BSG Sketch comp 4.11-10.11

Good day to you all

Congrats on another week of strong entries. The winner is... ELLIE! Hoorah! Cheers and beers and PM me for next week's topic please.

You win 10 big shiny points and an excuse to celebrate.

Votes - Points - Name
03 - 10 - Ellie
02 - 5 - some tossbag called Michael
01 - 01 - Fred Peters
01 - 01 - Gavin

The new subject is REVOLUTION, chosen by Cinnamon.

Rules:
One entry per person.
Can be a sketch, joke, lyric or anything along those lines.
Please try and only post your entry and no other posts.
You can edit your entry as much as you want, up until the closing time.

Competition Closes: 11 November

Enjoy!

Overall Leader Board then is as follows:-

Points - Name

50 - Baumski
40 - Jude
30 - Charley Rance
27 - Frankie
22 - Michael Monkhouse
20 - Lazzard
17 - Ellie
17 - Fred Peters
15 - Leevil
15 - Dale
11 - David Chapman
11 - Steven
10 - Swerytd
10 - Cinnamon
09 - ajp29
09 - ShoePie
08 - Kent Pete
08 - Stylo
05 - Greggles
05 - Happy Shopper
05 - Timothy Marshal-Nichols
04 - Andy W
04 - losaavedra
02 - Imamazed
02 - Slack Bladder
02 - Paul Nash
02 - Boits
02 - Gavin
01 - Skibbington von Skubber
01 - Ginger Jesus
01 - Nick Rivers
01 - Daddy Maz
01 - Martin Bickle
01 - Hellboy
01 - Winterlight
01 - Batman

Spot any mistakes? PM me. Thanks

Come on Baumski ... either enter these comps or give your bogus 50 points back, you rotter!!!

Frankie xxx

I think he should be took down to 10 points for winning the competition he did, or maybe 20 because it was a "Bonus Competition"?

That's an interesting point.. I reckon he should be on either -10 or -20 then! Good thinking Lee!
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MY ENTRY NOW FOLLOWS!
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EXT. SUNNY DAY. A FIELD ON A HILL SIDE. THERE IS A SHEEP PEN & A BIG MARQUEE WITH A SIGN. THERE ARE LOTS OF NICELY DRESSED PEOPLE IN & AROUND THE MARQUEE & SOME OLD MEN DRESSED AS SHEPHERDS.

WE CUT TO A CROWD OF OLD FASHIONED SOUTH AMERICAN ARMY TYPES MULLING AROUND AIMLESSLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD.

A STARTERS WHISTLE BLOWS. AN OLD MAN STARTS WALKING QUICKLY, MAKING ANIMAL LIKE NOISES AND WHISTLING.

FROM THE EAST, OUT OF THE SUN, LUMBERS A HUGE MUSTACHIOED AND UNSHAVEN MAN IN FULL SOUTH AMERICAN STYLE REVOLUTIONARY REGALIA & WAVING A RIFLE. HE BEGINS TO SHOUT IN SPANISH AND RUN TOWARDS THE ARMY TYPES WHO ARE NOW IN A HUDDLE.

A WOMAN ARMY OFFICER BREAKS AWAY AND RUNS OFF TOWARDS SOME BUSHES. THE OLD MAN WHISTLES AGAIN AND THE REMAINDER OF THE ARMY TYPES ARE HERDED BY THE REVOLUTIONARY INTO THE SHEEP PEN, WHICH HE THEN CLOSES.

THE REVOLUTIONARY SHOUTS IN TRIUMPH, WAVING HIS RIFLE IN THE AIR AND THE OLD MAN STARTS WHISTLING AND BECKONING HIM BUT THE REVOLUTIONARY TAKES NO NOTICE AND PURSUES THE WOMAN OFFICER INTO THE BUSHES.

WE PULL BACK TO REVEAL A LARGE SIGN ABOVE THE MARQUEE: "TODAY: ONE MAN & HIS CHE GUEVARA CONTEST"...

My father's a Catholic, my mother's a Muslim... He quotes the Bible at her. She nukes his bed.

