Doctor, Doctor...

I went to the doctor's today for a check-up that involved me taking my top off. Upon unbuttoning my shirt the doctor told me I had a "pigeon chest". Since this had nothing to do with my reason for being there I replied sarcastically, "do you have a cure for that?" He remarked, with zero irony, "no, I do not."

I tried to imagine a flip scenario where I was a woman and, upon opening my blouse, the doctor yelled out "who wants pancakes!" but the situation just didn't seem plausible. Am I wrong? Have any ladies out there experienced anything similar? How about guys - any tactless doctor stories?

What exactly is a pigeon test?

I had a heart ultrasound recently. Which involved take my shirt off and get lube smeared on my chest, whilst a fit young medical technician male, wrestled with me on a bed. The stereo played Ride of the Valkyrie.

I think I may have been involved in some chubby bear porn film.

On a similar vein I had a tooth removed by 2 buxom dental students who cushioned my head throughly with their embonpoints.

Hmm am I an accidental star of S&M medical porn?

Whenever I used to go to the doctor with ANY problem the standard reply was - "Well I'm afraid you're very overweight".

What did that have to do with the fact my foot was hanging off?

Quote: sootyj @ August 9 2010, 2:47 PM BST

What exactly is a pigeon test?

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Pigeon "chest". It's an expression meaning 'sunken sternum'

*Not my chest BTW.

It does sound as though you were physically abused, Sooty. Or it was a sexual fantasy. So often the two are confused...

Hey I enjoyed it.

I was once informed by an urologist that I had a penis of above average size, which while not pertinent to the subject under discussion, was very gratifying.

Quote: Timbo @ August 9 2010, 3:48 PM BST

I was once informed by an urologist that I had a penis of above average size, which while not pertinent to the subject under discussion, was very gratifying.

View original

Hey, I wouldn't waste an opportunity to tell that story either.

I was told by a doctor I had a geographic tongue. I won't tell you how they ended up making that diagnosis...

Quote: David Bussell @ August 9 2010, 4:00 PM BST

Hey, I wouldn't waste an opportunity to tell that story either.

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Quote: Ben @ August 9 2010, 4:12 PM BST

I was told by a doctor I had a geographic tongue. I won't tell you how they ended up making that diagnosis...

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Had you just been licking a map of Africa?

Quote: Ben @ August 9 2010, 4:12 PM BST

I was told by a doctor I had a geographic tongue. I won't tell you how they ended up making that diagnosis...

View original

I'm sure I could Google that but I'd much rather hear you explain it...

My Uni insisted I had a test for dyslexia. So I sat for an hour and half with a psychologist with a funky name. I think he might have been Dr Steve Werewolf or something. So after a battery of weird tests, playing with coloured blocks and structured conversations.

His result.

"You might be dyslexic, one things for certain you're not right."

I have to resist putting that on job applications.

Quote: sootyj @ August 9 2010, 7:22 PM BST

"You might be dyslexic, one things for certain you're not right."

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During a penile examination, my doctor commented that I had a larger than average wanger.

Fanciful? Not really, I was discussing condoms.

Quote: David Bussell @ August 9 2010, 4:18 PM BST

I'm sure I could Google that but I'd much rather hear you explain it...

View original

It's nowhere near as exciting as it sounds. It just means I've got little bumps and ridges on my tongue. I'll stick it out at you next time I see you.

Incidentally, I'd always assumed a pigeon chest just meant flat and bony. Didn't realise it involved a sunken sternum.