. I can see your point though, judging how far is too far is always difficult in these cases.

Quote: Timbo @ October 1 2010, 8:18 AM BST

Neat writing not to give away the reveal.

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Thanks Timbo.

Quote: sootyj @ October 1 2010, 8:25 AM BST

Top bollock

What a brilliant twist and a well paced build up.

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Thanks Soots.

It's funny and the twist at the end won't be foreseen by the vast majority.

You've written it as what appears to be an on-stage stand-up routine or as a production where no money is available to build a set.

Wouldn't it be better as a sketch set in a bedroom with the girlfriend behind the door of an en-suite bathroom?

Also, might it not be better if the 'splitting up' angle were swapped for one where the guy is simply complaining about the girl's unreasonable behaviour?

I suggest that because it would add much dramatic conflict to the scene as we'd then be dealing with a situation with which the guy has to deal month after month.

As it stands, that conflict doesn't exist as he extricates himself from his situation with his first line of dialogue.

Feel free to ignore my suggestions.

You wouldn't be the first.

Quote: Ming the Mirthless @ October 1 2010, 9:48 AM BST

It's funny and the twist at the end won't be foreseen by the vast majority.

You've written it as what appears to be an on-stage stand-up routine or as a production where no money is available to build a set.

Wouldn't it be better as a sketch set in a bedroom with the girlfriend behind the door of an en-suite bathroom?

Also, might it not be better if the 'splitting up' angle were swapped for one where the guy is simply complaining about the girl's unreasonable behaviour?

I suggest that because it would add much dramatic conflict to the scene as we'd then be dealing with a situation with which the guy has to deal month after month.

As it stands, that conflict doesn't exist as he extricates himself from his situation with his first line of dialogue.

Feel free to ignore my suggestions.

You wouldn't be the first.

View original

It was originally written for the stage (not that they used it...bastards!) and I only posted it on a whim after discussions on your thread late last night so didn't have time to fiddle. I fully agree it might work better within the context you suggest. I was more focused on setting up a conflict with the audience with him appearing a heartless sexist dick. I meant the splitting up thing to be a threat rather than fait a complis, so that he was so annoyed he was threatening to end it. On re-read I see that isn't how it comes across.

This is a good sketch. Period.

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ October 1 2010, 10:38 AM BST

This is a good sketch. Period.

View original

NIGEL: This is a good sketch. Period.

MING (WITH A SLIGHT STAMMER): L-let me say I agree.

Nice Sketch

Liked it a lot, agree with Nat about the toilet line, you don't need it, and it takes you too far down the tampon down the toilet to get back to the werewolf reveal.

It's very well written.
& I didn't see the pay off coming.

I thought that she might be a fly
or am I getting confused.