Quote: sootyj @ August 13 2010, 7:24 PM BSTNo the estimable David Carmon got it right.
As you see Sharky and George clear up any mystery.Don't get in a flappers Chappers.
Sorry - wrong generation for me.
Insult bank Page 2
An Italian work colleague once told me a good one for when somebody beeps their horn at you. I can't remember the Italian but it translated as something like "F**k you dickhead, there's more traffic between your Mother's legs than on this motorway."
There was a legendary one at school which I was witness to. A lad called Eric something was being shouted at nose-to-nose by our music teacher Mrs Thirkell. His eyes started welling up with tears and Thirkell shouted "Oh so you're going to cry now because you can't handle it?" And Eric shouted "No Miss my eyes are watering 'cos your breath f**king stinks". I don't think I've ever laughed as hard and as long. Happy days.
Quote: Lee Henman @ August 14 2010, 8:48 PM BST
There was a legendary one at school which I was witness to. A lad called Eric something was being shouted at nose-to-nose by our music teacher Mrs Thirkell. His eyes started welling up with tears and Thirkell shouted "Oh so you're going to cry now because you can't handle it?" And Eric shouted "No Miss my eyes are watering 'cos your breath f**king stinks". I don't think I've ever laughed as hard and as long. Happy days.
Quote: Lee Henman @ August 14 2010, 8:48 PM BSTAn Italian work colleague once told me a good one for when somebody beeps their horn at you. I can't remember the Italian but it translated as something like "F**k you dickhead, there's more traffic between your Mother's legs than on this motorway."
There was a legendary one at school which I was witness to. A lad called Eric something was being shouted at nose-to-nose by our music teacher Mrs Thirkell. His eyes started welling up with tears and Thirkell shouted "Oh so you're going to cry now because you can't handle it?" And Eric shouted "No Miss my eyes are watering 'cos your breath f**king stinks". I don't think I've ever laughed as hard and as long. Happy days.
Brilliant 
Back on to insults. I've always enjoyed:
Got a face like a welder's bench.
Got a face like you've been apple-bobbing in acid.
Got a face like a kicked in fridge.
You get the idea.........
Got a face like pan-fried squid
Got a face like a frightened mule
Got a face like a leper's cock
Got a face like a bulldog being raped
Quote: Will Cam @ August 16 2010, 10:18 PM BSTGot a face like pan-fried squid
Got a face like a frightened mule
Got a face like a leper's cock
Got a face like a bulldog being raped
I can't wait for work tomorrow. Some of my uglier colleagues are gonna cop it.
I'm no Robin Askwith mind. 
Quote: Percival Marsh @ August 16 2010, 10:33 PM BST
I can't wait for work tomorrow. Some of my uglier colleagues are gonna cop it.
I'm no Robin Askwith mind.
Hey, glad to be able to spread my pessimistic joy all over the world 
Got a face like a bag of spanners.
Some rather misogynistic (but funny) ones.
She's got an arse like a bag of washing.
She's got a face like a stuntman's knee.
She's been shot over more times than Sarajevo.
She's got tits like roofer's nailbags.
She opened her legs and it was like Chewbacca yawning.
She's had more hands up her than Sooty.
She's handled more stiffs than Quincy.
She's been cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's shotgun.
(AND MY FAVOURITE)
Her fanny's so big it was like sticking my cock out the window and shagging the night.
There was a boy at my old school called Kerry.
So we sang "Kerry is a lady," to the tune of "Sherry Lady"
I hope he killed himself.
WHAT'S THAT SAM, KERRY, GETTING THE NAME KERRY.
When I was an apprentice electrician there were some stock insults that were dished out to erring or just plain thick lads.
The prefix to them all started the same - like 'you useless lump of........... (then pick your favourite)
You think Ohm's Law is something to do with the rents act.
You think Manual Labour is a spanish bandit.
The funniest that was said to me and it has no sense or reason but made me laugh for years was; 'hold it steady you weak kneed c**t, it's wobbling about like a turd in a piss pot'
But back to making this a bank of "specific insults"
Some one owns a cat? Call them Kerry
Former Smiths lead guitarist Johnny Marr?
"Marr's is gay he likes to wank, rest and be gay."
Prob specific to where I come from but...
'shut your arse and give your mouth a chance'
'hes so mean he could peel an orange in his pocket'
'hes so highly sexed he'd try and get on top of a gust of wind'