Aggressive Atheism.

Literally just wrote this in 10 minutes off the top of my head. Be gentle. Also, do you think I should include any more of the studio at the end?

INT- News studio. Female news anchor (ANCHOR).

ANCHOR:
And now time for tonight's top story. Aggressive Atheism Sweeps the Nation. Tonight, pandemonium in major towns and cities across Great Britain, as millions take to the streets in what the Pope recently dubbed Aggressive Atheism or Aggressive Secularism. Clergy members have been warned to stay indoors; though so far only the only people to sustain injuries are the West End cast of Sister Act the Musical. There are fears that the seculism is now spreading rapidly throughout Europe, Mark Pepworth on holiday in Italy has tweeted "Just saw a man punch the Turin Shroud, this is f**king mental".
We're over with Sue Bailey in the field. Sue?

Cut to field reporter (SUE) and man (BOB) in street.

SUE:
Yes Sarah, I'm here in central London tonight amidst the growing danger of Aggressive Atheism. I'm joined by Bob Thompson, who is speaking on behalf of the Secularist uprising.

Bob:
(shouting to SUE) I oppose belief in God so to an extent that I want to punch you in the face!

SUE: Back to the studio.

The idea is good.

I'd go back to the studio at end. Also the first part with Anchor seems way to long could be cut in half I'd say.

Quote: Nat Wicks @ September 16 2010, 4:03 PM BST

"Just saw a man punch the Turin Shroud, this is f**king mental".

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Quote: Gavin @ September 16 2010, 4:14 PM BST

The idea is good.

I'd go back to the studio at end. Also the first part with Anchor seems way to long could be cut in half I'd say.

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I don't know where from- the first section is 2 sentences of setup and then two two-liner gags. Halp! I figure the whole thing only runs abour 45 seconds.

Quote: Nat Wicks @ September 16 2010, 4:03 PM BST

"Just saw a man punch the Turin Shroud, this is f**king mental".

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That made me do a LOL. But swearing is a bit iffy.

OK sketch. Needs something more though.

Swearing is ALWAYS big and clever

Quote: Nat Wicks @ September 16 2010, 4:22 PM BST

Swearing is ALWAYS big and clever

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I couldn't agree more! But sometimes you have to decide whether you're writing a believable sketch or not. They don't tend to swear on the news. That's not to say you can't have them swearing in your sketch. It's just a small detail but important one on what type of sketch it is. Or something like that anyway.

Mark Pepworth bit could be a visual gag, via the news ticker.

"Tonight's top story. Aggressive Atheism Sweeps the Nation. Pandemonium. In major towns and cities, as millions take to the streets in what the Pope recently dubbed Aggressive Atheism or, Aggressive Secularism.

Clergy members have been warned to stay indoors; though so far only the only people to sustain injuries are the West End cast of Sister Act the Musical."

Maybe not just what I think.

I feel like it has to go somewhere instead of just ending. I didn't think Bob's line was funny enough to finish on. Maybe Atheists could erect a gold statue of Richard Dawkins or something. Its a hard area to tackle after South Park did the whole Atheism taking over thing so well.

On another point I'd like it if they killed unwitting stripograms dressed as nuns. But its probably too similar to the cast of Sister act gag.

Quote: Leevil @ September 16 2010, 4:24 PM BST

I couldn't agree more! But sometimes you have to decide whether you're writing a believable sketch or not. They don't tend to swear on the news. That's not to say you can't have them swearing in your sketch. It's just a small detail but important detail on what type of sketch it is. Or something like that anyway.

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Honestly that's one part I was unsure about when I wrote it. I tried it without swearing and it was funnier (to me) with it kept in. Lovely juxtaposition of newsreader and bad language, I like that sort of thing . I would like to know what the consensus on it is though, as my comedy barrometer can oft go askew!

Quote: Don P Musey @ September 16 2010, 4:26 PM BST

I feel like it has to go somewhere instead of just ending. I didn't think Bob's line was funny enough to finish on. Maybe Atheists could erect a gold statue of Richard Dawkins or something. Its a hard area to tackle after South Park did the whole Atheism taking over thing so well.

On another point I'd like it if they killed unwitting stripograms dressed as nuns. But its probably too similar to the cast of Sister act gag.

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Damn it, It was going to have a dawkins gag in there! They were going to be looting the Salvation Army dressed in Dawkins masks.

Quote: Gavin @ September 16 2010, 4:25 PM BST

Mark Pepworth bit could be a visual gag, via the news ticker.

"Tonight's top story. Aggressive Atheism Sweeps the Nation. Pandemonium. In major towns and cities, as millions take to the streets in what the Pope recently dubbed Aggressive Atheism or, Aggressive Secularism.

Clergy members have been warned to stay indoors; though so far only the only people to sustain injuries are the West End cast of Sister Act the Musical."

Maybe not just what I think.

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Thanks Gavin. Have you just cut out the Showd of Turin line? That's my favourite one! I think I'm going to take this one away and scribble on it tonight, while I have nothing better to do!

Quote: Nat Wicks @ September 16 2010, 4:29 PM BST

Thanks Gavin. Have you just cut out the Showd of Turin line? That's my favourite one! I think I'm going to take this one away and scribble on it tonight, while I have nothing better to do!

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I just trimmed some of the fluff. I'd have the shroud part as a ticker like below

You can cram stuff in there then. Just a thought.

Quote: Nat Wicks @ September 16 2010, 4:26 PM BST

Honestly that's one part I was unsure about when I wrote it. I tried it without swearing and it was funnier (to me) with it kept in. Lovely juxtaposition of newsreader and bad language, I like that sort of thing . I would like to know what the consensus on it is though, as my comedy barrometer can oft go askew!

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At the end of the day, it's up to you what language and material you use. For a YouTube video you can do what you want. I think most people compare sketches on here with ones that get showed on the telly, so often you'll get feedback to reflect that.

But as you write more sketches and learn more about it, you'll find what fits in where regarding the type of sketch you're writing.

I like the turin shroud gag the best. The thing I'm having trouble with is I'm unsure what you're saying about the subject. I admit this is most probably down to me being thick but I can't tell if you agree with the aggressive atheist comments made, ( im guessing form other posts you don't)or if you are trying to send up the comments. Again could well be my weak brain, but for me, it's a little muddled. Enjoyable though.

Yes the Turin shroud bit was a funny line, so I was hoping for a bit more of the same, more examples of what was going on, what effects it was having etc.
And then it just sort of ends, and I wasn't sure why he'd want to punch Sue in the face particularly, I'd have liked to hear a bit more relating to religion and atheism

SUE:
Yes Sarah, I'm here in central London tonight amidst the growing danger of Aggressive Atheism. I'm joined by Bob Thompson, who is speaking on behalf of the Secularist uprising.
Oh look, they are erecting a statue of Richard Dawkins on the Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square. It's chromium plated, but what's this?? It has a golden halo.