Most embarrassing sex you have ever had Page 4

Quote: roscoff @ August 18 2010, 10:51 AM BST

I've had loads but this was recently.

To preamble the story a bit, I've never been comfortable with condoms. Wearing them but especially putting them on. Obviously you have to but I'm still all fingers and thumbs...and erect penis.

Anyhoo, it came to pass that myself and my current partner had been on 5 dates and it was time to consumate the relationship. That's a shag to you Charley . So after entering the bed she asks whether I have a condom. Being a modern man of course I haven't so she obligingly gets one from the bathroom. By now the lights are out so it's pretty dark and I fumble around with this bloody thing until I think I've got it on.

So by now the absolute passion has gone out of this situation but we soldier on but the goddamn thing keeps on coming off and eventually gets lost somewhere in the bed. Or so we think. Either way just we got on with it and a nice time was eventually had.

The following day she's gone to work and is stood chatting to her boss when she is aware something has landed on her shoe. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's the rogue condom! Now I wonder where that had been hiding?

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Quote: David Bussell @ August 18 2010, 3:25 PM BST

At university I shared a flat with a girl who managed to become attached to her boyfriend through the act of sex. Let me explain that in more detail - I don't mean emotionally attached, I mean physically bonded at the groin. It's rare apparently, but sometimes when two people are just the right fit, their loins become sealed, as if by a vacuum. In the end we had to make a phone call to the emergency services to have them separated. She moved out soon after.

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Did they have to separate by the power of floppycock?

Quote: David Bussell @ August 18 2010, 3:25 PM BST

At university I shared a flat with a girl who managed to become attached to her boyfriend through the act of sex. Let me explain that in more detail - I don't mean emotionally attached, I mean physically bonded at the groin. It's rare apparently, but sometimes when two people are just the right fit, their loins become sealed, as if by a vacuum. In the end we had to make a phone call to the emergency services to have them separated. She moved out soon after.

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Thats brilliant. Like 2 dogs!

Twins!

I once had to stop a guy part way though; it was that bad. That was embarassing.

Quote: Aaron @ August 18 2010, 3:06 PM BST

Did anyone really hide behind their sofa whilst watching Doctor Who?

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My mum used to when she was a young'n.

Mine involved early morning sex, a condom full of urine and a look of "How the hell did that happen?". We laughed afterwards.

This one time at band camp...

I remember I tried to put it in my girlfriend's vagina once when I was a bit pissed.

The most embarrassing sex experience I had was my first time.

It was in a tent. I was on a Christian youth camp in 1999, and I had a handjob off a girl who looked a little like Phil Mitchell in a wig, she was alot older, it was all very intense and she came across as actually quite agressive. Getting a handjob in 'thinsulate' gloves which have mud on, was never how I quite imagined it. It was so cold we actually had sex with our jeans on! just both un zipped the flies and humped away like two stroke victims...

Peace and love

x

Quote: Scottidog @ August 18 2010, 9:54 PM BST

The most embarrassing sex experience I had was my first time.

It was in a tent. I was on a Christian youth camp in 1999, and I had a handjob off a girl who looked a little like Phil Mitchell in a wig, she was alot older, it was all very intense and she came across as actually quite agressive. Getting a handjob in 'thinsulate' gloves which have mud on, was never how I quite imagined it. It was so cold we actually had sex with our jeans on! just both un zipped the flies and humped away like two stroke victims...

Peace and love

x

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That's beautiful <3

Quote: Scottidog @ August 18 2010, 9:54 PM BST

The most embarrassing sex experience I had was my first time.

It was in a tent. I was on a Christian youth camp in 1999, and I had a handjob off a girl who looked a little like Phil Mitchell in a wig, she was alot older, it was all very intense and she came across as actually quite agressive. Getting a handjob in 'thinsulate' gloves which have mud on, was never how I quite imagined it. It was so cold we actually had sex with our jeans on! just both un zipped the flies and humped away like two stroke victims...

Peace and love

x

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Apparently Mussolini often didn't take his trousers off.

You don't have a tendency to 'strut' do you?

Quote: Charley @ August 18 2010, 2:50 AM BST

Excellent. I quoted so you can't take it back!

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Meanie!

Quote: David Bussell @ August 18 2010, 8:50 AM BST

Just in case you fancied deleting that story...

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Meanie!

Quote: Scottidog @ August 18 2010, 9:54 PM BST

The most embarrassing sex experience I had was my first time.

It was in a tent. I was on a Christian youth camp in 1999, and I had a handjob off a girl who looked a little like Phil Mitchell in a wig, she was alot older, it was all very intense and she came across as actually quite agressive. Getting a handjob in 'thinsulate' gloves which have mud on, was never how I quite imagined it. It was so cold we actually had sex with our jeans on! just both un zipped the flies and humped away like two stroke victims...

Peace and love

x

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Quote: Aaron @ August 18 2010, 3:06 PM BST

Did anyone really hide behind their sofa whilst watching Doctor Who?

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I've often wondered that too. I don't know about anyone else but our sofa was up against the wall with my Dad sat on it. The only way I'd have got behind it would've been to ask Dad to get off while I wrestled the sofa away from the wall to give me room to hide behind it, by which time the scary bit would've been over.
I'm sure it's just an enduring 'Who' soundbite that everyone trots out - "Oh yes I remember hiding behind the sofa!" Do you really. That's nice. What a great childhood you had, with your lounge large enough to harbour a sofa in the middle of the room that doubled as a Dalek shield.

That sounded bitter didn't it?

Quote: zooo @ August 18 2010, 3:21 PM BST

My sofa was against the wall.
I did hide behind a cushion occasionally. I still do when scared of the telly.

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Just read that. I'm not alone!