EXT DAY. SFX :'REVOLUTION' BY THE BEATLES.

TWO NEW AGE TRAVELLER TYPES STORM INTO A MILITARY BASE ON MOUNTAIN BIKES. THEY CAN BE SEEN HURLING HOME MADE BOMBS OVER WALLS AND POINTING A LOT, ISSUING MUTE INSTRUCTIONS TO SOLDIERS.

CUT TO THE SOLDIERS FILING OUT OF THE BUILDING WITH THEIR HANDS OVER THEIR HEADS, THEN FLEEING THE BASE WHEN THEY REACH THE PERIMETER FENCE.

CUT TO ONE OF THE THE NEW AGE TRAVELLERS PICKING UP A PEAKED CAP FROM A DESK AND PUTTING IT ON.

CUT TO A SLOWLY RISING SHOT OF THE TWO FIGHTING OVER THE PEAKED CAP.

CUT

Well it's time to close and I'm in a bit of a quandry! Given the, um, scarse number of entries... Do I ask for votes on just three contributions including my own? Or do I jump to the next topic and apologise to Messers Rage and Peters?... Well bugger it, I'm opening the voting till Monday midnight and if anyone's unhappy please PM me and we'll chat about it!

Quote: Frankie Rage @ November 7, 2007, 1:38 PM

Come on Baumski ... either enter these comps or give your bogus 50 points back, you rotter!!!

View original

Not spending as much time on the site as I would like but what happens when I do log on - abuse! I'd be lying if I didn't say I was feeling just a tad hurt. But just to show that there's no hard feelings, here's a revolution sketch so you might as well keep the competition open, Mike.

BRA WARS

THREE VERY DISGRUNTLED AND IRRITABLE GARDEN GNOMES ARE HUDDLED TOGETHER. ENTER CHARLIE DIMMOCK. THE GNOMES GLARE ANGRILY AT HER.

DIMMOCK:Hello garden gnomes.

THE GNOMES START CALLING OUT ABUSE’

DIMMOCK:Well, what’s the matter with you then?

GNOME 1:Garden wrecker.

DIMMOCK:What?

GNOME 2:Leave the grass alone why don’t you.

GNOME 3:Yeah, that’s right, leave it alone. We don’t want none of your interference no more so just go away.

GNOME 1:And we don’t like all that decking neither – right lads?

GNOME 2:Yeah, and you know where you can shove your water pumps!

AS THE ABUSE CONTINUES, ONE OF THE GNOMES ANGRILY THROWS A BRA AT CHARLIE DIMMOCK.

GNOME 3:And try wearing one of those once in a while why don’t you!

ANOTHER BRA IS THROWN. SHOCKED, CHARLIE DIMMOCK THROWS IT BACK. QUICKLY THOUGH, A COUPLE MORE BRAS ARE THROWN AT HER AND VERY SUDDENLY THERE ARE BRAS BEING THROWN BACK AND FORTH. THE ATMOSPHERE IS TAUT AND FILLED WITH ANGRY EXCHANGES AND EXPLETIVES.

V/O:Charlie Dimmock stars in Bra Wars – the attack of the gnomes.

END

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Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ November 10, 2007, 6:31 PM

Well it's time to close and I'm in a bit of a quandry! Given the, um, scarse number of entries... Do I ask for votes on just three contributions including my own? Or do I jump to the next topic and apologise to Messers Rage and Peters?... Well bugger it, I'm opening the voting till Monday midnight and if anyone's unhappy please PM me and we'll chat about it!

View original

I just couldn't think of anything to write for this weeks...I tried and tried but failed miserably. Might find something to write about next week!

Are we still allowed to vote even if we didn't enter?

Jesus is nailed to his cross. His Mother Mary is looking up at him.

Jesus
Owwwww! Ouch

Mary
Can I get you a plaster for them cuts my son.

Jesus
I do not think a plaster will suffice my Mother.

Mary
How about some antibacterial spray?
You could get a nasty infection in those gashes. (Mary turns to the Roman Guard to Jesus’s right). Would you allow me to use that ladder to climb up on, so that I might spray my son’s wounds.

