Diagnosis. Page 2

Okay, what do you think of this ending?

Quote: Nat Wicks @ September 14 2010, 2:34 PM BST

GP: We've got to...

(Ms leans in)

BURN ALL OF YOUR CATS.

Ms: Even ... Prince Meowington?

GP: ESPECIALLY Prince Meiowington.

Ms N sighs and pulls a cat out of her handbag which has been sat on her lap and gingerly hands it over the table to GP. Camera cut to GP holding lit lighter, grinning

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Quote: EllieJP @ September 14 2010, 2:44 PM BST

Nat - I popped over here to check out your first ever sketch - nice one! I LOVE cat lady jokes anyway, so this was right up my street. You could even have a whole bunch of diagnosis sketches... "boring Old Man", "grumpy teenager" etc.

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What about "utter twat?". Damn you, I think I might have to write some more.

There are many good endings possible but the simplicity of the original is a lot sexier, in terms of sketch writing.

Nice! Made me chuckle. Mrs Nesbit is a great name and I'm going to steal it for a character.

For a visual gag opening (not that it needs one), how about:

---

INT - GP'S SURGERY - DAY

MALE GP IS SAT IN A CHAIR, HIS BACK TO US.

KNOCK ON DOOR.

GP: Enter!

DOOR OPENS, MRS NESBIT ENTERS.

MRS NESBIT: You wanted to see me, Doctor?

THE GP SWIVELS AROUND IN HIS CHAIR TO FACE MRS NESBIT. HE IS STROKING A WHITE CAT.

GP: I'm afraid it's bad news, Ms Nesbit.

etc.

---

Very nice first sketch, Nat!

I prefer it with the lighter ending myself. It might also, as an experiment, be worth trying a version adding in Mr Ashdown's dimension - that the doctor persuading her to give up cats has one sat on his lap...

PATIENT:
But you have a cat right there!

DOCTOR:
This cat is for recreational purposes only - I can stop whenever I want.

Ooh I like that. I don't know if I want to make it any longer though- I'm terribly lazy. Also I think if I added that into the middle, it would change the sketch quite substantially.

I could have the lady leave, and then the doctor could pull a cat out of his desk drawer, inhale it deeple and then 'quiver' ?

I could maybe have the Doc's cat habit to come up in a later sketch when he sees her for a followup. "But you made me BURN my cats.. AND I can see the one you've stuffed into your jumper!"

Very nice maybe ends a little suddenly?

But the development is really goodand the description of being a cat lady is full of ace lines.

This is great Nat. Move onto your next sketch please.

Quote: sootyj @ September 14 2010, 3:06 PM BST

Very nice maybe ends a little suddenly?

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That's because it doesn't have an ending! Supply me with one!

DR Especially Meowington

WOMAN Ok, come on puss.

SHE LIFTS UP HER SKIRT AND PULLS OUT CAT THAT WOULD APPEAR TO HAVE BEEN CONCEALED IN HER PANTS WARMING HER FANNY

DR HANDS WOMAN A CAN OF PETROL

DR And Brownie

WOMAN REACHES ROUND THE BACK OF HER PANTS

SKETCH ENDS

This is very nice Nat. Lovely idea, and as has been suggested, has plenty of scope for many different afflictions.

Quote: sootyj @ September 14 2010, 3:19 PM BST

DR Especially Meowington

WOMAN Ok, come on puss.

SHE LIFTS UP HER SKIRT AND PULLS OUT CAT THAT WOULD APPEAR TO HAVE BEEN CONCEALED IN HER PANTS WARMING HER FANNY

DR HANDS WOMAN A CAN OF PETROL

DR And Brownie

WOMAN REACHES ROUND THE BACK OF HER PANTS

SKETCH ENDS

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Now you're just being crude.

Quote: scratchyr @ September 14 2010, 3:20 PM BST

This is very nice Nat. Lovely idea, and as has been suggested, has plenty of scope for many different afflictions.

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Thanks. Do you not think that once you've seen one though, you've lost part of the comedy by realising it's a 'social diagnosis' instead of medical?

I have just come up with about 5 different afflictions that I could go on with, I just don't knwo if it would get old really really fast.

Quote: Nat Wicks @ September 14 2010, 3:24 PM BST

Thanks. Do you not think that once you've seen one though, you've lost part of the comedy by realising it's a 'social diagnosis' instead of medical?

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I concur.

Hey what's wrong with crude?

DR Especially Mr Meowington.

WOMAN But Mr Meowington, he's my soul mate, my best friend.

DR He's just a cat.

WOMAN No he's not...he also writes unfunny sketches.

MR MEOWINGTON WALKS IN HE IS ACTUALLY SOOOTYJ IN A RATHER RATTY TABBY CAT OUTFIT AND IS SMOKING A FAG

MR MEOWINGTON
Alright love going to be long only my belly won't scratch it's self.

Quote: Leevil @ September 14 2010, 3:27 PM BST

I concur.

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I think a second sketch definitely wouldn't be as funny. There wouldn't be so much of a reveal.

Quote: sootyj @ September 14 2010, 3:29 PM BST

Hey what's wrong with crude?

DR Especially Mr Meowington.

WOMAN But Mr Meowington, he's my soul mate, my best friend.

DR He's just a cat.

WOMAN No he's not...he also writes unfunny sketches.

MR MEOWINGTON WALKS IN HE IS ACTUALLY SOOOTYJ IN A RATHER RATTY TABBY CAT OUTFIT AND IS SMOKING A FAG

MR MEOWINGTON
Alright love going to be long only my belly won't scratch it's self.

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You've got an illness.

I don't like runners. Especially on the internet, there's no room for that sort of stuff around here.