INT. MAN STARES ANXIOUSLY AT THE PAGE OF A DIARY WITH THE DATE FRIDAY 14TH. CUT TO CLOSE UP OF HIS WORRIED FACE. CUT TO CLOSE UP OF DIARY DATE. AFTER SOME AGONISING, THE MAN TURNS TO CAMERA AND SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS.
MAN:
Well, it could mean bad news for somebody!
EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET.
SIDE VIEW OF POLICEMAN WALKING TOWARDS A FRONT DOOR. HE RINGS THE BELL, AS THE DOOR OPENS, HE REMOVES HIS CAP.
POLICEMAN:
I'm afraid I've some terrible news....
(CUT TO FRONT VIEW TO SHOW PERSON IN HOME IS ALSO A POLICEMAN)
.... Sarge.
SARGE:
Good Lord no, what is it?
POLICEMAN:
There's... there's been an arson attack on Dozy Doughnut's bakery.
SARGE:
Oh no! Oh no, no, no!... I'm completely and utterly gutted.
POLICEMAN:
So was the shop.
SARGE AND POLICEMAN BREAK DOWN IN TEARS AND EMBRACE.
SARGE:
This whimpering won't get us any doughnuts... To the kitchen.
SARGE AND POLICEMAN WALK INTO THE KITCHEN.
POLICEMAN:
I'm not very au fait with this baking lark Sarge.
SARGE:
Improvise, use your truncheon as a rolling pin.
POLICEMAN:
This could catch on you know, all the cookery shows on telly thesedays. (PONDERS) Masterchief Constable, or even Scotland Lard.
SARGE:
You forgot Law and Hors D'oeuvres. (PAUSE) Policing cannot exist in a doughnut vacuum Constable, cops and doughnuts go together like chalk and chips.
POLICEMAN:
I know Sarge. The wider public think we just scoff doughnuts but on one occasion when I carelessly forgot vital equipment, doughnuts came to my rescue and doubled up as handcuffs.
SARGE:
Ah doughnut handcuffs... Reminds me of my sweet-toothed S&M days, perfect for those who prefer a sugar rush to having their balls crushed by a stiletto.
POLICEMAN:
Never been a big fan of kinky stuff Sarge, me and the missus tried the old gimp mask thing but our zips caught when we tried to snog. Ever since that, we've stuck to dry humping.
SARGE:
Well, I got my cock stuck in a doughnut once, my then girlfriend had this thing about hoopla.
POLICEMAN:
Very dirty!... I bet you enjoyed your doughnut removal operation?
SARGE:
Not really, it got ate by her dog.
Usual high quality bunch of Skits. I'm going to go for Gerry this week.
Charley.
Otterfox and Kasm.
Angiebaby
OTTERFOX WINS IT!
All a good read but particularly liked: Kasm, Bushbaby, Alex M, Angie Baby & Nigel K
Charley
Kasm has edged Charley by the shortest of short heads.
Michael Monkhouse and Nigel Kelly.
(why are gay coppers funny?)
Hmmm a tough one this week, liked Nigel, Kasm and Bushbaby but Charley pips at the post.
Quote: Reg N @ August 22 2010, 10:25 AM BSTOtterfox and Kasm.
I think having two votes might confuse things.
So my vote goes to Kasm, Bushbaby & Charley.
I like it here
Ok then, Charley shades it.
Kasm pour moi.