THE ROMAN NODS & MARY CLIMBS THE LADDER UNTIL SHE IS FACE TO FACE WITH HER SON. SHE PATS HIS HEAD WHICH CAUSES THE THORNS TO DIG IN. JESUS SQUEALS.

Mary
(Sprays the cuts causing a rush of severe pain to her son, then clasps his face in her hands) Oh my son. I have waited for this moment all my life.

Jesus
Thanks

Mary
I am so excited. Your long & painful death will bring about a revolution. I will be famous for all time as will you my son.

Jesus
Great.

THE HEAVENS OPEN ,RAIN PISSES DOWN & THERE IS A ROLL OF THUNDER

Jesus
This is just brill eeeeeee ant.

Mary
Ooooooh I am starting to get a little wet my son. I may have to pop back down & watch your death from the ground now. Chin up my son.(Pushes his chin up, causing his head to flick back & the thorns to dig in all the more. Jesus cries out in agony) Only another 17 hours to go my Son. It will be over in a jiffy. (Clicks her fingers)
(Mary descends the ladder, stopping to kiss her sons foot, accidently catching the nail in her sleeve as she does so causing her son to howl out)

Mary Cont
Jesus

Jesus
Yes my Mother

Mary
I was not calling out your name my son. It was merely a reaction to the stench from your feet.

Jesus
(Looks down at his mother) This revolution My Mother. What happens?

Mary
Oh my son it is just wonderful. People all over the world will use your name to start wars. There will be much blood shed in the name of Jesus Christ. (Mary clasps her hands together). My son, would you mind terribly if I was to totter back home now. It is an awfully wet night. Also that Carpenter who brought you up & I get to do the business tonight.(Starts to thrust) For the first time ever. Wahoooooooooooo!

Jesus
Oh Ok my mother, off you go. Don’t worry about me hanging here. You pop off & have a good night with the Carpenter. I will just dangle until My Father comes to get me.

Mary
I am not mad you know my son. Every thing I have told you is the truth. You are the son of an invisible being, whom created man & that lives in the sky. You are my son. You really are. (Waves) Toodle loo now My son.

I thought it closes tomorrow - 11th sometime.

Maybe I'll come up with a flash of inspiration.

A flash in the pan, no doubt.

SCENE A CROWDED BAR.

AN AVERAGE LOOKING MAN OF ABOUT 35 IS SITTING ON HIS OWN. A HEAVILY MADE-UP OVERWEIGHT WOMAN OF ABOUT 50 APPROACHES HIM.

WOMAN : Here mate - fancy a shag.

MAN (SURPRISED): I'm sorry?

WOMAN : Look - there's no point beating about the bush is there - so to speak. You're alone - I'm alone - do you fancy it?

MAN : You're a bit forward aren't you?

WOMAN : Yes but it's the sexual revolution isn't it.

MAN : But I don't even fancy you.

WOMAN : And? You're no oil painting yourself.

MAN : So why do you want me?

WOMAN : It's just a shag. I'm not expecting commitment.

MAN : I think Ifeel rather offended by your attitude.

WOMAN : Look - do you want it or not? I've got a couple of paper bags.

MAN : But don't you think you're being a little offensive?

WOMAN : Look love. I got it all the time when I was younger. I was always the beautiful girl's overweight friend. The blokes would fall over themselves for the pretty girl and I'd always be the one left for their mates. A quick shag - "thanks very much love - see you round" and of course they never did.

MAN : I dunno.

WOMAN : Oh come on - you won't get a better offer. Look - everyone's paired off.

MAN : Go on then. You have got the paper bags?

WOMAN : Eye holes already cut out.

MAN : Come on then. Although I'm not really used to being chatted up.

WOMAN : I'm not really surprised. After all - women now have the power. It's all turned full-circle.

Quote: Leevil @ November 10, 2007, 7:00 PM

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View original

It's alright Lee, let me explain. As the theme is revolution, the gnomes are revolting. Sorry you found it so confusing.