Some more one liners/jokes..

Made these up today.. Not too sure about the second as it needs re-wording!

I went to the far east and I was told that only the japanese were allowed to be samurais. - understandably, they didnt want a chink in the armour.

I was in a bar the other night, and I've always been told not to eat bar nuts because they can have traces of urine on them.. But with the group of guys I go out with, im always forced to do stuff I don't want to do... But it wasn't the urine I was worried about, this particular guy's gonads were so hairy!

Quote: Juan of a Kind @ September 12 2010, 12:56 PM BST

I went to the far east and I was told that only the japanese were allowed to be samurais. - understandably, they didnt want a chink in the armour.

View original

Too long and it's back to front. e.g. The Samurai is a chink in armour.

Jokes need to snap out.

Maybe

I've got a chink in my armour. I rent helmets to Samuri.

Quote: Juan of a Kind @ September 12 2010, 12:56 PM BST

I was in a bar the other night, and I've always been told not to eat bar nuts because they can have traces of urine on them.. But with the group of guys I go out with, im always forced to do stuff I don't want to do... But it wasn't the urine I was worried about, this particular guy's gonads were so hairy!

View original

Too long.

Maybe

I don't eat nuts in bars.
It's not the traces of urine, it's getting poked in the eye with a shlong.

I thought that 'chink' was a derogatory term for someone chinese? Not japanese...

But maybe, the samurai would never win. There's always a chink in the armour.

And cheers for the other onethat's much better mind if I steal it?:-P

Drop the second one.

Quote: Juan of a Kind @ September 12 2010, 1:20 PM BST

I thought that 'chink' was a derogatory term for someone chinese? Not japanese...

But maybe, the samurai would never win. There's always a chink in the armour.

And cheers for the other onethat's much better mind if I steal it?:-P

View original

Be my guest.

Your version of the chink in the armour works better than mine, albeit you need the right audience for something throw away racist like that,

Yeah an open mic night probably isn't the best environment for racial slurs.

Wait until you're gigging in WMCs

Yeah true, I wouldn't use that at an open mic.. Probably more along the lines of this...

How many dyslexic people does it take to change a lootbalb?

Haha just thought of that in the shower.

As a dyslexic I approve that.

Racist gags can sort of work if ironic, butthat's pretty hard for early on.

How many popes does it take to change a lightbulb?

That would be an internal church matter, the bulb just needs to move to a socket in another parish,

Haha Yeah very good hopefully my one goes down well.. Im going to add it to the material

I laughed out loud to that 'chink in my armour' gag.Well done.

Ah, thanks very much man

An ecologist announced today that theres a 'f**king bee shortage'. Personally I think he's just over-using his F's.

Quote: sootyj @ September 12 2010, 1:00 PM BST

Too long and it's back to front. e.g. The Samurai is a chink in armour.

Jokes need to snap out.

Maybe

I've got a chink in my armour. I rent helmets to Samuri.

Too long.

Maybe

I don't eat nuts in bars.
It's not the traces of urine, it's getting poked in the eye with a shlong.

View original

Sooty shows his class...

Lol im usually just good at getting ideas.. crap at making them into decent jokes usually takes me ages!

You could do worse than get Sooty to rewrite your jokes. Don't let him do your ironing though - he put four creases in one leg of my trousers.