Some one Liners Page 2

Quote: Juan of a Kind @ September 10 2010, 1:00 PM BST

Yeah Ill drop them, I don't think id have the guts to try the paedo ones on an open mic..

How about..

A dog isn't just for Christmas, Its for new year's if you freeze some.

A message to the county of Midsomer: If you want to prevent anymore of these murders: Stop making the f**king episodes!

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I like the first one a lot, but I'd change it to: "A dog isn't just for Christmas, it can last 2 to 3 months if properly frozen."
Language flows a bit nicer, and really xmas to new years isn't that long

The second one's punchline doesn't really hit for me, it doesn't really have anything unexpected (which is what makes oneliners so good- because they're challenging the perception of the lead-in).

Quote: sootyj @ September 10 2010, 1:18 PM BST

You're the worlds best mum!

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Shut up. Your 'uncle' is coming round.

My uncle? He's my boyfriend now.

Guess I gave him more of what he was looking for mommy dearest.

Quote: sootyj @ September 10 2010, 2:45 PM BST

My uncle? He's my boyfriend now.

Guess I gave him more of what he was looking for mommy dearest.

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*Raps sootyj on nose with rolled up newspaper*

Geez Bussell have you been my dodgy uncle all these?

And why does your coco always give me a sore bottom after sending me into a deep sleep?

Thanks that edit for the dog joke is brilliant ,

Is it too late to do a michael jackson joke? I was thinking..

Technology.. Old people will never quite be able to handle anything new these days. I was in Tesco the other day and I saw a granny at the self-service trying to scan an orange..
..but I do try with them, for example I got my nan a limited edition michael jackson music player. Its called an 'itouched'..no seriously, Comes in 2 colours.. But it went missing the other day, thought someone had stolen it but it turned up in some young kid's pocket - stuck on vibrate..

You had the heart of the dog joke there, it just needed a little jiggling.

Honestly, I wouldn't bother with Michael Jackson jokes, it's a big past it. But that's only my opinion.

Also, some Tesco stores actually do put stickers on the sinngle fruit items now, last time I was there I scanned a conference pair.

But did you think they were reasonably funny? And Yeah well its still a funny concept.. I chuckled when it happened!

They were okay. But honestly it's hard to tell with jokes which are on the border line, because you could give it something extra in the delivery which makes it really hillarious. Why not try ones you're not 100% out on your friends- just drop them into conversation and see what happens.

Unfortunately a version of the dog joke was done by Smith and Jones about 15 to 20 years ago;

"Remember a dog isn't just for Christmas, with a bit of luck there'll be some left over for Boxing Day"

Oh well I know I made my version up I don't know who those comedians are!

Why won't Stalin play hopscotch?
Because Mao always gets a great leap forward.

Quote: Juan of a Kind @ September 11 2010, 1:05 PM BST

Oh well I know I made my version up I don't know who those comedians are!

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I would seriously avoid using a joke that has been used by another comedian. I don't doubt for a second that it's just a coincidence, but even in that instance it's better to just leave it- lest you be branded Keith Chegwin.

yup I spotted that one

your a good gag writer so write some more

Ahh, thanks very much mate.. I will probably leave it out of any gigs that I do.. Although I really liked that gag! Haha :-(